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Original poster

Would a man not being able to drive, put you off dating him?

275 replies

CandiedPeach · 21/09/2018 19:04

A bit of a odd one and not something I’ve ever thought of before today. Went out for lunch and a catch up with friends and one who was dating someone she seemed really keen on, said she’d ended things because he couldn’t drive (no medical reasons why not) and wasn’t planning on learning. One friend was in agreement with her that she wouldn’t date a man who couldn’t drive the other thinks it’s a ridiculous reason to end things. I initially thought it seemed harsh and I can’t imagine a woman not driving would be a deal breaker for many men, I may be wrong though. But then I wouldn’t want to be the only driver in a couple. So thinking more about it, it probably would put me off someone.

OP posts:
BitchQueen90 · 21/09/2018 19:50

Well I don't drive so it would be a bit hypocritical of me to refuse to date a man who didn't drive.

I'm used to life without a car so I wouldn't care.

SodTheBloodyLotOfThem · 21/09/2018 19:51

amusedbush both those points make a massive difference. In a .city you probably have decent public transport (Though not all cities do) and if you have DC then there is a fair bit of racing the clock involved - drop offs, pick ups, activities, parties in random village halls on a Sunday afternoon, the never ending appointments and so on.

All the above and a partner who couldn't help with the ferrying? No thanks. Would I say the same about a woman who couldn't drive? A lot of men wouldn't let it inconvenience them, they'd let the woman get on with ferrying by any means possible.

Bluntness100 · 21/09/2018 19:52

I'm afraid to say yes, it would put me off too.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Dating General relationships
florenceheadache · 21/09/2018 19:53

Depends where you/he lives. Rural isolated where you need to bum rides rely on favours? Vs inner city.

LaPufalina · 21/09/2018 19:53

I did in London, without realising, as so many people have licences but don't run a car!
My dad asked him if he drove and he said he didn't have a car... Dad (a detective Grin) said that that wasn't the question! I'd been with him a while, too.
He learned to drive in my car with me but it was very testing. I wasn't that fussed as public transport in London is often quicker and/or easier than driving.

BitchQueen90 · 21/09/2018 19:53

Oh and I do not live in London but I do live somewhere with really good public transport and buses run 24 hours, 7 days a week.

ashtrayheart · 21/09/2018 19:56

'Something as basic as driving'
Thanks for that. I'm studying for a degree, am reasonably intelligent, but find driving to be incredibly hard. Some people don't find it that easy you know.

Johnnyfinland · 21/09/2018 19:56

As a PP said, Food, it’s not basic for everyone. Some people just cannot do it no matter how hard they try or how many lessons they have. You don’t know what people’s reasons are for not driving. I don’t drive (due to anxiety, spatial awareness and reaction issues, 5 failed tests) and I’ve never found any man to be put off me because of it

Iwantaunicorn · 21/09/2018 19:57

I much prefer to drive myself than be driven, so his not being able to drive would be fab for me!

Peanutbuttershake · 21/09/2018 19:57

These statistics are quite interesting. "in this period, 75% of White people, 61% of Asian people, 60% of people from a Mixed ethnic background, 59% of people from the Other ethnic group and 53% of Black people held a driving licence"

www.ethnicity-facts-figures.service.gov.uk/culture-and-community/transport/driving-licences/latest

I think there are many elements to why people don't drive that aren't discussed. But that's an aside and a topic for another post. I do get why not driving appears useless - God knows I feel that way sometimes. But I'm just trying to illustrate that it's not always as simple as laziness or immaturity.

DonnaDarko · 21/09/2018 20:00

I don't drive, and I just turned 34, so I think that would be really hypocritical of me!

I've always lived and /or worked in London so ive never really needed to. I am doing lessons now, though.

It is a bit weird that he doesn't want to learn at all, but maybe he has his reasons.

ScreamingValenta · 21/09/2018 20:01

I don't understand why people would choose not to learn something as basic as driving.

That's one of the points - it isn't 'basic' for everyone; for some people it's incredibly difficult. If you have poor co-ordination and spatial awareness, it seems impossible and terrifying - like asking someone who is tone deaf to take the principal role in an opera.

