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Original poster

My DD is confused and a bit upset by gender fluid teacher

354 replies

CosmicCanary · 17/09/2018 18:12

DD is 11 and in her second full week at high school.
We were going through her home work today and part of it is drama.
She needs to learn the meaning of various words such as reflection, preformance spontaneous etc.
DD loves drama and is very enthusiastic about it now being a weekly lesson. I asked if she was enjoying it and she said yes but she is confused.
She said she does not know what to call her teacher.
I said Ms, Mr or Mrs last name.
DD said its not like that. The teacher has said they can call her Ms Mr or Dr as they are gender fluid and their pronoun is they.

I said well call them by any of those then if they dont mind. DD said its hard as the teacher is a Ms/she/woman and although she is trying hard to remember the they pronoun she (DD) keeps getting it wrong.

DD is a very kind and does not want to upset her teacher as she likes her/him/they very much. DD is also scared as she does not want to get in to trouble as, and I quote "misgendering is a crime".

I have reassured DD that her teacher has said its fine to call her Ms Mr or Dr so she has nothing to be scared of and wont upset the teacher.

In private I am very angry. My DD has enough to deal with and worry about just starting high school and now she has to deal with a teachers chosen identity and the worry that if she slips up because despite the short hair and Mr reference her teacher is a woman.

This is not trans bashing before that gets thrown at me I am just upset my DD has to deal with this when it only benefits the teacher and causes distress to a child.

OP posts:
DickTERFin · 19/09/2018 17:48

HOY sounds very sensible.

I don’t envy them the meeting with Dr Drama, but that’s their problem.

I hope your DD feels a bit less unsure now.

CisMyArse · 19/09/2018 17:53

I get called Miss, Sir, Mum occasionally, I really couldn't give a shit as it's unintentional.

This is tiresome. I'd like to know who told your DD that misgendering is violence though.

CisMyArse · 19/09/2018 17:54

I mean crime, not violence.

Sheesh.

AsAProfessionalFekko · 19/09/2018 17:58

Easy mistake when we are being yelled at that IT IS LITERAL VIOLENCE

WeWantJustice · 19/09/2018 18:35

Nothing to suggest the teacher is emotionally fragile

Except that she talked to the children in a totally unprofessional, self-indulgent manner.

A professional with responsibility for kids, doesn't do that.

I have no idea if this post will be deleted, I'm not sure if I'm allowed to say that an adult in a position of authority, talking to young kids about their identity, seems to me to be not someone who is entirely emotionally robust.

DickTERFin · 19/09/2018 19:05

I have no idea if this post will be deleted, I'm not sure if I'm allowed to say that an adult in a position of authority, talking to young kids about their identity, seems to me to be not someone who is entirely emotionally robust.

I think that is entirely reasonable and expressed with great restraint because I'm inclined to say that a teacher of a bunch of 11yr olds, whom on their first day comes in and makes it the "all about me show and you're a criminal if you give me hurty feelings" is a monumental fuck-knuckle, but I'm a belligerent old cah, so there you have it.

YeTalkShiteHen · 19/09/2018 19:10

DickTERFin agree with every word.

DickTERFin · 19/09/2018 19:17

YeTalkShiteHen - do you want to join my Miserable Old Baggages club current member roll call: 1? We can sit around and throw cabbage at annoying dingbats for shits and giggles, if you like.

YeTalkShiteHen · 19/09/2018 19:17

I’m in! Grin

YeTalkShiteHen · 19/09/2018 19:18

Does that make us Baggages with Cabbages?

StrangeLookingParasite · 19/09/2018 19:26

I would also like to apply to be a Baggage with Cabbage, please.

YeTalkShiteHen · 19/09/2018 19:30

StrangeLookingParasite Grin

DickTERFin · 19/09/2018 20:15

Pass them along ladies, plenty more where they came from...

My DD is confused and a bit upset by gender fluid teacher
RiverTam · 19/09/2018 20:33

Can I join the Baggages please?

MaisyPops · 19/09/2018 20:44

I have no idea if this post will be deleted, I'm not sure if I'm allowed to say that an adult in a position of authority, talking to young kids about their identity, seems to me to be not someone who is entirely emotionally robust
It's a fair comment to make.
My logic (personal GC views aside) is if someone identifies as trans then a simple 'Hi I'm mr/Ms Blogs' and get on with it suffices. There's no need to have a big debate or indulgent chat about it. Simple introductions to students and move on.

Same if someone identifies as gender fluid. Introduce yourself to the children with 1 name and let them get on with it.

Anything more (to me) is an adult indulging their own narrative when they should be teaching children. (I feel the same when people think they need to discuss their sexuality etc with studnets. If you have an anecdote that's relevant involving your partner of either sex, fine. Do studnets need a reflective story time about your sexuality story? No.)

How hard is is for teachers to just teach?

YeTalkShiteHen · 19/09/2018 21:07

It’s catching on!

StrangeLookingParasite · 19/09/2018 21:08

Woo, lovely!

ALL the cabbages

My DD is confused and a bit upset by gender fluid teacher
MipMipMip · 19/09/2018 21:30

Another Cabbage Baggage here if you'll have me!

Interesting that the HOY said the misgendering comment had not come from a pupil.

RiverTam · 19/09/2018 21:41

That is extremely alarming, I agree. The school cannot allow children to be threatened in this way.

YeTalkShiteHen · 19/09/2018 21:57

If it came from a staff member they should be told in no uncertain words that that is unacceptable and a repeat would result in disciplinary action.

Clinicalwaste · 19/09/2018 22:23

It is so self centred, tiresome and narcissistic to have pronouns. Can people not grow up a bit especially teachers who influence children. Having special pronouns that everyone has to remember is just a way to make people feel uncomfortable and have power over them and most of the time it is just downright gaslighting.

BelfastBloke · 20/09/2018 10:08

My best friend is a teaching in her 50s. She has a FTM student in her drama class, who is making official misgendering complaints about my friend because she sporadically uses the word ‘she’ about the student (even though she always refers to the student only by the chosen male name).

BelfastBloke · 20/09/2018 10:09

ACcidentally and unconsciously of course. My friend uses ‘he’ most of the time.

StrangeLookingParasite · 20/09/2018 17:43

It all strikes me as so very self-obsessed. (Cabbage-flinging baggage, obvs)

AsAProfessionalFekko · 20/09/2018 17:52

God help the poor student if she was taught by some in my family for whom English is a second language, and there is no 'he' or 'she'.