Just asked DH to get a vasectomy

[prettymuchaceleb]

Here's to hoping he goes and gets one! His main concern is lasting pain long after the op(although I pointed out how I have had episiotomies and c sections and they had slight pain ) , any horror stories or is it mostly ok?
I'm hoping to rejuvenate our sex life somewhat also, after years of being on the blasted pill.

Ah but the poor blokes are only being stopped from sowing their wild oats and producing hoards of kids to demonstrate their manly man-ness by their harpy wives so of course they'd want to have more kids with the next woman.

God forbid both men and women would make a responsible choice about when they've had the appropriate number of children for their circumstances and stick to it, ensuring those kids are as well cared for as possible. But then, many men who leave don't pay for the ones they leave behind...

If one of my dhs considerations re vasectomy was future children in a new relationship I think we’d have much bigger problems. I expect us to consider this decision solely from the perspective of our family.

Spot on.

I'd forgotten that I tore with DD before the midwife was able to perform an episiotomy. I was given gas and air after I delivered, to deal with that pain!

Resistance - you left the delightful haemorrhoids off the list.

Wait, are you all being forced to become pregnant? I understand accidents happen and other awful things but if starting a family, are you not choosing to be pregnant? If so, how can you compare what you went through with an unwanted vasectomy?

TheDowagerCuntess Tearing is better I believe.

My friend's husband is younger than her (35) they've had one child and decided no more. He openly said I'm not having a vasectomy because look at the divorce rates and tell me a couple that didn't think they'd be together forever on their wedding day. If you leave me or die I might want another child.

I mean it's true, but

There is no choice but for the woman to get pregnant if the couple want children!

Once the children are done, there is no choice than the man to get a vasectomy (in the eyes of most rational human beings)

If you don’t want to get pregnant then you don’t need to. The options aren’t great but they are there. You go into a relationship and both wanting children, knowing the risks and who it is that has to be pregnant and deliver the baby. The man doesn’t exactly have the choice to carry does he? So whatever his reasons for not wanting a vasectomy, they are enough for him to say no. If you don’t like that then you can sort your self out with precautions, not have sex or leave the relationship. Obviously this is not ideal but you can’t force someone into a surgery they don’t want. They also shouldn’t be made to feel bad about that.

If you don’t want to get a vasectomy then you don’t need to. The options aren’t great but they are there. You go into a relationship and both wanting to choose when to have children, knowing the risks and who it is that has to be sterilised when the time comes. The woman doesn’t exactly have the choice to easily get sterilised does she? So whatever her reasons for not wanting to fuck a waste of space Male that refusss to get a vasectomy after she’s given birth to his children, they are enough for her to say get out of my life you selfish prick. If you don’t like that then you sort your self out with your hands, not have sex or leave the relationship. Obviously this is not ideal but you can’t force someone into a lifetime of birth control or a major operation they don’t want. They also shouldn’t be made to feel bad about thinking someone putting them in that position is a complete cunt.

Quack - you're doing a great job defending these men, I'm sure they appreciate it.

Such men are free to make whatever choice they like.

And I am free to judge them (harshly) for it, while thanking my lucky stars I was raised by, and am married to, a couple of the good ones.

cantankerous

They also shouldn’t be made to feel bad about that

I could not disagree more! They absolutely should be made to feel bad about it.

Luckily it's only the ones who won't do it who're being made to feel bad. The decent men don't need to worry.

...and in any case, these men don't feel in the least bit bad - they don't care. They couldn't care less.

So why you care about them, quite so strongly, I'm pretty much at a loss to understand.

They should be made to feel bad about it every day of their lives and aware of what pansy males they are.

This is a good thread, from earlier on:

"Chronic pain rate occurance stats from a number of national level health bodies:
Canadian Urology Association give the chronic pain outcomes at between 1 and 14% www.cua.org/themes/web/assets/files/vasectomy4017_v4.pdf

14% = up to one in eight

In the U.S. the AUA say quality of life impacting chronic pain occurs in between 1/50 to 1/100 surgeries. www.auanet.org/guidelines/vasectomy-(2012-amended-2015)

British Association of Urological Surgeons, patient advice reports chronic pain in 5-15% of patients. www.baus.org.uk/_userfiles/pages/files/Patients/Leaflets/Vasectomy.pdf
5% = 1 in twenty
15%= 1 in seven

UK National Health Service www.nhsdirect.wales.nhs.uk/encyclopaedia/v/article/vasectomy/#risks

"Long-term testicular pain affects around one in 10 men after vasectomy. The pain is usually the result of a pinched nerve or scarring that occurred during the operation. You may be advised to undergo further surgery to repair the damage and to help minimise further pain."

