Would a man not being able to drive, put you off dating him?

[CandiedPeach]

A bit of a odd one and not something I’ve ever thought of before today. Went out for lunch and a catch up with friends and one who was dating someone she seemed really keen on, said she’d ended things because he couldn’t drive (no medical reasons why not) and wasn’t planning on learning. One friend was in agreement with her that she wouldn’t date a man who couldn’t drive the other thinks it’s a ridiculous reason to end things. I initially thought it seemed harsh and I can’t imagine a woman not driving would be a deal breaker for many men, I may be wrong though. But then I wouldn’t want to be the only driver in a couple. So thinking more about it, it probably would put me off someone.

I passed my test at 18 and not driven for last 27 years. But yeah I would pass this dating test as I have a licence!
It's never been a requirement of mine to date someone with a car as I live in London and get public transport everywhere. We have an occasion rented a car (for trips at xmas etc).
But in London it's just not needed by anyone.
Course I have no kids or desire for them so my partner doesn't have to satisfy any sort of protector/provider qualities.

Good job DS's girfriend wasn't put off, she would have missed out on a cracking lad. He has just got his licence at nearly 26. He doesn't really need to drive at the moment but feels it will widen his options re employment and housing.

My partner doesn't drive, he lived in London so was really no need. He rides a motorbike so can get about.
We can't afford for him to learn to drive as well as the nearly 17yr old.
Lots of people don't drive through their own choice and manage perfectly well with modern day buses, trains, planes, tubes, trams, taxi's etc etc.

The last 3 places I have lived would be a massive deal breaker - one had a half decent bus service if you worked 9-5 (but useless for anything else and weekends, one had no buses and one despite being a decent sized town has hopeless bus links outside working hours and in working hours the bus journey time is 3 times that of driving. None have had trains within 20 minutes drive. I am not wedded to my car - I always walk in preference to finding parking but all long distance public transport options require parking or drop off at the station to work.

I suspect that by the time my children are adults cars will be self driving so no-one will have licences!

Not the thread I needed to see before my third attempt at the driving test :( :( :(

We live in a not particularly isolated village. To get to the main local hospital is a 40 minutes drive. By Public transport it would take (and Ive just googled this) about 2 hrs 15 minutes taking bus, 2 trains and another bus. No way even if you’re just visiting!

Lots of posters saying they don't need to drive because they live in London, this can't be a view shared by all Londeners as whenever I go the streets are always teeming with cars.

Yes it would put me off. I spent 13 years with a man who made no effort to learn to drive out of sheer laziness and i had to do all the driving including picking up his kids. We had 6 kids between us and we live semi rural so public transport not brilliant.

He did pretty much fuck all else anyway and was just lazy sod so it felt like the relationship was one sided.

I am now with someone who does drive, loves driving, and drives all us about on long journeys despite me offering to drive and its so nice.

Medical reasons and perhaps not having a car if you live in a city excepted a man or woman who cant drive then sorry its just lazy

Sorry should have said wont rather than cant. I know there are some reasons why people cant drive

Ended a relationship over driving amongst other things. It's just not going to work for me. After 25 or so if they haven't learned people get a bit funny about it. I think if you are single and independent it's none of my business but if you rely or anyone to drive you anywhere at any time that isn't a taxi yabu

My ex couldn’t drive and had no intention on learning. It was bloody annoying and one of the reasons I left him. I couldn’t imagine having kids with someone when the burden of transporting them would fall to me

Not a dealbreaker. I hate driving, I only do it because I have to for work. I'd get annoyed pretty quick If I had to do all the driving.

I had a ex friend who couldnt drive, who took the piss, so I'm probably bitter about that.

No! My two exes couldn’t drive but my fiancé can and has a car. I never learned to drive because I had young children and money always seemed to be for other things. I do plan on learning soon and my fiancé is going to teach me some basic skills before lessons.

My oh doesn't drive, I've had a licence for years but only just got my own car earlier this year. Doesn't bother me in the slightest, he works full time and cycles to and from - he does bike riding as a hobby so he enjoys the relaxed ride. During the factory shut down in the summer it was nice to have the car to be able to go where we liked with the kids without having to check out buses etc. It's my car, so I drive, I wouldn't want my oh driving my car 😂 he doesn't have a need to drive so doesn't 🤷🏻‍♂️

I asked my friend and her main reasons were:
She’d end up always going to him, they’re about 30 mins drive away but more than a hour by buses.
She wouldn’t get to drink if they went out for dinner, cinema etc.
She thinks it impacts his work prospects. She said he’d seen a job he liked the look of, but didn’t apply because it would take too long by bus.
And she said she did think it made him a bit lazy, but that was on top of other things. He seemed quite content with what he’s got, job, shared flat. He’s 27 and my friend thought he’s still too student like and the driving kinda highlighted that for her.

It seems it is a issue for a lot of rolls though and then of course not for some. I wonder if it’s the same for women who can’t drive. I’ve a few friends who don’t let bug plan to and can’t say they’ve had any issues with dating.

For me, until my friends talking about it I wouldn’t have thought of it. So it wouldn’t have been a deal breaker for me, but I do think I’d get annoyed pretty quickly if I felt not driving was making things more difficult or I was being expected to do all the travelling etc.
And I’d definitely struggle with children, the work, nursery, home run is difficult enough and I’m not sure how I’d manage without a car. I used to take the bus to work before dd, actually cheaper with parking costs. But now I can’t guarantee I’d be back at nursery in time and there’s no bus stop right near nursery so it’s a 15/20 mins walk and then waiting for a bus home after 6:30 they go to every hour, it could be after 8pm before we got home.

Many people don't drive because they simply don't want to? My brother never bothered because he sees no point in it. He has never worked and he could never afford the lessons and a car.
Even if it meant he could get a job, he just hates it!

Which is fair enough PoisonousSmurf I guess it does maybe give a idea of compabilitiy though. Although in your brother’s case the never working would most definitely be a deal breaker for me.

Sounds like your friend has spotted that he's just someone who does what's easiest and puts the responsibility on everyone else to learn how to make that happen: she'll always have to come to him "because it's easier", he can always drink but she can't, and, worst of all, he picks jobs based on what he can get to by bus. Yes, if you live in a city, using the bus is not just OK but actually the responsible choice - but it really does feel like that's not what's going on here. Your friend is using her intuition and thinks that "he’s still too student like and the driving kinda highlighted that for her" - for my money she's intuiting correctly.

So to answer your original question - if I thought it was because he was lazy, yes. If there were other reasons - environmental, medical, even irrational fear of learning - and he didn't let it stand in his way, I think I'd be able to deal with it.

Doesn't help that he lives in a rural area so he can't get buses easily to even hold down any job.

Yes it would put me off. I don't think it's weird specifically for a man, it's weird for any adult. I know so few people who don't drive. It's just one of those things that most competent adults can do, they drive themselves to work, or around at weekends.

I have always lived in cities with good public transport so there’s been no reason to have a car or drive. Same for DP. Doesn’t put me off in the slightest.

To be fair, the man your friend was dating doesn't sound like a great catch. However seems really judgemental to write off all of us who don't drive / struggle to drive. I don't like to generalise people at all.
On the flipside, I can't imagine dating someone who was overly reliant on a car. Walking is a great way to keep fit, I hate shopping centre culture and spending time on the motorway in a traffic jam.

No

That should have been no I wouldn’t date a man who couldn’t drive and had no intention of learning .