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Original poster

Hand hold pls - think I'm watching my mother die

237 replies

RogerAllamsFangirl · 22/09/2018 20:22

Sitting in a side room on a hospital ward. She's struggling to breathe and clammy and cold. I was here earlier and went home but the nurse rang me to tell me to come over.

Tbh, watching her like this, I think that death, when it comes, will come as a friend.

OP posts:
Kernowgal · 22/09/2018 23:58

Much love to you, and a hand hold from me. My mum passed away in May and I was with her till the end, and I'm so glad I got to spend that time with her. I just sat with her, telling her all sorts of inane stuff. My dad and brother didn't feel able to sit with her but I hated the thought of her being alone in her final hours - it felt wrong after everything she'd done for me.

It still gives me great comfort that I was able to be with her, and I'd give anything to have that time again, it's very bittersweet.

Original poster
RogerAllamsFangirl · 23/09/2018 00:24

I can't believe she's hanging on. Each breath sounds such an effort. I just want it to be over for her. They're bringing more pain meds now.

OP posts:
PajamasnoDramas · 23/09/2018 00:54

Another hand hold here FlowersBrew
I went through the same with my mum three weeks ago, also bastard cancer. These are tough minutes/hours but I'm glad I was there for her. As PP have said, share your memories, let her be comforted by the sound of your voice and the touch of your hand.

RandomChitchat · 23/09/2018 00:57

Sending Flowers OP, it's 17 years since I sat by my dad's bedside and I'll never forget how his breathing sounded over the last few hours. It's a hard thing to go through but hopefully it will be a comfort for you in the future that you were there.

t00dle00 · 23/09/2018 00:58

So much love to you and your mum OP ThanksThanksThanks

AutisticHedgehog · 23/09/2018 00:59

I’ve been there too. It’s very hard and I too was wishing for the gentle release to arrive. It’s a very surreal place.

Allgirlskidsanddogs · 23/09/2018 01:10

I’m another who has been in a similar situation.

Talk to her, remember the good and funny times, tell her you love her and, if you can, give her permission to go. Ewing with her at the end is one of the final loving things you can do for her and looking back it will give you comfort that you were there. As someone upthread said it’s an awful privilege. I hope she finds peace easily. Flowers

Allgirlskidsanddogs · 23/09/2018 01:11

Ewing - being.

Rockclimbingtigger · 23/09/2018 01:12

Here with a hand hold. She will know you are there. Hug OP x

NarcolepticOuchMouse · 23/09/2018 01:16

I'm here with a hand hold, you aren't alone 💐

brizzledrizzle · 23/09/2018 01:18

Sending you much love. She will know you are there and feel your love.

Original poster
RogerAllamsFangirl · 23/09/2018 01:29

Thanks all. It helps.

OP posts:
raeray · 23/09/2018 01:36

Thanks for you and your darling Mum.
You are filling her last hours with love, she knows she is loved by having you there. It will bring her comfort even if she can no longer show that she is comforted by having you there.
Much love, that's not easy at all.

sandgrown · 23/09/2018 01:43

It's 20 years since I sat with my mum but I remember it well and I was so glad I was with her. Hold her hand and tell her you love her. I remember how surreal it was in the dead of night . Thinking of you and your mum xFlowers

EnidButton · 23/09/2018 01:45

It passes so slowly and so quickly at the same time. It's a surreal thing to experience.

Sending lots of love and warmth your way. xx

HappyHedgehog247 · 23/09/2018 01:47

Another hand hold here. I did this last year. It was so so painful and so precious at the same time xx

EnidButton · 23/09/2018 01:49

I worded that wrong. I meant time passes quickly as well as slowly at the same time.

Flowers
PurpleNailVarnish · 23/09/2018 01:56

Hand hold OP Thanks

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 23/09/2018 02:17

Thinking of you OP, we all are, keep talking, she hears you.
I sat with my lovely Dad, a good few years ago, it was, as a pp said above, very surreal, in the early hours. Sending you a gentle hug, and much love, you will be a great comfort to your darling Mum.xx

brizzledrizzle · 23/09/2018 03:29

Still here and thinking of you OP.

PinkFluffyFairy · 23/09/2018 04:12

Thinking of you and your lovely mum. Flowers

gimeallthecake · 23/09/2018 04:25

I am here and will hold your hand. Thinking of you Thanks

MessyBun247 · 23/09/2018 05:12

Big hugs OP and thinking about you both xx

Knitjob · 23/09/2018 06:06

Another hand to hold. I hope the daylight brings peace.

smurfy2015 · 23/09/2018 06:17

Handhold from me too, it is so bittersweet but an honour to support someone in last hours.

I've sat with several people (about 7) over my life the 1st when I was 11 years old, we gave her a round of applause after she went as she was pain free. Blasted cancer too.

With my mum I sat and sang quietly to her some of her favourite songs, until my brother arrived, and we talked about memories with her and about a minute before she passed her eyes rolled and opened and i signalled to brother on other side of bed to jump up so the very last thing she possibly saw was us, while we held her and gave her permission to go, her work was done here. We told her again how much we loved her and she was gone.

Hope peace comes soon xo

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