“My child is top of their class”

[BluthsFrozenBananas]

I see this on threads quite often, I just saw it on another thread. Or my child is on a higher book band than any other classmate, or is top in maths, and I wonder, how the hell do people know that?

My DD is in y6, at no time since she’s been in primary have I known her “ranking” in the class, or that of any other child. Neither did I have any idea what book band others were on in the days of reading books.

I get if your child is super bright and doing extension work far beyond their years you might assume they were “top” of the class, but even then surely it’s not a given as teachers don’t routinely give out information about other children’s accidemic achievements.

Or am I missing out on something and schools publish super secret league tables of children which only the parents of children at the top get to see?

Ds1 no idea where he is
Ds2 stupidly clever gets 9’s for all but one subject
Conversations with teachers in several subjects talking about taking gcse’s early to keep him motivated and stimulated.
We have declined and decided to widen the range of subjects he is learning so he stays with his peers.

I agree that teachers shouldn’t be telling parents how their children compare to their peers but ime some (not all) do. Not quite as bad as one parents evening I had though where the teacher told me that my child who has sn was an absolute delight compared to x (other child with sn in the class) who does x and y all the time and can’t do this and can’t do that. I left that meeting in shock not only at the way the other child had been spoken about but also that we’d barely discussed my child the whole time!

Yes I always wonder this! DD is in a small class of 14 and I don't have the foggiest how other kids are doing or what reading level they are (I don't even know what reading level is considered 'good' for a 5yo). I only found out last week that 1 boy she's been friends at school with for a year has SEN, his mum told me (they've known all his life but it's not information she usually offers!)

DS came home in the first term and said he was in the top group. We asked him why he said that and his reply was that the teacher had left a list out with all the children’s names on and which set they were in and he’d read it upside down.

We more or less ignored it as kids make things up, but sort of thought that if he was reading upside down at 4 there was a chance that he might be. Not sure how the other children faired but he did very well in his SATS at the end of Y6

It's fairly safe to assume when your child has exceeding in all areas, is on a book band for children two years older and they come home and say that there's only so and so who is top of the class like them.

Oh and the teachers have nothing but good things to say.

Surely your child has told you whether they're on the top table or not?! Every child knows whether they're on the top table, somewhere in the middle or sitting on the bottom table. It's not rocket science.

Don't all teachers say "Matilda is one of the most advanced/academic/top learners in Y2" to every parent?

This thread in a nutshell:

1. Op asks how do people know when their child is TOTC
2. Posters with such children explain the many ways they’ve discovered this
3. Posters without such children accuse them of lying/bragging/being delusional/spying on other children

Awful!

free reading long before anyone else in the class

See it's things like this - how do you know? Did you ask all the parents of children in the class if they were free reading? Do you know if they did it at home?

These people saying "my child told me" - fair enough if they're 14, but if they're 8 or below they're just not a credible source really are they.

Or am I missing out on something and schools publish super secret league tables of children which only the parents of children at the top get to see? wink

At parents evening you get told he's the top of the class. He's the only one to be taken to above class for some subjects. They asked if he wanted to go up a year but said no as socially happy with peers own age.

It's not a secret really. But it's one child so not everyone knows. Not being stuck up but it's not a case of lying. Never tell anyone he's top irl.

@GunpowderGelatine
Because when this happened with my DD, she had to go to change her books in the junior section of the school and the teacher showed us the way and asked that I go with her in the mornings for the first few times, as she was the only one doing this.

Is that so difficult to imagine? Or am I lying/bragging/delusional/spying on other children

But if your child is the most advanced reader in the class (which mine is)

But how do you know that?

I'm not saying they're not but how do you measure this?

Gunpowdergelatine if you have a child who is so top of the class they know

@tootstastic no but I think it's a massive assumption to think that other kids don't do this at home, or did it the week after you stopped going with your DD.

@Quartz2208 what is 'so top of their class'?

Every parent should be happy with and celebrate their child's successes but I find it a bit sad when people focus on the "my child IS better than everyone else" aspect. Why even bring other kids into your thinking?

But how do you know that?

I'm not saying they're not but how do you measure this?

Their teacher tells you.

They said "Your child is the most advanced reader out of all the other children"? Again, not saying it isn't true, just want clarity.

DD's reception teacher last year said something like "she's the child who's advanced the most in the class" and DH told his mum "Miss Bloggs said she's the most advanced child in the class" 🤦🏼‍♀️ I had to correct him, he wasn't lying he'd just misheard. The teacher didn't elaborate, as far as we know this could mean DD went from ridiculously stupid to only mildly stupid

If your child is gifted, you know and everybody who comes into contact knows too.

I remember the retiring teacher at dd primary telling me that in all her years of teaching and her colleagues (they'd discussed it) they'd never heard another child like mine.
Parents and members of the wider community of school would meet me in the street and tell me.
I lost count of the times people told me she should be on BGT or x factor. No idea why the latter as she was primary age
It was no surprise she went to music school.
An all rounder she isn't though and has to work so hard at academics.
The thing is even though we knew she was good, it was school that recognised this, even though they admitted they couldn't do anything much for her. Their support was 100% and her friends were lovely, never any bullying, they used to ask her to sing in class.

