“My child is top of their class”

[BluthsFrozenBananas]

I see this on threads quite often, I just saw it on another thread. Or my child is on a higher book band than any other classmate, or is top in maths, and I wonder, how the hell do people know that?

My DD is in y6, at no time since she’s been in primary have I known her “ranking” in the class, or that of any other child. Neither did I have any idea what book band others were on in the days of reading books.

I get if your child is super bright and doing extension work far beyond their years you might assume they were “top” of the class, but even then surely it’s not a given as teachers don’t routinely give out information about other children’s accidemic achievements.

Or am I missing out on something and schools publish super secret league tables of children which only the parents of children at the top get to see?

I only ever looked in one child's book bag to see what reading level they were on. Their parent was the smug braggy type and I suspected a lot of it was bull shit. Snooping in the book bag confirmed I was right! i got a lot of perverse satisfaction from that

I think finding out that your child isn’t behind is a bit different than making a thing about them being on whatever colour coded book they are.

If the teacher is telling you your child is top of the class, tell them to stop it! Dd was always top, so advanced etc etc and even worse than the fact that they effectively used dd as a classroom assistant, their attitude made dd terrified of ‘losing’ her position and not being clever anymore - and she still struggles years later with the fact that failure is an essential part of learning. I had to repeatedly ask them to praise her effort. Being ‘top’ or ‘clever’ makes children become cautious about tackling harder tasks because they’re afraid they’ll be ‘found out’. It really stymies their learning.

I think finding out that your child isn’t behind is a bit different than making a thing about them being on whatever colour coded book they are.
And if you find out that your summer born child isn't behind as they are in the top reading and maths groups, then it is 'making a thing about them' to say so?

"How is Jaiden doing at school?"
"Great! He's not behind."
God forbid you say he's in the top groups with little Tarquin, who's almost a year older than him and does Mandarin classes after school.

If a proud parent told me their child was doing well I'd just be happy for them.

This thread is full of angst.

Maybe there should be a happiness parents evening? Happiness tables... 🙂

To be honest I agree with phoolani.

Ds1 will never live independently and ds3 is an anxious so and so. I’ve always been more interested in children’s happiness & feelings of security at school than their reading book. And not just my own. Have friends of very bright children who have really really struggled in teen years. Sometimes (not always) due to the pressure they impose on themselves. I guess i’m saying I do see reading as a skill much like using cutlery. It’s important to master it to a level where you won’t be behind without a reasonable time frame but degrees of ability within it are less important.

I’d be up for that whatshappened

Have to say reading tables are long behind my kids & I couldn’t tell you who was top of her class now or then.

I can tell you who is happy though!

DD is my oldest so I assumed that she was average until her Year 1 teacher told me that she was on the school’s G&T register for literacy. I still cringe at the fact that my response was “Really? Why?”

By the time she was in Year 5 she told me that she and two other children were having special maths & literacy sessions every week. When I asked at parents evening her teacher told me that the three of them were pretty exceptional so she wanted to push them.

In Year 6 she was the final year to do the old style Sats and as I was a governor at the meeting after the results we were told that they had one child who had got all three level 6s. I obviously knew she had, so on that day she was top of the class.

She’s in Year 10 now. Her school teaches in mixed ability groups apart from one top set in each subject and she tells me that she is in the top set.

And I’ve never told any other parent that I know any of that. It felt quite good actually!

I'm surprised it's bandied about much, most of us with bright kids soon learn to shut up about it if we ever mention it at all. There's a lot of venom against parents daring to own up that there kids are clever🙄

& yes, teacher DO tell parents when kids are excelling in class & ahead of their peers, why wouldn't they when those DCs probably need stretching & encouragement at home too, especially when cleverness often goes hand in hand with anxiety

If the teacher is telling you your child is top of the class, tell them to stop it! Dd was always top, so advanced etc etc and even worse than the fact that they effectively used dd as a classroom assistant, their attitude made dd terrified of ‘losing’ her position and not being clever anymore - and she still struggles years later with the fact that failure is an essential part of learning. I had to repeatedly ask them to praise her effort. Being ‘top’ or ‘clever’ makes children become cautious about tackling harder tasks because they’re afraid they’ll be ‘found out’. It really stymies their learning.

Totally agree with this Poolani

Too much & it can make them scared to try for fear of failure & any negative teachings which we had with DD in maths - new maths teacher took exception to DD being the only G&T pupil & belittled her to the point of us pulling her out of the school. This only lasted a few months, but years later it still affects he confidence in maths badly

And if you find out that your summer born child isn't behind as they are in the top reading and maths groups, then it is 'making a thing about them' to say so?

Anyone who thinks summer born children will be behind their superior autumn borns isn't very bright tbh and I wouldn't be bothering to engage with them at all.

I knew DD was top of her class for reading when she moved from the top reading group to a group all on her own. It all fluctuates though and a few months later two other children had joined her and now she’s at a selective school and while she is in the top sets, she’s not the top.

I went to school in the States and from 14 onwards we all knew our class rank so we definitely knew who was top of the class. In our class, there was no fluctuation- the top person was the top the whole way through (and when it came to uni, he only applied to Harvard and MIT and got into both).