Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Would a man not being able to drive, put you off dating him?

275 replies

CandiedPeach · 21/09/2018 19:04

A bit of a odd one and not something I’ve ever thought of before today. Went out for lunch and a catch up with friends and one who was dating someone she seemed really keen on, said she’d ended things because he couldn’t drive (no medical reasons why not) and wasn’t planning on learning. One friend was in agreement with her that she wouldn’t date a man who couldn’t drive the other thinks it’s a ridiculous reason to end things. I initially thought it seemed harsh and I can’t imagine a woman not driving would be a deal breaker for many men, I may be wrong though. But then I wouldn’t want to be the only driver in a couple. So thinking more about it, it probably would put me off someone.

OP posts:
Starlive23 · 21/09/2018 23:49

Not at all, it's really not a deal breaking quality, I wouldn't even give it a second thought!

spacefighter · 21/09/2018 23:57

I couldn't date someone who couldn't drive.

happymummy12345 · 22/09/2018 00:00

Why is it negative? It's not that big a deal.
My dh can't drive as he has a sleep condition. I can't drive because when I was offered lessons for my 17th I declined, and have never bothered with it. Simply prefer a drink to being able to drive.
I could never be annoyed my husband can't drive as it's not his fault. It is however my fault I declined to learn,
When it's cold or raining or we are in a rush I often think I wish I'd learnt to drive. But I can't change it at that moment so that's the end of it.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Dating General relationships
happymummy12345 · 22/09/2018 00:02

Some people here need to fuck off with their rude comments as well. Fucking ignorant!

LucyMorningStar · 22/09/2018 00:07

@adaline aha they're all fair points. My beef is with people assuming that non-drivers are inadequate and needy. That's just bollocks.

eelbecomingforyou · 22/09/2018 00:09

I would be put off. It’s a basic adult skill. If you have dc or have poor public transport, it’s essential to learn how to drive. I’ve driven since I was 17.

VetOnCall · 22/09/2018 00:19

Total dealbreaker for me; I could never be in a relationship with a non-driver. Regarding people who could drive but don't, I just can't relate to the mindset of someone who doesn't want to be able to drive and I don't find it attractive in a man to be reliant on cadging lifts or waiting around to get on a bus to go anywhere, like a perpetual teenager. I do a lot of hiking, climbing, camping etc. trips in remote places so being able to drive is essential.

IamMoana · 22/09/2018 00:19

I can't, my husband can but chooses not to. Not a single care is given what anyone else thinks. The peasant wagon does us just fine Smile

MarcieBluebell · 22/09/2018 00:25

I can't drive for medical reasons and can totally see why people would want to date a driver. It's an absolute pain in the rear not driving so I wouldn't understand someone who CHOSE not to. I find it obstinate.

It's also a bit immature having to get lifts. Bit man-childy.

MarcieBluebell · 22/09/2018 00:27

When it's cold or raining or we are in a rush I often think I wish I'd learnt to drive. But I can't change it at that moment so that's the end of it.

What about forward planning Hmm

FairfaxAikman · 22/09/2018 00:31

DH can't drive. I actually admire him for it -he has issues with spatial awareness that mean he feels he wouldn't be safe. I wish more people had the same attitude - I do 25,000 miles a year and the standard of some people is just awful.

Flaminghotcocoa · 22/09/2018 00:36

I think it would be a deal breaker for me.

The only non-driving man I know is an utterly deluded, self centred parasite.
His dw doesn’t drive either and they rely on people for lifts a lot. She works really hard though, whilst he’s a complete waster. Their lives and the lives of those around them (whom they rely on) would be easier if they both learned to drive.

If you could exist as a non-driver without ever needing lifts that would be fine. I wouldn’t be too impressed if I was asked for a lift or to get on the bus for a first date though .

Oh and for whoever asked, I think equally poorly of men or women who don’t drive!

Flaminghotcocoa · 22/09/2018 00:38

And I do me DON’T rather than CAN’T.

Those who can’t for medical reasons have a tough hand dealt to them IMO in terms of their independence.

BlueKittens · 22/09/2018 00:46

So many of you are so narrow minded- I’m quite shocked!

My husband drives but so what if he didn’t? We have DC, we don’t live in London but we do live somewhere where driving is not actually that convenient day to day due to congestion. We cycle and walk most places because it is quicker. Nursery, work, school, town shopping are so much easier to do without the car. We do haircuts dentist and doctors without the car. Have a lot of appointments at hospital (pregnancy) makes no sense to drive because of the cost of parking. Where I live, employers and services actively discourage residents from using the car. As I say, we don’t live in London! For work I travel for meetings city to city- my employer prefers I take the train because I can work on the journey and take calls.

