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Original poster

My DD is confused and a bit upset by gender fluid teacher

354 replies

CosmicCanary · 17/09/2018 18:12

DD is 11 and in her second full week at high school.
We were going through her home work today and part of it is drama.
She needs to learn the meaning of various words such as reflection, preformance spontaneous etc.
DD loves drama and is very enthusiastic about it now being a weekly lesson. I asked if she was enjoying it and she said yes but she is confused.
She said she does not know what to call her teacher.
I said Ms, Mr or Mrs last name.
DD said its not like that. The teacher has said they can call her Ms Mr or Dr as they are gender fluid and their pronoun is they.

I said well call them by any of those then if they dont mind. DD said its hard as the teacher is a Ms/she/woman and although she is trying hard to remember the they pronoun she (DD) keeps getting it wrong.

DD is a very kind and does not want to upset her teacher as she likes her/him/they very much. DD is also scared as she does not want to get in to trouble as, and I quote "misgendering is a crime".

I have reassured DD that her teacher has said its fine to call her Ms Mr or Dr so she has nothing to be scared of and wont upset the teacher.

In private I am very angry. My DD has enough to deal with and worry about just starting high school and now she has to deal with a teachers chosen identity and the worry that if she slips up because despite the short hair and Mr reference her teacher is a woman.

This is not trans bashing before that gets thrown at me I am just upset my DD has to deal with this when it only benefits the teacher and causes distress to a child.

OP posts:
Missnearlyvintage · 17/09/2018 19:25

As others have said - I don't see the issue with the teacher explaining their gender fluid status, but really I think it could have all been made more straight forward if they had chosen Mr. or Ms. or Dr. to be called just for school hours?

Hopefully the teacher will be as nice and relaxed about it as they've said though and in a couple of lessons time everyone will be able to remember the name with no issue.

HPFA · 17/09/2018 19:26

Not quite sure I get this?

Fine for the teacher to be addressed in any way they prefer. And as has been said unlikely that the third person pronoun would be used in the teacher's presence.

So the issue is how they should be referred to when the teacher is not present? I would hope if the teacher was approached by a child saying "Dr X, Cosmic Junior called you a she in the canteen", the teacher would tell that child just where to go.

abacucat · 17/09/2018 19:27

cough, they look and listen. Don't pretend sex is hard to identify.

gylly · 17/09/2018 19:27

So 'she' is misgendering but 'Ms' is ok? That makes zero sense.

SausageOnAFork · 17/09/2018 19:28

So this person is gender fluid rather than just trans. So instead of it being a case of ‘last term I was Mr Jones, now I’m Miss Jones’ it’s a case of ‘yesterday I was Miss Jones, today I’m Mr Jones and who knows about tomorrow’.

Lweji · 17/09/2018 19:28

they look and listen. Don't pretend sex is hard to identify.

It's not, in certain conditions. But in a fully dressed person it can be harder. Grin

abacucat · 17/09/2018 19:29

Incredibly rarely

MilkTrayLimeBarrel · 17/09/2018 19:29

Oh for the love of anything sacred, how on earth did things get to be this silly? Men are men, women are women, and that is that!

SnuggyBuggy · 17/09/2018 19:30

The whole gender fluid/non-binary is very special snowflake

AssassinatedBeauty · 17/09/2018 19:32

@gylly it doesn't have to make sense. Gender identity is all about how each individual identifies, which can be however they want. There are no rules or logic. It's about feelings.

gylly · 17/09/2018 19:33

But if you identify as Ms then surely you would then identify as a she as Ms is a female title. I don't understand.

Nothisispatrick · 17/09/2018 19:34

Surely it's because they want the kids to know they don't mind if they don't call them doctor? Am I missibg something here, isn't that the obvious explanation?

Every other teacher in the school will have one name, Mr x, Ms y, Dr z. IMO this is incredibly self indulgent and just not necessary. If, of course, they are a doctor. Which I am not convinced they are.

BoneyBackJefferson · 17/09/2018 19:36

As a teacher this bothers me as I have been "misgendered" three or four times today.

All of them by children answering the register.

If the teacher is really bothered about "misgendering" they are going to have a hard time and frankly putting children in detention for mistakes is just making every-bodies life more difficult.

abacucat · 17/09/2018 19:36

I would ask teacher in convo what her phd is in.

SheCameFromGreeceSheHadaThirst · 17/09/2018 19:40

The whole gender fluid/non-binary is very special snowflake

I agree, are the school aware that this teacher is wasting class time on this self-indulgent crap?

'Call me Ms, Mr or Dr, but don't use the gender-specific pronouns correlated to those gender-specific titles of address' Hmm

Maybe they could just get on with teaching the fucking lessons they're there to teach?

MaisyPops · 17/09/2018 19:41

As a teacher this bothers me as I have been "misgendered" three or four times today.
All of them by children answering the register.
Yes! I seem to get called 'sir'. It would seem the lipstick and 3 inch heels do nothing yo save me from literal violence. Grin

RavenWings · 17/09/2018 19:45

Really the teacher sounds quite chill about it - surely Dr is the easiest option, but they've said the kids can use Mr or Ms as well. Sounds like they are trying to reassure them in case the kids worry about getting it wrong. Total non-issue imo.

RavenWings · 17/09/2018 19:46

Although I'd agree that as a teacher you get called everything - Mum, Dad, Granny...Mr or Ms wouldn't worry me. Grin

MadameButterface · 17/09/2018 19:46

I inwardly eyeball at people who are 'theys' but it looks like they're not going anywhere, so I'm sure we will all get used to it, as will your dd

perhaps dr they gave them the option of ms and mr as well because children are used to their teachers being miss mrs or mr - we had a couple of drs at my school and they would get v shirty if anyone accidentally called them miss - quite understandably I guess, I hear phds aren't a piece of piss exactly.

my dd and some of her friends have been playing misgender bingo - they've all just started secondary and they are generally a gender non conforming lot and they keep getting called young man by the teachers. dd was called mate by a man in a chip shop the other week - it happens all the time. fortunately, she finds it hilarious that a girl with short hair is such a confusing concept for people. she's like 'but mum I have BOOBS, what are they blind'

RavenWings · 17/09/2018 19:47

Maybe they could just get on with teaching the fucking lessons they're there to teach?

And the pronoun thing would take what, a minute? Ooh no. How awful.

LadyMary50 · 17/09/2018 19:48

So if I wake up tomorrow feeling like a Dog,don't mind if I cock my leg and piss up your tree.Cos it's all about feelings omfg!!!!

DickTERFin · 17/09/2018 19:49

Ms is ok but woe betide anybody call her she?!

I think Princess might be a more appropriate title than Dr.

Why didn’t they just introduce themselves as Dr Drama and mention that they prefer to be referred to as “they” and leave it at that. It’s all a bit “I’m terribly unique and have very special feelings that everyone must center at all times”, adolescent type behaviour which is ridiculous from an adult old enough to have a PhD

AssassinatedBeauty · 17/09/2018 19:50

gylly the teacher identifies as Mr, Ms and Dr. So all three, not one or the other.

Goldenbug · 17/09/2018 19:50

So the teacher doesn't mind what they're called. Not much to worry about then.

MorningsEleven · 17/09/2018 19:51

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