Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Hand hold pls - think I'm watching my mother die

237 replies

RogerAllamsFangirl · 22/09/2018 20:22

Sitting in a side room on a hospital ward. She's struggling to breathe and clammy and cold. I was here earlier and went home but the nurse rang me to tell me to come over.

Tbh, watching her like this, I think that death, when it comes, will come as a friend.

OP posts:
Lemmmonade · 23/09/2018 08:14

Sorry to hear your news, OP, but your mum is at peace now. You did an amazing thing for her. Get some rest if you can you must be exhausted. See if you can get someone else to help tell folk as their reaction can be hard. Take care x

Namethecat · 23/09/2018 08:14

Flowers Sorry for your loss.

Hestogoodforyou · 23/09/2018 08:14
Flowers
smurfy2015 · 23/09/2018 08:16

Flowers Flowers Glad she is at peace, no more pain.

For you, (((massive hug)))

So notebook and pen and start making massive lists, who need to phone and make this as easy on yourself as possible

I would advise making the essential phone calls first (undertaker) and inform other family so, for example, aunt X who can phone tree to her family and their cousins, the same for uncle X who can do the same for his family,

it cuts down greatly on all the phone calls you have to make in the first call to the person who is going to phone tree for you,

explain you are going to try and rest for a while today (you might not sleep but a cup of tea with a nice bath might help) so switch your phone to silent and let text messages/voicemail / answering machine got to be answered/ replied to later, this is not the top priority. Let phone trees help you.

Everybody doesn't need to hear it personally from you so cut yourself some slack there,

Yes, definitely as PP suggested and get many copies of the death certificate as you will need them to close accounts down and official paperwork. I know some areas if you buy the copies when registering the death they charge full for the original x 1, and half price for the others so its a good time to get them.

If your mums house has an answering machine, divert the calls to you if you are the only child as then you can get an idea of what all you need to deal with over the weeks ahead.

If she went to a church you may want to contact the celebrant so she can be prayed for this morning/ evening and also can inform any particular friends who would care to know who you may not be aware of

(wrap yourself in the biggest blanket you have, sniff a tissue with a perfume she wore or liked and sob like you have never cried before), its good to let it out,

Its been a bittersweet night but you have shown the ultimate love for your mother and have been there supporting her when she needed you most - the last sounds she probably heard was your voice and you can take comfort in that

Sorry for your loss Flowers

BathTangle · 23/09/2018 08:26

I'm so sorry for your loss. Be kind to yourself Flowers

marvellousnightforamooncup · 23/09/2018 08:28

I'm so sorry OP. My mother passed away a month ago, it is so tough. My mum had cancer then pneumonia and died in hospital.

My brother was with her which is a comfort to me. She'll have known you were there and how much you cared.

There is a bereavement thread for those who have lost parents, if you need a chat seek it out. Flowers

MakeMineATwin2 · 23/09/2018 08:45

So sorry op! Thanks

MalcolmsBrokenWalrusMoneybox · 23/09/2018 08:54

Very sorry for your loss op Flowers

RogerAllamsFangirl · 23/09/2018 09:01

Thanks for your messages. I have read them all. I will come back to the practical ones in the coming days.

OP posts:
Rainatnight · 23/09/2018 09:04

I am so sorry. My dad died on Monday so I'm in these trenches with you.

Flowers
bexcee · 23/09/2018 09:13

I woke up thinking of you. I'm sorry your mums gone but it sounds like her time had come.
The next few days will pass in a blurry whirlwind. Don't be afraid to share the load, contact one friend and ask them to let a certain group of people know.
Take some time for yourself to process what's happened. There's really no immediate rush to start making arrangements.
Take care of yourself

SureIusedtobetaller · 23/09/2018 09:14

Sorry for your loss. How lovely that you were there and that it was peaceful.
Look after yourself - it’s hard because of the paperwork and formalities but give yourself some space as well.

Borntobeamum · 23/09/2018 09:19

I'm so sorry but take comfort at she passed peacefully and that you were with her at the last moment. I'm sure she knew you were there x 💐

PotteryGirl · 23/09/2018 09:20

Rest in Peace... I watched your thread last night and it’s the first thing I’ve done on waking this morning..I don’t know you but still send you my best wishes. Knowing you were there and comforting your mum will give you the strength to survive the coming days..💕

lostfrequencies · 23/09/2018 09:21

ThanksThanksThanks

Angrybird345 · 23/09/2018 09:26

So sorry for your loss.

ajandjjmum · 23/09/2018 09:27

RIP Roger's Mum.

You will be busy, and some of the organisational stuff can be a blessing, but take time to look after yourself. Flowers

Frazzled2207 · 23/09/2018 09:27

I'm so sorry for your loss. I am pleased it was peaceful for her though as I have heard it often isn't. You sound like a lovely daughter and I'm sure she had great comfort that you were there at the end.

Thanksfor you. I hope your dh is supportive when it comes to making the necessary arrangements, and/or is at least able to take charge of the kids while you do it.

Lovemysofa · 23/09/2018 09:37

Am so sorry for your loss. Take comfort from being able to be there at the end for her. Sending you lots of strength and a massive hand hold for the next few days and weeks. Flowers

OldSchoolPhotograph · 23/09/2018 09:39

Hi,
Sorry you're going through this.
I've just been through this too with my Dad. He died 3 days ago. It's going to take a while to process his illness and death. I keep going over it all trying to piece things together.
It's such a weird time!
Thanksto you.

PrincessButtockUp · 23/09/2018 09:40

I'm very sorry for your loss. It sounds like you cared well for her in that time. Please remember to care well for yourself in the coming days. As PP's have said, lists, one thing at a time, let others do their part too, and allow the grief to wash over you when it does, like the ocean in a storm. But the storm will slowly pass. In the meantime, look after yourself. Xx

daniel1996 · 23/09/2018 09:40

she will travel onwards knowing you are there, no one can do more at the end than be there x holding your hand, and giving you strength x

Pebblesandfriends · 23/09/2018 09:45

So sorry op, you did an amazing thing. Try and be kind to yourself, and just know that everyone deals with death differently so just do what you need to do. I hope you are able to get some sleep today Gin

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 23/09/2018 09:46

I'm very sorry for your loss, Roger Flowers

PajamasnoDramas · 23/09/2018 10:06

So sorry for you loss, your mum is in a peaceful, pain-free place now, comforted that she had you with her in the final minutes. Flowers.
When you register the death ask about the Tell us Once service. This covers things like pension, benefits etc all in one hit so can reduce a bit of the necessary admin. As others have advised get about 6 certificates as they become more expensive as time wears on. And there may well be something that crops up that you haven't initially thought about, we had this with DF and were glad to find a few extra around.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.

Swipe left for the next trending thread