Would a man not being able to drive, put you off dating him?

[CandiedPeach]

A bit of a odd one and not something I’ve ever thought of before today. Went out for lunch and a catch up with friends and one who was dating someone she seemed really keen on, said she’d ended things because he couldn’t drive (no medical reasons why not) and wasn’t planning on learning. One friend was in agreement with her that she wouldn’t date a man who couldn’t drive the other thinks it’s a ridiculous reason to end things. I initially thought it seemed harsh and I can’t imagine a woman not driving would be a deal breaker for many men, I may be wrong though. But then I wouldn’t want to be the only driver in a couple. So thinking more about it, it probably would put me off someone.

Oh I know Avocados I’ve been and it’s lovely. But it’s a park. My local one 10 mins walk with toddler legs is 700 acres. But it’s s park not the country side and it feels different.

Those who live in London so there’s no need to drive, what about when you want to get out of London? What about going to the countryside?

I never have any need to go to the countryside - I don't know anyone who lives in the countryside, I'm at least 20 years too young to visit a National Trust property, and DDog couldn't be trusted in the vicinity of livestock which would make things rather stressful. Walking DDog more than provides for any needs I may have for greenery - if you know where you're going there are acres of almost deserted woodland (eg Highgate Wood), massive parks (eg Hampstead Heath) and generally lots of opportunities for quasi rural solitude. The more famous parks do get a bit busy in the height of summer, but most are still fine and the second there's a bit of wet or cold weather you get Hampstead Heath to yourself again.

I've never felt the need for a car, even when living in non London cities. I've now got a company car as I have to drive long distances to various sites, and I still don't feel the need or desire to have a car for non-work purposes.

That’s what I was asking Avocardos is it not something those people saying they don’t need a car in London want to do.
Me and my group of friends go camping, hiking, mountain biking, rock climbing quite a lot so getting out and about is a big thing. Without a car it’s much more difficult and so I guess that plays a big part.

To clarify I don’t do that last two! Will occasionally join in bike riding, but it’s not my hobby and I’m really not a fan of heights, so no climbing. But my bf and my friendship group do.

It would have been a huge PITA had I been unable to drive when my elderly mother became frail and in need of care.

What I’m saying is that you don’t know what the future holds. There may come a time when being able to drive could be a life saver.

Yep that would put me off dating someone. It just seems a bit annoying?

Why on earth would anyone feel the need to leave London? Don't you all know that life ceases to exist outside the M25? What on earth could the dirty, nasty, countryside have which would appeal to the oh so sophisticated Londoners?

Actually, with attitudes like many of them have, they are welcome to stay rooted in Zone 1, where I know I can avoid them.

Totally agree that driving makes life so much easier. This weekend so far: took my 15 year old to his shift in a charity shop, 5 minutes in the car, 25 minutes walk, in the rain. Yesterday afternoon - took DD and her friend to the shopping centre. Public transport would have been a walk, bus, train, another bus, walk. At least 90 minutes. This morning the weather is glorious so we went up to Loch Lomond for a coffee and wander around Luss. Lovely. Couldn't have got there on public transport without a huge amount of forward planning and it would have taken hours when it's 30 or 35 minutes in the car.

People who can't imagine where they'd go or what they would do if they had a car are seriously lacking in imagination.

It would have been a huge PITA had I been unable to drive when my elderly mother became frail and in need of care

Different situations require different solutions I guess. BF doesn’t live near his family, his bro is useless and despite driving does nothing, so BF pays for a private carer for his mother which also cover appointments if they’re needed.

My two non-negotiables when dating were that they had to be able to drive and had to be able to swim.

There’s nothing more unattractive that constantly have to ferry people around for no good reason other than they couldn’t be bothered to learn to drive.

And swimming. Imagine going on a romantic holiday and seeing your partner doggy paddling gingerly in the shallow end. Shudder.

And swimming. Imagine going on a romantic holiday and seeing your partner doggy paddling gingerly in the shallow end. Shudder.

For me a romantic holiday wouldn’t necessarily involve swimming!

Dragonmamma - when listing all those things which should've been red flags with my husband (ex!) - one of them actually was "can't breathe when swimming unless holding entire head out of water"!

JacquesHammer
It's a bit wet - driving is a life skill IMO, like swimming

Driving isn’t a life preservation skill unless you’re going on the run...

Nowhere in my post did I mention life 'preservation'. Nothing to do with prepping or zombies

Life skills, in case you weren't aware, refer to skills which enhance your life and enable you to live it to the full.

Life skills, in case you weren't aware, refer to skills which enhance your life and enable you to live it to the full

You compared it to swimming...swimming is a vital “life skill” because it can genuinely save your life.