I can’t believe the level of judgement here. Soon we’ll all be using driverless vehicles anyway, so our driving licenses will be redundant Grin

BakedBeans47 · 22/09/2018 00:49

Yeah, that would bug me in the circs you describe. If I really liked him I doubt it would put me off but if he was just meh it’d be bye bye

Stinkbomb · 22/09/2018 01:04

Where I live there isn't very good public transport links at all, so if I was with someone who couldn't share driving to visit different places, it would always fall to me, or be very expensive with taxis. It wouldn't suit the area I live in at all, if you couldn't drive.

user1andonly · 22/09/2018 01:12

A definite negative for me - not a deal breaker on it's own but everything else Wink would need to be pretty wonderful to make up for it!

thoroclock · 22/09/2018 01:29

My DH can't drive and he is in his late 50's. He lived and worked in London which he said is why he never bothered learning. At first it didn't bother me, I like driving, but fast forward 15 years and 2 DC and it really annoys me. I don't mind at all for long journeys, but it's the 'popping out' trips that all fall upon me that really piss me off. If the children have something on at the weekend, it's always me that takes them.
He never expects me to drive, and is mindful that long journeys can be tiring as a driver, but i find it very I dream of being driven for a night out!!

thoroclock · 22/09/2018 01:32

Sorry, sent too soon.
Last bit meant to say - I find it very unattractive now, the lack of such a practical skill.
And yes, I do dream about being driven for a night out!!Grin

Mhw02 · 22/09/2018 06:50

@Spanielmadness I've managed to climb a glacier in New Zealand, and go hiking in Switzerland and Poland by catching public transport.

I have lived in various parts of the country from London to Stornoway. When I was living in Inverness and wanted to visit Culloden I walked the twelve mile round trip without a second thought.

I have been to Australia, New Zealand, Russia, Japan, the USA on my own and travelled extensively in Europe.

I have climbed a number of Munros and gone on five day camping trips carrying all my kit in my backpack.

Please explain to me how I have no drive, ambition or interest in exploring the world around me because I don't drive.

groundcontroltomontydon · 22/09/2018 07:26

It depends if cars and driving are going to figure large in your life. Driving is too time-consuming, expensive and responsible a chore not to be able to share. It's easy to be guilted into being someon's chauffeur because you have the 'gift' of driving.

Gohackyourself · 22/09/2018 07:40

A Gf of mine was ok with her husband not being a driver.... until they had their first child many years later An the child birth went very wrong , friend nearly died and her and the baby were kept in nearly 2 weeks.if it wasn’t for the sake of well meaning friends and one family member they would have really struggled , as it was they had to spend a fortune on cabs an waiting for people to finish work to get him there.That really tipped it for her, she nearly divorced him 3 years later when he said “ he didn’t fancy “ learning to drive!!! He was v v lazy an immature an it took nearly loosing his marriage to force him!
He done it after a few failed tests an they were able to move to the countryside , live in a house they would never have afforded here, An he took a job he would never have been able to in the past.

adaline · 22/09/2018 07:42

I think people's answers to this are going to depend massively on where they live.

Living in London or another big city without a license is really neither here nor there. There's excellent public transport links and if not, there's Uber, or you can walk to most places anyway.

For those of us living rurally, not being able to drive is really restrictive. Our nearest hospital, for example, is 45 minutes drive. The local taxi rank often closes at short notice for family functions or emergencies. Public transport doesn't run on Sundays and during the winter, it stops on weekdays at 6pm or so.

Of course you can cope without a car but it's extremely isolating and restrictive. There's no cinema here, no public pool, no bowling alley, no shopping centre. All those things are where the nearest hospital is - a 45 minute drive on country roads, over an hour by bus or train.

You're in danger of becoming incredibly isolated here without a car. A lot of our non-driving residents are dependent on lifts from family or neighbours to get to medical appointments because they don't drive and public transport is too unreliable. It can't be a nice way to live.

BetterEatCheese · 22/09/2018 07:47

It would bother me as it would potentially mean I would drive everywhere always and never be able to share the burden, or they would not be as independent or able to pop out to the shops or do errands. I would resent them in the end

DinosApple · 22/09/2018 07:48

Depends where you live really Aston whether it's a deal breaker.

Out of the people sat round our table at Christmas, four adults drive, four adults don't. The reasons vary, finances, confidence, and one Londoner.
All are over 35, very intelligent people.