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Original poster

Would a man not being able to drive, put you off dating him?

275 replies

CandiedPeach · 21/09/2018 19:04

A bit of a odd one and not something I’ve ever thought of before today. Went out for lunch and a catch up with friends and one who was dating someone she seemed really keen on, said she’d ended things because he couldn’t drive (no medical reasons why not) and wasn’t planning on learning. One friend was in agreement with her that she wouldn’t date a man who couldn’t drive the other thinks it’s a ridiculous reason to end things. I initially thought it seemed harsh and I can’t imagine a woman not driving would be a deal breaker for many men, I may be wrong though. But then I wouldn’t want to be the only driver in a couple. So thinking more about it, it probably would put me off someone.

OP posts:
LooksBetterWithAFilter · 21/09/2018 21:45

My ex hand the man I was in a relationship with before him couldn’t drive dh thankfully does. It would have really put me off if he couldn’t drive after being in two relationships as the only driver. It’s still a total pain in the arse now that exh can’t drive an we had a discussion recently about him learning to make everyone’s life (including his own) a lot easier. It’s not that he doesn’t want to he’s just not very proactive about anything at all and he has had lessons but didn’t keep them up.
I love driving and do as much of the family driving as dh but it is much easier sharing it on long journeys and much better that he is able to take on some of the running about as well rather than it all falling to me.

BackforGood · 21/09/2018 21:54

If everything else was going well / looking positive, then I don't think it would be a 'deal breaker' but it would certainly be seen as a negative.

Mhw02 · 21/09/2018 21:57

Exactly @ginandtonicformeplease if not having a driving licence is so inconvenient, would people actually care if there was a legitimate excuse? I think I'm actually going to have to stop reading this thread, because it really is annoying me.

I can understand not having a driving licence being a deal breaker, particularly if you live rurally. We all have our own priorities. What I can't understand is how people can be so disparaging and cast aspersions on people's character because of it!

I'll bear in mind that I'm not a proper adult when I'm paying my mortgage. I'll remember I'm lazy next time I'm during a theatre run and eight hours of dance a week in addition to my full time job. I'll consider how selfish I am next time I run a half marathon for charity, despite being loaded with the cold, or next time I donate blood. I'll be sure to know I have no "get up and go" next time I fly to Australia, move across the country for a job, climb a mountain, or go rock climbing, caving or abseiling.

What a useless, boring person I am for not being able to drive!

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adaline · 21/09/2018 21:59

Yes, it would be a dealbreaker for me.

But, I live very rurally and you pretty much need a driving license here. Our public transport is horrific (strikes most weeks) and even when it runs, it stops at about 6pm and barely runs at all in winter.

When I first met DH I didn't drive - but I needed to learn if I wanted us to stay together long-term, our relationship (and my job) wouldn't have been sustainable otherwise.

LeftRightCentre · 21/09/2018 22:01

Depends. In a place like London, no, but otherwise, yes.

theboxofdelights · 21/09/2018 22:03

Wouldn't bother me. Hopefully he/she would live somewhere with good public transport links. I didn't learn to drive until I was 28 because I moved to London after uni and didn't need a car.

One of my siblings doesn't drive, a conscious choice after being a passenger in a very nasty accident - doesn't make them a poor choice of partner because they live somewhere where it doesn't really affect them.

LemonysSnicket · 21/09/2018 22:05

No until my Dsis got in a relationship with one. She can never have a drink, has to ferry him around, makes plans around taking him places.
Obviously other issues in the relationship but it would worry me that he would infringe on my life.

If he can't drive for a reason ie trauma, disability etc then no, so long as he is willing to use public transport independently

LemonysSnicket · 21/09/2018 22:06

I would also worry he has lost his license due to drink, arrest etc

Doonewanker · 21/09/2018 22:10

Very variable upon circumstances but on the whole, if in a situation with partner and you have kids together - yes total hassle if they can't drive.

