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Original poster

Would a man not being able to drive, put you off dating him?

275 replies

CandiedPeach · 21/09/2018 19:04

A bit of a odd one and not something I’ve ever thought of before today. Went out for lunch and a catch up with friends and one who was dating someone she seemed really keen on, said she’d ended things because he couldn’t drive (no medical reasons why not) and wasn’t planning on learning. One friend was in agreement with her that she wouldn’t date a man who couldn’t drive the other thinks it’s a ridiculous reason to end things. I initially thought it seemed harsh and I can’t imagine a woman not driving would be a deal breaker for many men, I may be wrong though. But then I wouldn’t want to be the only driver in a couple. So thinking more about it, it probably would put me off someone.

OP posts:
70isaLimitNotaTarget · 21/09/2018 20:22

Dated him, married him, had 2 children with him.

Him not driving is not his most annoying trait Wink

headinhands · 21/09/2018 20:25

I didn't drive when first met dh. I think he'd have been a shit if he'd seen it as a deal breaker.

IfyouseeRitaMoreno · 21/09/2018 20:26

Maybe the poor bloke can’t afford a car. Honestly what a weird reason to write someone off!

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villainousbroodmare · 21/09/2018 20:27

Basic adulting imo. It would totally put me off. Apologies to the dyspraxic peopĺe - I do think that driving is indeed not for everyone - but I wouldn't contemplate being with a non-driver.

Dowser · 21/09/2018 20:32

My husband had a stroke and lost his driving licence 2.5 years ago
It’s made a huge difference to our lives
I have to do all the driving and the long distance can be a killer, at 66 , failing eyesight, health problems

I won’t be divorcing him any time soon, but if I was looking for a new partner...I’d definitely tick the must be able to drive box

eurochick · 21/09/2018 20:35

Nope. It wouldn't and it didn't, but I guess it depends on circumstances. We lived in London so it really didn't matter. 15 years on and living further out it's a right pain in the bum. He's finally having driving lessons. It meant I was back behind the wheel 11 days after my section because our daughter was in nicu and relying on cabs that found every speed bump in the borough was no fun. It didn't bother me really until we had a child. Now I'm a bit sick of it.

Gettingbackonmyfeet · 21/09/2018 20:36

I confess that (excluding medical reasons )it would put me off but to be honest I think it's me being unreasonable.

I admit I do find it a bit childish because it's such a big lifeskill , Exdh didn't have a driving licence when we met but did have a full bike licence so that seemed ok ,but even he admits now it was about his mother not allowing him to break free

So yes for me it would be a deal breaker but I'm.not convinced it would be reasonable (but would break it off anyway)

tierraJ · 21/09/2018 20:38

I can't drive thanks to poorly controlled epilepsy & it's the most frustrating thing ever!

I live close to my job in a large town with a good bus service but unfortunately my 3 best mates live out in the country!

I would want a prospective partner to be able to drive as it would be useful plus I love cars & can't understand why someone without health issues wouldn't drive.

The bus is a nuisance as the older people on the bus always like the windows shut on the hottest days; buses are usually late & often there are smelly or drunk or loud types on there... sorry.

Dowser · 21/09/2018 20:39

All my grandchildren are getting £1000 worth of driving lessons when 17 from me

It’s a must.

Bacere · 21/09/2018 20:42

Bonkers! I didn't realise besides having GSOH ability to drive was also a requirement!!

starsandstuff · 21/09/2018 20:44

those saying they find it childish if a man doesn't drive, do you feel the same about women that don't drive?

Yes. It's not about people who can't it's people who wont. If you have a disability? Fine. Anxiety? Fine. Can't afford it? Fine. Flat out refuse because why should I? Fuck off into the sea with your deliberate helplessness.

NotMadeByDesign · 21/09/2018 20:46

Wow, I feel useless now... I can’t drive, I tried driving lessons and did 10, determined the finish the block booking, but I just vomited from nerves every time. One time in my lap, luckily the rest of the time before getting in the car. I start CBT in October, my medication hasn’t changed in the last couple of months, I’m hoping to have another go after Christmas, but walking, riding a bike or catching a bus or train doesn’t bother me at all, so I don’t expect lifts and I do give petrol and parking money to DP.

