Would a man not being able to drive, put you off dating him?

[CandiedPeach]

A bit of a odd one and not something I’ve ever thought of before today. Went out for lunch and a catch up with friends and one who was dating someone she seemed really keen on, said she’d ended things because he couldn’t drive (no medical reasons why not) and wasn’t planning on learning. One friend was in agreement with her that she wouldn’t date a man who couldn’t drive the other thinks it’s a ridiculous reason to end things. I initially thought it seemed harsh and I can’t imagine a woman not driving would be a deal breaker for many men, I may be wrong though. But then I wouldn’t want to be the only driver in a couple. So thinking more about it, it probably would put me off someone.

Yes it would put me off. It was a deal breaker in my single days!

We aren’t in London. I feel that’s maybe different if you are.
He apparently just doesn’t see the appeal of it and it’s expensive. He gets the bus to work and I don’t think relies on anyone else. But then she was saying he finishes at 5 but isn’t home till after 6, by car it would be 30 mins max. That’s 30 mind a day, if you had kids that your partner could be home, but wasn’t. I think that would annoy me.

In central London, no. But where I live now, yes. Unless he’s an Olympic cyclist, having no transport would be a severe limitation

Unless he can afford cabs everywhere

That wouldn't even be on my radar. But if he decided to move out of London and live together he would have to learn to drive.

But then she was saying he finishes at 5 but isn’t home till after 6, by car it would be 30 mins max. That’s 30 mind a day, if you had kids that your partner could be home, but wasn’t. I think that would annoy me.

Is this you being annoyed or, or your friend? Because dating someone and resenting the fuck out of 30 minutes a day that your imaginary future children might have with their father if he could drive seems quite mad to me.

No, I wouldn't consider it, as a rural single parent there's no way I'd add another non driver to my life. Driving my DCs about is a fact of life, I wouldn't entertain driving a partner about too

Depends. When DP and I got together he couldn’t drive but we lived in London and it made no difference.

We now live outside London and honestly if I was the only driver our life would be very limited. So yes it would put me off.

DH doesn't drive. It's not because he's childish/lazy etc, it's because he lived in a big city until he was 25 so never needed to, and we now can't afford for him to learn. Even if we could afford the lessons we couldn't afford to run two cars or add him to my insurance.

The ONLY time it has ever been any kind of an issue was when I was in labour, and even then we just called a taxi.

Should say we have pretty good public transport in and out of the nearest town

It wouldn't put me off, I don't drive and am only just about to take a test at nearly 40 and glad my husband didn't think that he wouldn't date someone who didn't drive!

My DH did dream drive when we met and we had a car up until 4 yrs ago when we couldn't afford to run one.

Just curious, those saying they find it childish if a man doesn't drive, do you feel the same about women that don't drive?

It would make a difference to me, I just wouldn't find it attractive.

No. My DH didn't drive because nobody in his family had ever driven. In my family everyone learns from 17. I encouraged him and he was glad he did in the end.

She was saying how it takes him so long to get home Bardwell. I was thinking the dc part (most likely because I have one) that half an hour to me would be the difference between him being able to collect from nursey before closing or not!

Eh?? This is bonkers! DH doesn’t drive and it has never even crossed my mind that it might be odd. It took me 7 years of stop-start lessons to finally pass my test (in an automatic) and I hate driving so much I don’t own a car.

I live in a city and have no kids to ferry around, if that makes a difference.

My dh couldn’t drive when we met and because I love cars and driving it was a bit of a disappointment but not that important. He did learn but I still do all the driving. He’s not very good.

These threads always pop up on here, cue the comments about how people who can't/don't drive are immature weirdos. 73% of people held driving licenses between 2012-2016, which means that not holding one isn't perhaps as uncommon as you might think. As someone who is struggling through anxiety in learning to drive I find these comments really hurtful. You don't know why people don't hold a license, they may be struggling to learn or even afford lessons.

I do think though that men who don't have a license are judged more harshly than women.

My dh doesn’t drive and it doesn’t really bother me. He’s got his license but has never driven since he passed his test, despite numerous attempts. He goes white and shaky and ends up vomiting. I do all of the driving when we’re together. He takes the bus or walks to work without as much as a grumble, ever.

It would definitely put me off. I don't understand why people would choose not to learn something as basic as driving. I'd resent being permanently the designated driving.

I lived with a then dp for 8 years who didn’t drive. It was a bit of a pain in the arse really but because he was my first serious boyfriend I hadn’t really had any other experience. Now my current dp does most of the driving if we do stuff together and I bloody love it I also love knowing that dp can do stuff like nip to the shops or pick up ds from the rural nursery and it not be an issue if I can’t for some reason or another.

I don’t know if I would stop dating someone I really liked because of it, but I might not start dating someone I didn’t know if I knew before hand if that makes sense... we live pretty rurally though, so perhaps it wouldn’t be an issue if I lived centrally.

I live in rural Scotland. It would be a deal-breaker for me simply because it's an essential life skill here and I'm too busy to be ferrying him around or always having to be the driver. If I lived in London, no it wouldn't bother me.

I wouldn't want to date a man who couldn't drive. I am pretty sure he'd be happy enough to accept lifts off me alternatively imagine how annoying it would be if you drove and he got himself somewhere by bus that would be Petty of me. I don't want to be the sole driver in a relationship. Unless you both happen to be environmentalists who have organised your life around not needing to be able to drive then know it will be a massive deal breaker for me

My dp would love me to drive but accepts that I don't (I got a license at 36 but find it all too stressful and I am not very good at it!)
It seems to be more harshly judged in a male though

But it's not that basic for everyone @FoodGloriousFud. I've personally had many hours of lessons and had to struggle through a lot of anxiety in doing do and my instructor has told me of many students who took a long time and many attempts to pass. I could easily give up because it's so difficult for me but I'm trying my hardest not to. My DH struggled to learn for years too for different reasons - no one in his family drove and he found it difficult to pay for lessons. It's really not that simple or easy for everyone.

I wouldn't, no.