Would a man not being able to drive, put you off dating him?

[CandiedPeach]

A bit of a odd one and not something I’ve ever thought of before today. Went out for lunch and a catch up with friends and one who was dating someone she seemed really keen on, said she’d ended things because he couldn’t drive (no medical reasons why not) and wasn’t planning on learning. One friend was in agreement with her that she wouldn’t date a man who couldn’t drive the other thinks it’s a ridiculous reason to end things. I initially thought it seemed harsh and I can’t imagine a woman not driving would be a deal breaker for many men, I may be wrong though. But then I wouldn’t want to be the only driver in a couple. So thinking more about it, it probably would put me off someone.

For all of London's faults, they've nailed public transport. It takes longer to get across the city in a car than the tube. 4 minutes is an unusually long wait for the next train.

Absolutely London has a superb public transport system, however it's never just 4 minutes. You have to walk to a station, wait for the tube maybe make a change, then walk to your destination. This all takes time.
Ok so if I was going into central London I'd take a tube because of the parking situation but generally going to the supermarket or shopping centre is a hell of a lot easier in a car.

Indeed it is - and that's why I both drive and run a car. But DH doesn't and it doesn't restrict him in his movements - so not driving isn't a deal breaker in the way it might be elsewhere in the country.

@Mhw02, I stand corrected regarding your independence, you obviously don't have an issue with that. However, I'm probably smarting for the amount of people I've encountered who don't drive and assume that I will give them a lift with no offer of petrol money etc as I assume they're assuming that I'm going anyway and have no awareness of how much it costs to run a car. Many people like this have a huge sense of entitlement, such as the previous poster who just said they'd learn to drive if someone would pay for them! This may have been a joke, but sums up the mentality for me I'm afraid.

Thanks @Agustarella, I'm impressed by your determination, too

I can certainly see how it might make perfect sense not to have a car. But that's not the same thing as not being able to drive.
Having said which, a recent thread on driving test nerves brought home forcibly to me that there are plenty of people who should not be behind the wheel and lots of them are out there, motoring incompetently about the place.

Cheers @RollsEyes, that's really nice.

I find it really odd that lack of driving would be a deal breaker either before you either get to know whether someone is in fact a lazy fucker or whether someone has ambition, drive etc and just doesn’t, well, drive.

I’m quite sure there are lazy, entitled, inconvenient non-drivers. Much like there are lazy, entitled, inconvenient drivers.

All the negative traits mentioned - lack of ambition, drive, immaturity ARE unattractive. Someone not driving isn’t immediately indicative that they hold those traits.

DH has a licence but no car, I’ve never learned. We currently live in London so it’s not an issue.

It's a bit lazy not to learn when able to.

I’ve been “able to” learn for 16 years. What I haven’t been able to do is afford the extortionate price of lessons, which round here are around the £25/hour mark. Much less the cost of actually owning and running a car.

I would want to know if he had made an active choice not to drive because he can't drive well enough, in which case I wouldn't judge him.

Unlike the countless arseholes who think they can drive but are an accident waiting to happen.

Those who live in London so there’s no need to drive, what about when you want to get out of London? What about going to the countryside? Or is it that you’re pretty much city based and happy with that? No offence meant at all. I know there’s plenty in London to keep people busy, I’m just curious.

We’ve been out today a national trust walking place, it took us just over a hour to drive there. A bus does go there from the city centre but it takes 2 hours 30 mins and firstly we’d have to get to the city centre so another 20/30 min bus ride. Then in the car we had food, raincoats, wellies, walking boots, DD’s all in one wet suit. I just can’t imagine carrying all that and been sat with it on a bus for 6 hours in total. It would have taken longer to get there and back, than we actually spent at the place.

£25/hour mark. that’s actually surprisingly low if that’s for London! I paid £28 a lesson and that’s nearly 4 years ago and I’m up north. I only had a lesson every other week and luckily my bf at the time used to take me out in his car.

In my friends case, he’s never had lessons Upstart so he wouldn’t know he’s no good.
But I do get that and think if someone’s tried and not been able to grasp it or couldn’t afford it at the time. I’d get that and it wouldn’t be a issue for me. My friend says the same but another friend says it’s just a no if they can’t drive regardless of the reason. But she hates driving although she does it, so thats her reason.

Those who live in London so there’s no need to drive, what about when you want to get out of London? What about going to the countryside?

My bf is in a northern city albeit with excellent transport. When we go more rural it’s train/uber. No big deal really.

So looking today's trip would have been 15/20 mins quicker using the train at parts instead of just bus, no direct train so still around 2hrs 40 mins and cost a bit more.
A taxi would have been £65-85

I'm guessing it would just be a place we didn't go, but it's usually (traffic was worse today) around 40/50 mins drive and dd loves it.

Those who live in London so there’s no need to drive, what about when you want to get out of London? What about going to the countryside?

You mean like Hampstead?

It's a bit wet - driving is a life skill IMO, like swimming. There would have to be a very good reason why he hadn't learned to drive.

It's a bit wet - driving is a life skill IMO, like swimming

Driving isn’t a life preservation skill unless you’re going on the run...

@CandiedPeach I don't live in London but I don't drive. I don't go to the countryside much because it's not my cup of tea. That's why I don't live out there!

I live in Derbyshire and I can get the train up to the peak district if I'm so inclined. I live a 10 minute walk from the train station and there's a direct train.

You mean like Hampstead? Does the Heath class as countryside? Or is it greenspace/parklands?

I get that @BitchQueen90 and like I says wasn’t a criticism at all, just curious.

Although if Google’s telling me the truth Derbyshire to Peak District is 1hr 30mins by train or 20 mins drive.
That’s what I couldn’t cope with, things taking longer. But I know that’s me, others don’t mind it at all.

I think the other thing is from the friends pov if it's a deal breaker for her, then it's a deal breaker and it's better that she's honest about it. Far better than marrying the bloke and seething quietly, but very Britishly for the next 20 years.

I'm not sure that alone would be a deal breaker but it would be a big negative

@Candied the Heath is 800 acres. Surrounded by city, of course, but enormous by any standards. It's easy to imagine you're in countryside proper there, if you get off the busy main paths. I went foraging there only yesterday and brought back some chestnuts to roast.

Those who live in London so there’s no need to drive, what about when you want to get out of London? What about going to the countryside?

Honestly, I don't. I'm very much a city person and don't derive much pleasure from the countryside, so stay put unless I go on holiday.

We both can actually drive, but don't own a car as we live in Zone 1. If we absolutely needed car travel we'd just rent for a little bit. We drove to Italy this summer in a rental.

I don’t drive. I don’t like being in a car unless there’s genuinely no alternative. I don’t really understand why that means I am lazy and lack ambition. It just means I have other preferences and priorities.