Would a man not being able to drive, put you off dating him?

[CandiedPeach]

A bit of a odd one and not something I’ve ever thought of before today. Went out for lunch and a catch up with friends and one who was dating someone she seemed really keen on, said she’d ended things because he couldn’t drive (no medical reasons why not) and wasn’t planning on learning. One friend was in agreement with her that she wouldn’t date a man who couldn’t drive the other thinks it’s a ridiculous reason to end things. I initially thought it seemed harsh and I can’t imagine a woman not driving would be a deal breaker for many men, I may be wrong though. But then I wouldn’t want to be the only driver in a couple. So thinking more about it, it probably would put me off someone.

Yes, driving and swimming. Essential life skills.

And cooking, cleaning, changing nappies, participating 50/50.

I want a partner, I don't want to be his parent.

@CandiedPeach I know Hampstead isn’t really the countryside, I was taking the mick. Hence the .

FWIW I served my time living in rural country village purgatory for nearly 10 years and found it hugely overrated. But had I been forced to stay much longer I’d have found a way to learn to drive somehow, because with two buses an hour to the nearest shitty town, fuck knows I’d have needed another way to escape!

IndieTara yikes 😱

You do know there is A LOT of medical things that prevent people from driving the most common is epilepsy but this is not the only one. If you think being medically unfit for driving is childish shame on you.

One of my friends would totally have the ability to drive but because of her epilepsy it is unsafe for her to do so (as well as her two brothers and i would be disgusted if people thought they were simply childish not learning to drive, they could drive but the risk of them having a fit at the wheel is too high so the DVLA has since banned both (ok not banned but revoked their license and given them a disabled public transport pass though the youngest brother had it confiscated by a stupid bus driver because he thought he did not look disabled so was fraudulently using the pass....)

I was married for years to someone who didn't drive. It was an absolute pain and over the years I became really resentful about it. He gave up learning because he didn't enjoy it and it was too much like hard work. It didn't come easily to me either and it took me a long time to pass but I persevered.

It was pretty illustrative of our relationship all round really. Unless there were very good reasons for someone not driving I wouldn't have a relationship with a non driver again. As a previous poster said - I have baggage.

Having had to pause driving for a period of time myself for medical reasons I'm well aware of how difficult it is for the other person in the relationship and how, because they loved me, they were prepared to endure it without complaint.
But "endure" is the word. Unless you both live and work in the city.

It’s interesting - there’s been a lot of anecdotes about unequal partners. Don’t you think they were partners who were likely to be CF whether they drove or not?!

All the examples have made me think “dick” not because they couldn’t drive but because they were unreasonable around that.

I wondered when we’d get a different version of the “do you find people who don’t drive annoying” threads that crop up on here with tedious regularity.

Not driving wouldn’t bother me one bit. Not being able to cook - now that’s a different kettle of fish altogether!

@Candied My first point would be fudged by saying that it wouldn't be a major problem if I just did the drive down to Devon - it's hardly a frequent thing.

London really has got public transport cracked - 24/7 buses, night tube, and always reliable unless something happens like signal failure or a jumper. I feel hard done by if I have to wait 5 mins for a tube to arrive. Living in outer zone 2, I never feel the need to venture beyond Zone 3, unless I'm leaving London to visit family or for work reasons.

That said, I'm leaving London due to the house prices - I'll never be able to save up a deposit for a flat this side of retirement, despite being on a good income. London is great, but you do pay through the nose for it. I've chosen my next abode for proximity to the services I need (park for DDog, city centre, mainline train station) so I can't see any need to have a car there either (shame I'll still be lumbered with the company car).

@IndieTara it's ranty and rudely put, but he does have a point about having better things to spend money on than a car. No one ever looked back on their deathbed and wished they'd spent more time driving; many people look back on life and wish they'd travelled to more countries.

If something as small as not driving when you live in a city puts someone off, I can't help but feel they're going to find something equally disagreeable in every man out there.

I find people who don't drive and have no desire to learn really odd, so yes is a deal breaker IMO. Why wouldn't you want to learn to drive? It enhances your life so much, public transport is unreliable and expensive. Obviously if you can't drive for medically reasons that's different, but people that just have no desire are usually very infantile and insular in my experience. They also expect lifts here, thereand everywhere and never contribute for petrol.

🙄

My dh's sibling has a licence but won't drive. Their partner doesn't have a licence. Which is fine in their world but a royal pain in the arse when they venture out of their bubble. Particularly hard on dh's increasingly elderly and infirm parents who have to drive them everywhere when they visit. Yes, have to because public transport is shit around here.

They also expect lifts here, thereand everywhere and never contribute for petrol

And of course they're likely to be a CF whether they can drive or not...

My BF gets a lift home once in a blue moon from the guy who lives three doors down. They work in the same office for the same company. In return for a very seldom used offer of a lift, my partner lets his workmate use his garage on a permanent basis for free - they cost in the region of £500 a month to rent. That's because he isn't a CF. He just doesn't drive because he doesn't need to.

Yes it would bother me
I find it odd when people don't drive
I don't want to be the one driving everywhere

You don't have to live in the middle of nowhere for it to be a PITA to have a non driving partner. My dd's city has quite good public transport but all the same it would be a major and time consuming pain to get 2 very little ones to and from their nursery and (different) pre-school if her dh wasn't able to share the to-ing and fro-ing.

Unless there's a medical reason, I do think there's something a bit odd about a man who won't drive. A very old friend of dh can but won't, for very strongly held environmental reasons, but then he never expects or asks for lifts from anyone else. (Might add that he is single.)

When dds were at school, must say I found 'choose not to drive' parents a major PITA - IF they expected you to ferry their kids as well as your own around, often in rush hour traffic, while they stayed at home all serene with a glass of wine.

@IndieTara I'd send the twat this link!!

@candied yes it was ranty and rudely put. Especially when I hadn't made any moves to contact him and he'd just decided to rant at a stranger ( me )because he didn't like something on my profile. Regardless of his reasons and his lack of reasoning it's just down to personal preferences for both us.

@FoodGloriousFud there's no link

unless it was medical or due to severe anxiety or another MH condition, then yes, unusual and they wouldn't share my outlook or lifestyle.

@IndieTara Sorry I missed most of the words out! Meant send him a link to this thread!

Yes, it would. Why should I do all the driving? I didn't used to think like this. But life and relationships wised me up.

Yes it would put me off. With the exception of Londoners I think anyone is a bit lame/sad if they have no spark to learn and I hate seeing women being driven around by men all the time!

I think it puts me off, I have no right whatsoever to think this as I dont drive however. But it does. Not because I want taking to and from work or anything like that, I just like to know we can go places without worrying how to get there. Again, i am completely unreasonable with this as i do not drive.

Tink1990 so how do you manage that when not in a relationship. I think it's really off to only want to be with someone who drives to make your life easier, but not willing to do the same. Is there a medical reason you don't drive?

With the exception of Londoners other cities with decent public transport do exist...