AlecTrevelyan006 · 21/09/2018 22:23

as a slight aside - there are lots of studies showing that the numbers of young people with a full driving license has been falling year on year

e.g.

www.autoexpress.co.uk/car-news/102466/number-of-young-adults-with-driving-licences-falls-by-40-per-cent

LucyMorningStar · 21/09/2018 22:29

Here's a different story. I am 32, never drove, never had a lesson, don't have a licence. The thought of possibility of killing my child or a pedestrian or another driver or their loved ones terrifies the shit out of me. I am not willing to take that risk.
Was married to a driver. Never asked for a lift, never was offered a lift, did all child transportation by buses, whatever the weather or circumstances. He didn't do any ferrying, pick ups, drop offs, nothing! So i'm getting rather pissed off at all the frigging righteous on here saying how immature and childish non-drivers are. It is possible to live without a car!
And as an aside - annual bus pass is £342. How much does it cost to run a car per year?
Plus I actually walk a lot, which a lot of drivers seem to be incapable of doing. My MIL is horrified whenever I say I don't need a lift because walking for 20 - 30 mins in nothing to me, haha!

Original poster
CandiedPeach · 21/09/2018 22:29

Apologies to those who feel offended by the post. Like I said I’ve never though of it as a deal breaker and don’t think badly of people who don’t drive for any reason. Once we talked about it though I thought of lots of things that would be more difficult if a partner didn’t drive.

OP posts:
LBOCS2 · 21/09/2018 22:31

DH doesn't drive. He grew up in zone 2 and has never lived outside London. I drive; I went away from London to university and found it hugely frustrating not being able to get around. We run a car, the cost of which is shared, and if I don't want to drive then we split the cost of a cab. For most people who grew up in London it's not even a thing, I would say probably 50% of my schoolfriends still don't have licenses.

Zeguso · 21/09/2018 22:39

I live rurally and can’t drive, so have to rely on dh in I go to doctors etc.
I get how it could put people off at the beginning of a relationship though.

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 21/09/2018 22:46

When I met dh we were at a university where cars were not allowed. I don’t know when I discovered he could drive (nor him me) but I guess we must have had the conversation at some point. But I can’t imagine it was very important to me then.

Today, nearly 20 years later, with the life we have, the children we have and the activities they do (think one competitive triathlete) I can’t imagine how hard it would be if we suddenly woke up and one of us couldn’t drive any more.

soulrider · 21/09/2018 22:48

OH doesn't drive for medical reasons and it doesn't stop people being just as judgemental as a lot of the attitudes shown here despite the protest 'unless for medical reasons'

EnidButton · 21/09/2018 22:57

Luckily for those who would judge someone for not driving, they probably wouldn't touch you with a barge pole either. So everyone's happy.

EnidButton · 21/09/2018 22:59

"They" being people who don't drive.

I can't imagine writing someone off just because they walk or get taxis and buses instead of driving a car. Confused

florenceheadache · 21/09/2018 23:21

But in the case of dating it could be a red flag for other issues that might impact a relationship; illness or lifestyle choices.

adaline · 21/09/2018 23:27

@LucyMorningStar

Surely you understand that not everyone lives somewhere with public transport? And that for some people, there's no other option but to drive?

I couldn't get to my job without a car - public transport times mean I'd have to leave the day before and leave again half way through my shift! Walking would take at least two days, and a taxi would take over a days wages.

A bus pass would be affordable but it makes no difference as it can't get me where I need to be.

SheikYerboutii · 21/09/2018 23:36

My DP doesn't drive and it DRIVES ME MAD. On the plus side though, I don't have to share the car with him.

motortroll · 21/09/2018 23:39

Not for dating but long term in a relationship possibly with children....no way!

My sister has this with her husband and after job issues she has to drive him to work as he's no longer local!! When you have kids that's a nightmare!

I guess it depends on if he's willing to try to learn and what you want in the future!

pachyderm · 21/09/2018 23:46

I find a lot of these attacks on non drivers unpleasant too. I have tried many times to learn but I am phobic on the road, hate even being in a car and have very poor spatial awareness and sense of direction. It isn't easy for everyone. Despite this, I'm an educated, well travelled, hardworking responsible adult; it is possible you know. I don't rely on others for lifts and live in a city so I can manage.

Maddy70 · 21/09/2018 23:46

It actually would put me off but loads of my friends don't drive. No need we live in a city. But .....

Spanielmadness · 21/09/2018 23:46

I wouldn’t date a non-driver again (I did once when I was younger).

It’s not the non-driving that’s an issue, it’s the bigger picture of a lack of ambition, drive (pardon the pun), interest in exploring the world around them etc etc.

Those that say you can get public transport- you can’t do this to hike in the Lakes, camp in rural Wales, shoot over from the SW of the country to the SE....... so many other interesting places that are inaccessible independently to the non-driver.