Journal article on what life is like living with long term genital pain for men (in summary it's pretty bad):
www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/24740527.2017.1328592

Background article on Post vasectomy pain syndrome:
vasectomy-information.com/post-vasectomy-pain-syndrome-scientific-review/

Journal of Urology article on post vasectomy pain syndrome and it's causes:
onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1002/j.1939-4640.2003.tb02675.x "

Hummm, no thanks, all the harsh words of careful persuasion aren't bringing many men to the cause here I suspect.

Sigh.

We know there is risk. We women face much greater. We know.

This has been covered off many, many times on this thread already.

Hummm, no thanks, all the harsh words of careful persuasion aren't bringing many men to the cause here I suspect.

If you're only going to consider if if there's zero, or next to no, risk - what does that say about you, compared with men who've freely come to the cause?

Compared with women?

I think this is actually a part of a much wider conversation, which is the fact that men and also women, to an extent, genuinely don't understand the risks and accept the experiences of pregnancy, birth and even contraception. I'm a complete geek and love educating myself on all sorts of things but even so, before having children I wasn't aware of all that was involved for a woman's body. I had an easy time with hormonal contraception too but I was at least aware that this is not the case for everyone.

Due to the idea that we shouldn't make a fuss about pregnancy and birth issues because 'everyone does it', most men simply don't realise the toll it takes - after all what bloke wants to hear his mother/aunts/sisters/colleagues etc. going on about their incontinence, painful episiotomy scars, post natal depression, pelvic prolapses, piles etc? They don't and we're made to feel like we shouldn't be complaining so it's never really an open subject for discussion.

A joke was made at our family dinner table a few months ago, I can't remember exactly how it started but was to do with my brother hurting himself somehow, we were all having a laugh about it and my mother made a jokey response about how he should try childbirth. My (nearly 40 year old but childless) brother responded with something like 'at least skin doesn't get torn open'. When my mother and I nearly pissed ourselves with laughter and pointed out that skin did indeed get torn open in childbirth he looked shocked and horrified and went white. He didn't find any of it so funny anymore. Even though he's had girlfriends with children and considers himself pretty well informed, he admitted that he genuinely had no idea women could and did tear with childbirth. It sounds unbelievable but I actually think this is the norm and until it becomes more acceptable to be open about the problems women are left with instead of the 'just get on with it, love' attitude we face now then nothing will change and yes, men will still think they get the raw end of the deal because of the 10% risk of problems with a vasectomy. Just take a look at the thread currently running with the plank husband who thinks his mother and nan should sit in some imaginary waiting room during his wife's first labour, ready to run in and cuddle the baby when it pops out, seemingly with no clue that his wife might not be in any position to receive visitors or even how long the whole thing might take.

*Once the children are done, there is no choice than the man to get a vasectomy (in the eyes of most rational human beings)
I'm perfectly rational and I chose to be sterilised myself.
Whoever mentioned the divorce situation seems to forget it works both ways.

They should be made aware of it every single day of their lives and aware of what pansy males they are
Nice use of a homophobic slur there.

My husband was fine. A tiny bit sore the same day but back to normal the next day.

He does have a crazy high pain threshold though.

I have had two contraception failures. One with the IUD in place (perfectly in place the scan revealed). He didn't want more children and I was sick to the back teeth of contraception that either didn't work for me or just made me hormonal and affected my MH, so he got it done ASAP after surprise pregnancy.

noeffing - you wanted to get sterilised. Great.

This isn't about that.

There is nothing wrong with expecting men to step up to the plate in this context. Nothing.

Lily makes a great point about most men actually having no clue of the extent to which women just put up and shut up.

I'm not here to be 'nice'. I'm here to question men who won't have a vasectomy, and yes, to make them feel bad.

If you want to defend them, knock yourself out. I'm sure they appreciate it (note: they don't care).

I agree with your posts TheDowager.

I would not be at all impressed if dh left contraception to me once we decided our family was complete. What a turn off.

Best thing my husband done after NHS refused to sterilise me.

He was more uncomfortable than in pain the first few days after having it done but was wanting sex after a week (to see if it still worked) so couldn't have been that bad lol!

Our sex life is better than ever!

noeffing

Nothing pansy about man love!!

We are talking about a group of men who, after watching their wives go through PREGNANCY and CHILDBIRTH, often multiple times, are too scared of a little bit of pain to be the ones to sterilise themselves. They ARE pathetic. They ARE incapable of making a decent humane decision. They absolutely should get looked down on, repeatedly. Reaping the benefits of the women’s fertility whilst failing to have any say in your own, other than having an orgasm at the correct time once/twice in your life, makes you just a really shit man.

Female sterilisation has far higher risks, both from the surgery and after effects.

There is a reason it’s not readily available. This is something the men should do.

Our sex life is better than ever!

Exactly.

All you people faffing with condoms.

You have no idea.

Thanks U2.

What a turn off

Yes. It is.

Resentment-filled sex really can't be great sex.

But again, men who won't have vasectomies don't care.