Hand hold pls - think I'm watching my mother die

[RogerAllamsFangirl]

Sitting in a side room on a hospital ward. She's struggling to breathe and clammy and cold. I was here earlier and went home but the nurse rang me to tell me to come over.

Tbh, watching her like this, I think that death, when it comes, will come as a friend.

And say what comes to you, even if you don't think she can hear you. For me, anyway, I was glad that I'd taken the opportunity to say a few things.

Hand hold for you. I was with my dad for his final hours following aggressive cancer. Held his hand. Told him how much I loved him. Told him stories about our childhood memories and things I knew he loved (such as his hobby) and when his final breath came I was happy for him to be at peace. I hope the same for your dear Mum.

She's lucky to have you OP.

I've just done this with my lovely dad, I just spoke quietly to him and told him all the things I had never said to him (very traditional old fella) and I'm so glad I did because I know he heard them. I held his hand a lot too and if i needed a cry I told him I was going to the toilet and would be back in a sec because I didn't want him to hear. I'm sure she's glad you're there, it must be a huge comfort to her.It was really really hard so a big hug and I hope you're OK too.

Big hugs. I hope your Mum goes peacefully.

thinking of you.

Tell her everything you've ever wanted to say and have held back. Hold her hand and stroke her hair. Tell her you'll be alright and that you'll remember her.

Lots of love to you OP and anyone else going through this. Your strength amazes me.

Your mum knows you are there. When my grandmother was dying, my dad was working abroad. She'd been pretty much unconscious for a couple of days when he was able to reach her, and died less than an hour after he got to get bedside - she waited for him and knew he was there, without a doubt. Much love to you and your family.

I'm so sorry, it's a really tough thing to do.

I was with both my DM & DF when they passed. It gave, and still gives me huge comfort to know that I was able to stay with them to the end, say my goodbyes and tell them how much they were truly loved. I feel privileged that I could be there for their last moments and it certainly helped me in my grieving process.

I'm certain that she knows you're there, and that will be a huge comfort to her.

I really feel for you. I sat with my mum right up until she passed away from terminal cancer. Talk to your mum, tell her that you love her - she can still hear you.

OP, you hold your lovely mum's hand, and we will hold yours.

I’m here op. Two years ago I held my mum as she died, and tough as it was I am so glad I was with her, and she felt loved. I’m hoping she went from my arms to my Dads, and her Dads.

Sitting next to someone you love watching their life fade away is horrendeous and yet also the most loving thing ever..

MIL passed away in March and that last visit is what I remember the clearest. Holding her hand and talking to her about all she used to do with the children (her grandchildren) Walking out after and dd2 (18) just dissolving in my arms its just the most pure form of love in a way yet not the pretty pretty stuff..

Thinking about you op

Thinking of you

Sending a virtual hug and a hand hold

Thinking of you

You can ask for more pain relief for your mum at any time. The staff will understand.

Big hand hold & hugs to you OP.
I’m sat here right now going through the very same thing with my Dad. It’s so tough but I’m so glad I’m here with him.

So sorry for you and metaphorically holding your hand. Did similar with my mum 2 years ago after 3 months of hospitalisation with blood cancer. I had my sister with me though and it has made us extra close. She saw you into this world and it actually is fitting if you hold her hand out of this world...much love.x

I’m here. I sat with my darling father for hours. It was very obvious when the time came, his breathing changed. Right now I’m guessing your mum is heavily medicated so won’t be suffering though her breathing might sound laboured. I was told that hearing was the last sense to go, so I just stroked his hand and spoke from time to time to reassure him I was there. I left the room for a few minutes and he went. But other family members were there. Tell her you love her, and that you aren’t going anywhere.

I was with my Mum when she died from cancer. She wasn’t conscious but knew we were there, in fact she waited for my brother to arrive from over 200 miles away and died within ten minutes of him telling her he was there. I’d told her earlier that I would look after Dad, but once my brother was there my Dad told me to tell her she could go. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done, but it was the right thing for her and Dad. She will know you’re there but you won’t be disturbing her if you feel like a little chat to her, she can hear you and may well find your voice comforting. Love to you and your family OP x

Watched my grandad like this a couple weeks ago, luckily he looked relaxed and sleeping (he’s breathing was fast), I went to see him in the evening and he passed the next morning.

Please remember that the last thing to go is their hearing, talk to her, she will likely be able to hear you and will know you are near.

Another one who's been there. Sending you love and strength as you're with your Mum in her final hours.. sit close and tell her everything you want to say Reassure her that you'll be just fine and igive her " permission" to leave and rest

I sat with my mum through those final days of aggressive cancer. The end was surprisingly peaceful, I hope it's the same for your mum

It’s an awful privilege to be with a loved one as they take their last breath, I’ve been in the situation twice and for the most part I feel lucky I got to support them and just be with them. There is another side it can be awful to watch and if the ending is hard you may wish for it to come sooner, there is no guilt in that thought remember that. Try to look after yourself drink plenty of tea/water.