Just asked DH to get a vasectomy

[prettymuchaceleb]

Here's to hoping he goes and gets one! His main concern is lasting pain long after the op(although I pointed out how I have had episiotomies and c sections and they had slight pain ) , any horror stories or is it mostly ok?
I'm hoping to rejuvenate our sex life somewhat also, after years of being on the blasted pill.

When I was panicking over my pregnancy with a third child he badly wanted (and I had, too, until it happened) and seriously considering termination, dh's only comment was that it was my choice and he would support me whatever. It in fact only became apparent after she was born just how badly he had wanted her. While I was scared and panicking, he STFU and let me come to my own choice. I really don't think I owe him any less when it comes to his body, and I'm not happy to have him painted as a misogynist who will happily let his wife take all the hit while leaning back and risking nothing himself.

I'm not happy to have him painted as a misogynist who will happily let his wife take all the hit while leaning back and risking nothing himself.

That is what he is doing though.

I wouldn't be happy either, if I were you.

*leaning back and risking nothing himself’ is a perfect explaination of what he’s doing. Decent men are capable of taking some of the hit after watching their partners go through the utter trauma of pregnancy and childbirth. Like I said, stop shagging his penis until it is fixed, they soon change their minds

There does seem to be a disproportionate amount of scaremongering when it comes to something that might have side effects for men. Reading this thread you would think men's dicks are dropping off from necrosis and they are all left permanently in agony when for the vast vast majority it is an extremely simple, non invasive procedure with minimal side effects. Meanwhile pregnancy actually kills women.

And you know there are things that are seen as 'standard' practice for women when it comes to reproductive health which are all far more painful, invasive and risky than a vasectomy and women are subjected to without a second thought.

'That is what he is doing though.' - Um, no. It's unwise from a health POV for me to take hormones (if it weren't I wouldn't want them anyway) and I won't entertain a foreign body in me (aka a coil). So we use condoms, which arguably is more of a 'hit' for him than me. If he were one of these men who whinge about using condoms, I might be inclined to agree with you.

A condom is a foreign body in you.

So according to some, the man (by refusing a vasectomy) is forcing the woman to get pregnant or sort of birth control? Can you just not have sex with him? Also, when you are refusing to take any birth control yourself and withholding sex, you aren’t forcing him into a decision? I hate the pregnancy argument. Men cannot get pregnant it’s not fair to equate the two. If you choose to have another baby you choose for yourself, not your partner. If you are getting pregnant because your partner says so then that is concerning. If you are adamant you don’t want a baby and don’t want to use birth control, that’s ok. Avoid sex or get the surgery yourself. If your partner for whatever reason doesn’t want the surgery, in no way should he be made to feel bad for exercising his right to bodily autonomy. You have your rights to your own body and he has his. You don’t want to get pregnant and he doesn’t want the snip? Don’t have sex. Simple.

Tell him he’s using condoms or no sex. You’ve done your share of the birth control by taking the pill ( and put up with its subtle and not so subtle side effects... loss of libido, weight gain, bloating etc ...for years.) It’s his turn now. Men have it too easy in my opinion. Or or you could order a load of sex toys and have fun without him.

lol @ entertaining a foreign body in me.

There's a long and boring backstory to this, but I have a friend in his thirties who had a vasectomy at 16. For the last three years he has suffered deep and permanent testicle pain. He has no desire for sex now as it hurts too much. There is no prospect of any improvement. DUe to the boring backstory, he has access to a very eminent urologist in Cambridge who advised this isn't at all uncommon twenty years or so after your vasectomy, although of course normally a man twenty years after his vasectomy is in his sixties. My friend is miserable, permanently in awful sickening pain and is very depressed. I would never want DH to have a vasectomy.

By choosing not to, you force the woman to choose to.

This is it exactly! Someone has to, so by saying no, you force it back on the other party. Women put up with an awful lot of this crap.

As an aside, carriage returns are back, hooray!

Vasectomies have come on since 20 years ago. I don’t think our DH’s have much to worry about.

Anyway, decent men will take the risk so we don’t have to.

sansouci! As it were.

Loving the equation of a condom with a coil...

I'm with QuackPorridgeBacon on the pregnancy argument, FWIW (possibly not much). I liked being pregnant, I liked being the one to give birth and bf. And my pregnancies and births weren't all plain sailing either.

I liked giving birth too and I like being the one that doesn’t have to deal with long term birth control.

That’s his job

Magair, tell your friend to consult a reversal surgeon, it's a 50% plus fix for chronic pain resulting from vasectomy. Of course it breaks the contraception model, but there are always condoms.

The NHS will usually not pay to fix men damaged by vasectomy by using reversal, though it is the most effective treatment, so any surgery will cost several thousand pounds privately .

By choosing not to, you force the woman to choose to.

This is it exactly! Someone has to, so by saying no, you force it back on the other party. Women put up with an awful lot of this crap.

So... a woman saying no is also forcing it into the men, right? So why is one better than the other? Just don’t have sex and if that makes him change his mind then so be it, if it makes the woman think fuck it I’ll go back on something or have surgery myself, then again, so be it. At least no one is deciding for the other. If t ends up that no sex takes place then again, so be it. But you cannot make out that a man is weak etc (thought we had moved on from this kind of crap where men have to be strong etc) for not wanting surgery that could result in lifelong pain. I have complications from giving birth and they will be lifelong, I don’t hate my partner for that, I chose to have the babies knowing I would carry them and knowing all the risks. I took the risk and I’m ok with that, I don’t like birth control and can’t take some types because of medication, that doesn’t mean I should guilt my partner into getting the snip. We use condoms or don’t have sex, it’s fine. He has offered (many of you on here will think he is so manly) but I told him to seriously think about it, apart from the fact that we mightn’t like another child in the future, he has to be 100% sure and understand that he could be left with pain. If that’s enough to stop him from getting it done then that’s ok. It’s his choice and only his choice and he should never be coerced or guilted into doing so. Just like a woman shouldn’t be coerced into anything, neither should a man. He doesn’t even have to explain why he doesn’t want one, a simple “no, I won’t get it done” is more than enough.

Might* like another child...

That’s his job

Why is it his job? What are the rules on this? If you don’t want a baby and don’t want to take birth control that’s your choice. Why is him making the same choice not good enough?

Clearly men don’t have to be strong. As this thread shows, some men can do fine going through life being weak and taking no responsibility for themselves

I was done after 2 kids so dh said quite happily he would get a vasectomy. I don't agree with hormonal contraception, I hate condoms as well. I would have requested my tubes tied had I had another section but otherwise it made more sense for him to go do it.

CantankerousCamel You sound ridiculous and I find your comment about men being weak, for exercising their right to autonomy awful. Are you weak for not getting surgery yourself?

I dealt with three live labours and one stillbirtn to give us our kids. I’ve done my bit. Female sterilisation has far greater risk and is a more involved surgery. Men who make women go through that to save their precious scrotums are weak and pathetic

Are you weak for not getting surgery yourself?

Of course she's not, she's been through childbirth.

A man who opts out entirely is weak. Or at least weaker than most women.