I’d say that the teacher tells the parent, or in Year 6 the ones getting put into the higher level SATS will be the ‘top’.

Earlier in primary it’ll based on being the first one to be a free reader/get a pen licence/get the highest marks in tests, plus they are usually split into ability groups & even if they are called ‘the blue table’ and ‘the red table’ the kids themselves are well aware of the sets.

Tootstastic you have summed up this thread very well. Posters like Taffeta and noobs have called people out on here for merely answering the OP’s question. They don’t seem to take into account that it’s hardly bragging when no-one on an anonymous forum actually knows who you are.

And, to answer the OP’s question (and hopefully really annoy the ranters, as I’m quite happy to do my own not at all stealthy boast):
I knew I was top of the class (60s child) because we had exams every term and a class list in every subject, with marks and position, was pinned on the wall. A separate list showed the overall class positions. Not a nice system, although I don’t remember any singling out of pupils at either end of the spectrum by their peers.
My parents didn’t brag about me either - one was unable to give praise so nothing I achieved was ever good enough, the other was somewhat bemused by my abilities.

And Taffeta and noobs will be relieved to know that although I have had a very fulfilling career, my scholastic achievements did not carry over into my adult life.

They said "Your child is the most advanced reader out of all the other children"? Again, not saying it isn't true, just want clarity.

They said “we’ve tested your child’s reading skills and he’s reading 7 years beyond his age group. He’s 5 years beyond the next highest child”

Now this is in the US where they test specifically for reading age and all sorts of other things, however when we lived in the U.K. we were told (with less specifics) “your child is far in advance of the rest of the class across the board, these are the things we are doing to keep him challenged”

It’s a little bit frustrating, not to say insulting, to repeatedly have posters imply that I’m lying/misinterpreting/embroidering the teacher’s statements.

We’ve never told anyone IRL about this stuff, we don’t put it on Facebook, chat about it at the school gate or even mention it to the Grandparents.

I’m not sure why it’s so hard to believe? It’s nothing to do with my parenting, it’s just a happy combination of genetics.

But how do you know that? I'm not saying they're not but how do you measure this?

A) I saw he was in the top reading group, as the bands each group are reading at are listed on the class wall. B) his teacher quizzed me at parent-teacher interviews about whether I’d worked with him on reading before school (no) and said he was very advanced for his age, well past the other kids in the class. C) the other mums of the kids in his reading group and I have discussed the books that our kids are reading and he is reading at a level considerably higher than the other 3 kids in his group. D) the other mums and their kids can see that his reading is more advanced than the other kids and have talked about it to me in a friendly way.

There is no big mystery.

What’s the big deal with being the most advanced ‘reader’ anyway. If they’re talking about decoding so what? It’s a skill like using a knife and fork. The only time reading really becomes important is in cases where children (or adults) can’t read. Because then they cannot access the curriculum/important documents if adult.

I have no idea where my middle so was in speed of learning to read in the class. No problems (important bit). Being left handed learning to write was more of an issue.

Paid more attention to ds3 because by year one he couldn’t read a word - i’d hold up ‘dog’ and he’d Say ‘er does it say chair?’. His reception teacher hadn’t believed me when I said he couldn’t read (he had s very good memory) but his year 1 teacher soon picked it up. I started using Marion Blank methods (the reading kingdom) quickly worked out he was trying to read from the middle of the word out, taught him to look from left to right and he was off. Whizzed through the levels and was a free reader within a term (so PP he definitely was the one who advanced the most - going from what must have been bottom ). He’s the one who has always loved curling up with a book and now sits and reads massive tomes in the second work war

But his reading age was largely irrelevant other than when he couldn’t read. Both Ds2 & Ds3 have had reading ages far in advance of their actual age (they gave us some figures towards the end of primary - they were both 15 plus or whatever - can’t remember how it was scored). They’re clearly both good at decoding but Ds2 never reads a book! Well rarely. He certainly doesn’t enjoy books in the way ds3 does. So if people get obsessed about reading ages or book bands I’m just a bit bemused. The important thing is whether there are any barriers to progression to being a fluent reader and if there are sorting them out.

Every parent should be happy with and celebrate their child's successes but I find it a bit sad when people focus on the "my child IS better than everyone else" aspect. Why even bring other kids into your thinking?

I think most people with clever kids don't really care what other kids are doing. Posters are just answering the question in the op, being told your child is 2 levels above the next cleverest child doesn't mean that you then ask who the next cleverest child is or a list of everyone else's grades, it's just a measure of how your child is doing compared to others of the same age.

Regardless of how they found out (if they found out) they are a twat of the highest order for mentioning it on social media or to other parents.
I am far into the parenting journey. My children have a range of ability. Praise effort, not attainment, is my mantra. And focus on your childs mental health and self esteem. Amongst my oldest 2 dds peers there are several very academic young people who have struggled to launch into self sufficient adulthood and are taking time to find their place in the world. Their parents are now struggling with this.

Or am I missing out on something and schools publish super secret league tables of children which only the parents of children at the top get to see?

They kind of do actually, there's a national gifted and talented register and you get told your child is on it. 😁

My ds is top of the class. He told me as did his friends and the teacher. I've never mentioned it to anybody ever. I'm not big on bragging about my ds.