My DD is confused and a bit upset by gender fluid teacher

[CosmicCanary]

DD is 11 and in her second full week at high school.
We were going through her home work today and part of it is drama.
She needs to learn the meaning of various words such as reflection, preformance spontaneous etc.
DD loves drama and is very enthusiastic about it now being a weekly lesson. I asked if she was enjoying it and she said yes but she is confused.
She said she does not know what to call her teacher.
I said Ms, Mr or Mrs last name.
DD said its not like that. The teacher has said they can call her Ms Mr or Dr as they are gender fluid and their pronoun is they.

I said well call them by any of those then if they dont mind. DD said its hard as the teacher is a Ms/she/woman and although she is trying hard to remember the they pronoun she (DD) keeps getting it wrong.

DD is a very kind and does not want to upset her teacher as she likes her/him/they very much. DD is also scared as she does not want to get in to trouble as, and I quote "misgendering is a crime".

I have reassured DD that her teacher has said its fine to call her Ms Mr or Dr so she has nothing to be scared of and wont upset the teacher.

In private I am very angry. My DD has enough to deal with and worry about just starting high school and now she has to deal with a teachers chosen identity and the worry that if she slips up because despite the short hair and Mr reference her teacher is a woman.

This is not trans bashing before that gets thrown at me I am just upset my DD has to deal with this when it only benefits the teacher and causes distress to a child.

I would consider contacting class tutor for clarification.

misgendering is a crime

This was said to a class of 11 year olds? No room for accidentally doing it?

I’d speak to the school. It all sounds very much like a huge fuss for attention to me. I’ll probably get flamed, but the teacher could have just said “they rather than she/he please, and Dr to address me.”

Not scaring the living shit out of a bunch of new high school bairns about breaking the law!

Personally they can opt whatever title style they want at work but don't lecture the poor kids. Tell the kids how you wish to be known & leave it as 'well you can call me Mr or Ms but don't you dare use any pronoun other than they'.

And as for misgendering is a crime, i'd want to know if a member of staff said that to the students and then I'd be wanting to talk to someone more senior about it.

Tell your child to call them Ms Smith (seeing as the member of staff is happy with any title) and your DC calls them by that name.

** DON'T leave it as 'well you can call me Mr or Ms but don't you dare use any pronoun other than they'.
deleted the key word there

Ffs just tell your daughter to call the teacher Doctor (as both genders can be doctors) and be done with it.
Women have long hair, short hair, no hair so that’s irrelevant.
And tell her is ok if she slips up but to try remember if possible.

Then stop acting like it’s a big deal, and she won’t either.

Then stop acting like it’s a big deal, and she won’t either

From the sounds of it, it isn’t OP making it a big deal!

I assume it wasn't school that said misgendering is a crime? That's just the perception DD has picked up along the way because of what's currently going on around trans issues? (That's how I read your post anyway - in the same way that I had to work hard to convince DS that the police weren't out to get him if he did something naughty. He had the wrong end of the stick because of the way people talk about the police to small children).

Personally, I'd contact the school and ask for adult-to-adult clarification of what the children are supposed to call the teacher. It may well be that she's getting confused so you need to get the right answer, then help her to do it. From the sounds of things, the teacher isn't terribly fussed about it so I suspect the answer is to remind DD that she should be taking her cues from the teacher who, in this instance, is relaxed.

Are they a real Dr or do they identify as one?

Since my PhD appears to be going down the absolute shitter currently I might try this 🤔

I think pronouns are so second nature that anyone would get it wrong sometimes. It's stressful trying to remember. I have no patience for grown adults asking to be called 'they' anyway. It seems so narcissistic.

All your dd can do is her best. The teacher should be gracious if any student forgets, tbh, but whether they will be is another matter.

The teacher has said they can call her Ms Mr or Dr as they are gender fluid (whatever the hell that means) and their pronoun is they (attention seeking)

Fine - teacher says call me Ms or Mr (pick a side). As long as they don't expect tge students to mind read as to what they feel like at that moment, suggest your child picks one and sticks to it. Or ask if they can call them by their first name (unless that also changes according to feeling).

And if course, should teacher say 'good girl!' or 'this boy'...

Be clear that misgendering isn't a crime at all, and that an accidental use of the non-preferred title or pronoun should be treated as just an accident.

I would encourage her to use Dr Whatever, and not worry about pronouns at all. It isn't likely that she will need to use pronouns when in the presence of the teacher anyway.

Perhaps you could contact the school about the "misgendering is a crime" comment and ask them for more information about this. It would be interesting to see if they back the teacher up, or back peddle.

Sheesh how fucking tiresome 🙄

She doesn't need to call them he, she or they - she would use 'you' when talking directly, surely: 'Dr X, could you explain what you meant by finding the drama in everyday life, please?'

I doubt anyone other than Dr X will care if she says him, her or them in the third person. And if misgendering is a crime, I'm going to call the cops on half my remote-working colleagues for assuming I'm male.

I highly doubt the teacher said ‘misgendering is a crime’.
They’ve said they don’t mind what they are called. So help DD pick one and that’s it.
No need to be angry about it, it’s really not a big deal.

Agree about 'misgendering being a crime'.

Dear God I was a teen in the 1980s and got an anne lennox haircut. I was frequently addressed as 'son'!

Dr? Fine, be Ms, Mr or Mrs or whatever you want. But doctor? That’s hilarious. Maybe I’ll start going by Dr.

The misgendering is a crime bit sounds like the 11 year olds continuing the drama outside of the class room at lunchtime. So I’d defo ask her where she got that notion.

I don’t think it’s easy to say “Ms whatever” but “they” as the pronoun. It’s just a bit clunky. I agree that “dr” and “they” would be easier.

I really doubt your daughter heard the “misgendering is a crime” business from the teacher but if she did that is really a bit much.

Hmm. I prefer Professor myself.

Commander?
Commodore?
Honourable?
Aardvark?

This could be fun

Dr? Fine, be Ms, Mr or Mrs or whatever you want. But doctor? That’s hilarious. Maybe I’ll start going by Dr.

Why is it hilarious to call a doctor by their formal title?

Aardvark

She doesn't need to call them he, she or they - she would use 'you' when talking directly, surely: 'Dr X, could you explain what you meant by finding the drama in everyday life, please?
This

If they have a PhD (or other degree which confers the title of Dr) or a degree in medicine, nothing is hilarious about it.

If it’s a grandiose attempt to seem fancy, it’s not funny, its pathetic.