FoodGloriousFud · 21/09/2018 20:02

I didn't mean to offend, to me driving is a basic skill. Driving was a rite of passage as a teenager and I know very few people my age (early 30s) who don't drive.

pinkhorse · 21/09/2018 20:04

Yes it would put me off too.

Mhw02 · 21/09/2018 20:08

I find some of these replies very harsh! Calling people lazy, selfish, immature, childish because they don't drive? Suggesting someone can't be independent or spontaneous if they don't drive? Crikey!

I am educated, with a professional job, and a mortgage. I have travelled abroad multiple times on my own and can confidently navigate a foreign city independently. I have taken plenty of spur-of-the-moment trips, including day trips to Newcastle and London...

But I don't drive. I'm dyspraxic and I just can't process all the pieces of information that I require to process when driving. But I don't ask for lifts from people, I'm actually happier making my own way to places, and if offered will always offer to share petrol money.

Perhaps men are judged more harshly when it comes to not driving, but it's still not very nice to think that I might be being judged and looked down upon.

Yogagirl123 · 21/09/2018 20:09

It would definitely put me off, weird for a man not to drive. I would wonder if he had lost his licence for some reason.

IHaveBrilloHair · 21/09/2018 20:10

I passed my test at 18, but didn't drive until I was 34 because I couldn't afford a car.
I'm now 40 and do have a car but since I didn't drive for so long, I wouldn't judge anyone else for it.
Incidentally, I'm putting my 17yr old through her test so she will have the skill.

Notacluewhatthisis · 21/09/2018 20:10

Honestly it's a pain.

Dp has a motorbike so can ferry himself around. But if we got to the point where we lived together, it would make life easier if he could pick ds up from school. Currently the only choice would be 2 buses there and 2 buses back. Because of the times the buses are it would be 3 hours. Or put ds on the back of a motorbike. Which isn't going to happen. Ever.

Lightsong · 21/09/2018 20:12

My DP doesn't drive. It didn't cross my mind to be put off when we first met. 4 years and a baby later and it pisses me off now that I am the only driver. We live NE so no great public transport and DP can and does drive other types of vehicle (no driving license needed) but he still won't start driving lessons.

LivininaBox · 21/09/2018 20:12

I would guess that cost is a big part of it? Forking out for a car, insurance and lessons is a huge amount if you don't actually need to do it. And if you live in a flat you may not have anywhere to park a car.

So no, on its own this is not a deal breaker for me.

Neolara · 21/09/2018 20:15

I think it might also depend on how old they were. Mid twenties being a non driver is fine. Mid forties would be odd. And yes, it would massively put me off.

MonumentVal · 21/09/2018 20:18

It took me over £3000 by 1999 to learn to drive (age 17 to 25, 4 tests, never had a car to practise in outside lessons), having lessons every time I had some cash - so given that experience isn't unusual, that's a good reason lots of people don't learn if there isn't a compelling reason.

DramaAlpaca · 21/09/2018 20:18

DH couldn't drive when we first got together, and it didn't put me off at all. He learned a couple of years later though, it wasn't as if he had no intention of learning. That might have been a deal breaker.

BewareOfDragons · 21/09/2018 20:20

It would put me right off, and I would encourage my children to take such things into consideration, too, when looking for lifetime partners. THe non-driver becomes too dependent on the driver, even if they claim they don't need to drive, and it all falls on the driver. Add children and boom ... they end up doing all the heavy slogging because they do the driving ... doctor's, hospital, dentist, haircuts, shopping, groceries, holidays... all of it. No thank you.

Nacreous · 21/09/2018 20:21

It would depend where I lived and the reasons behind it.

Live in London or somewhere else with functional public transport? No problem. Where I live now? Seriously annoying.

Obviously if they had a disability that made it impossible/difficult, that would be different but if they didn’t then it would imply that they didn’t have the get up and go to get on with it and learn.

I had an old boyfriend who lived very rurally and had parents well enough off to pay for lessons when he was 17. He just couldn’t be arsed to learn. It was a sign of things to come and ultimately we broke up because he couldn’t get his shit together or be bothered to organise things. He was bright and high achieving but things just weren’t going to work because I had a lot more get up and go.