I rather think people who only think you can live life to the full with a car rather shortsighted and lacking in imagination. And I say that as a driver. A skill I never need to use when with the bf.

If we lived in London, no. If we lived anywhere else. Yes.

That’s what I was asking Avocardos is it not something those people saying they don’t need a car in London want to do.
Me and my group of friends go camping, hiking, mountain biking, rock climbing quite a lot so getting out and about is a big thing. Without a car it’s much more difficult and so I guess that plays a big part.

Camping in my mind is a one a year holiday sort of thing. I haven't felt the desire to go since I was a child (it tends to be more backpackers hostels in developing nations nowadays) but if I wanted to go to Devon for the week or something I'd hire a car - there are lots of car clubs.

Hiking - depends on the distances - I think most people are happy with parks and so on, but if not I'd get a train out of London and start hiking from the train station.

Mountain biking - lots and lots of cycling in London. Much of it is road / commuter cycling, but there's also a mountain biking centre at the Olympic Park. London has lots of great cycling culture - I Bike London disco rides, London Bike and Beer Group etc

Rock climbing - there are various indoor climbing sites, often in old churches. I'll confess I don't know of an equivalent in London, simply due to the topography, but if you lived in Bristol for instance you can climb the Avon Gorge without needing a car to get there.

If you know where to look in London, there's usually something for most hobbies. There are even two horse riding schools in zone 1, for instance. I suspect, however, that most people who are as outdoorsy as you and your friends wouldn't choose to move to London in the first place.

@CandiedPeach well Derbyshire is a big place, you don't know which part I live in! I don't want to say my exact location as I don't want to be outing but I am on a train route to Matlock which is a town in the peak district.

I'm a petrolhead so yes, it would be a dealbreaker for me. I did go out with a non driver for nearly a year and my life consisted of waiting for him to finish drinking so I could drive us home. Bloody miserable existence and I wished I'd had Mumsnet then, the relationship wouldn't have lasted more than a week 😡

Well your first point needs a drivers license Avocados! Which kind of makes the ‘no need to be able to drive’ part not work.

I totally get it’s maybe not worth running a car if you live and work in London. I was just asking what about when you want to leave London. But it seems everything is available in zone one of London anyway and no one needs or wants to leave. If they do it seems trains and buses run regularly and on time and stop next door to everyone’s homes and go to where ever you want to go.
So I must just live in a crap city, there’s a park that’s less than 10 mins drive from me and to get there by public transport I’d have to get the bus or train (both 5 mins walk) into the city centre 15/20 mins then another bus 30 mins to said park! And the few times I’ve tried the buses have been late or missed and then I just missed the next and it ended up taking more than a hour to get there.

One of my best friends lives and works in zone 1! She has a car though for when she wants to get out of London.

I would be put off, yes.

It's a bit pathetic for an adult to not be able to drive, imo.

No of course not BitchQueen. That’s why I’m not saying where I am. I guess as a none driver train/bus routes would be something you’d look in to when choosing somewhere to live.

Personally I like the fact I can get in the car at my choosing, no timetable etc. I can change my mind about where I’m going if for instance it starts raining half way there or it’s looking busy. I like been able to have wellies, raincoats, spare clothes, snacks, drinks etc in the boot and not have to carry it around.

Not a massive fan of driving I must say, although I like being a passenger. So I suppose it’s good for me that my bf can drive

Anyway I’m going off the topic so I’ll leave it now.

I ended up doing all the driving including to the pub and to his parents 2 hours away after work on a Friday. I used to think it wasn't a deal breaker. It was part of a pattern of childish failure to take responsibility for anything. The deal got broke.
Never cropped up since then.

At least your friend has been honest, if it's a deal breaker for her, then it's best she ended it before it began. I'm sure people have refused a second date for less.

I think when we were in London it wouldn't have been a problem, but now we live in a city with pretty rubbish (and expensive) public transport and we have children, so I'm grateful that both DH and I can drive, it does make things much more convenient.

I get that it's annoying to be the only driver in a relationship. If it's a deal breaker then it's a deal breaker, but it's really horrible that many people have labelled non drivers as pathetic, immature etc.

Try having some empathy - just because it was easy for you doesn't mean it's easy for everyone. For some, it may be extremely difficult or even impossible to get there.

Yes, it would bother me. I wouldn't want to be the only one in a relationship who could drive without good reason.

I am currently on an OLD site and received the following first message rant from a man who's profile id looked at 2 days ago but hadn't followed up with any kind of message. It does also say on my profile that I prefer somebody who can drive.