Pieceofpurplesky · 21/09/2018 20:56

I live in the middle of nowhere and it's kind of necessary. It wouldn't exactly put me off but would be bloody inconvenient

TownHall · 21/09/2018 20:57

It depend where they lived. If they lived in central London it wouldn't bother me as much as if they lived in the countryside.

It also depend how old they were.

Lonelystarbuckslover · 21/09/2018 21:02

Wow. This is insightful. I can drive but I don't because I live in a city centre with bog all parking, my commute is from a city centre to a city centre so basically I would be maintaining a car to keep parked and occasionally take shopping. No wonder I'm single then eh?

AndNoneForGretchenWieners · 21/09/2018 21:03

DH didn't drive when we met - he had failed his test years before and didn't have the money to take more lessons. I don't drive for medical reasons, so we were reliant on public transport to start with. Going on a self catering holiday with a baby by train to a caravan site was the turning point - it was so stressful that he started taking lessons soon after and my parents lent us money to buy a car. It has made a huge difference having our own transport and I find it so hard to remember what it was like before and have no idea how we coped.

I don't think it would necessarily put me off dating someone (because it didn't before) but I would be disappointed.

FabulousTomatoes · 21/09/2018 21:08

Yeah, if I’m being honest it would put me off. The only reason it wouldn’t would be if he had a medical condition or if he had lived in London all his life therefore hadn’t needed to (although even that would make me fear that he was a bit insular and hadn’t really ever left London and explored the rest of the country!)

If it was down to a stubborn ‘can’t-do’ attitude that would put me off more than the fact I’d have to drive him everywhere. Where I live, having a car is a must.

TiaMariaAndCoke · 21/09/2018 21:08

As someone else said - "basic adulting skill".

I married a man who couldn't drive. As I drove myself to hospital with pre-eclampsia the scales fell from my eyes.

It's like adults who can't swim.

Catspyjamazzzz · 21/09/2018 21:13

My BF is married to someone who doesn’t drive and has no interest in driving.
He can get to work fine etc she spends her whole life picking up kids and taking them places. When she’s sick or away they miss activities. He takes holidays if he needs to take youngest to nursery and they stay home instead as too awkward to get to.
She’s the one who has to go out at night to collect older kids and he sits at home.
It would piss me off.

3boysandabump · 21/09/2018 21:24

I couldn't be with someone who didn't drive.
It would get on my nerves always having to be the designated driver. Always having to be the one to ferry the kids around. Always having to be the one who does the shopping. We go on holidays in the uk a lot so it's helpful to be able to share the driving. And always being the sober one when we go round for a drink with friends (actually mainly this one 😂)

DiveBombingSeagull · 21/09/2018 21:27

I would want to date someone who could pull their weight equally and not being able to drive in a rural area with sod all transport would not be pulling their weight.

ginandtonicformeplease · 21/09/2018 21:35

This type of thread really irritates me. Would it honestly make a difference if he couldn't drive for medical reasons? Your friend sounds so judgmental there's not a chance in hell I'd tell her why I'd don't drive.

And since one in 20 people have a one off seizure in their life - so instantly lose driving licence - it's not exactly rare to all of a sudden have your licence revoked (and going from this thread your girlfriend dump you).

3in4years · 21/09/2018 21:37

I think it's great. Cars are bad.

Skylucy · 21/09/2018 21:38

Wow. I only learned to drive last year, and I'd been married 3 years. It would have broken my heart if my non-driving was a dealbreaker to potential/actual partners! I've always earned a reasonable wage and don't have a disability...I just never needed to drive (grew up in London, rode a bike throughout uni, moved back to London). I always had it on my to-do list but never liked the idea much - I'm not well-coordinated and I absolutely hated the idea of annoying 'actual' drivers with my crap driving skills! After 5 instructors and sporadic lessons across 4 years I passed in an automatic. Thank Christ for those. No-one's ever really commented on my late learning, but a similarly-aged friend passed the same week as me (in an automatic!) and dealt with a lot of stick before and after. Funnily enough, he's a he.

Floaty2018 · 21/09/2018 21:40

Its a dealbreaker for me I'm afraid. It's just a good life skill to have, nobody's saying you need to go out and buy a Ferrari...