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Original poster

My DD is confused and a bit upset by gender fluid teacher

354 replies

CosmicCanary · 17/09/2018 18:12

DD is 11 and in her second full week at high school.
We were going through her home work today and part of it is drama.
She needs to learn the meaning of various words such as reflection, preformance spontaneous etc.
DD loves drama and is very enthusiastic about it now being a weekly lesson. I asked if she was enjoying it and she said yes but she is confused.
She said she does not know what to call her teacher.
I said Ms, Mr or Mrs last name.
DD said its not like that. The teacher has said they can call her Ms Mr or Dr as they are gender fluid and their pronoun is they.

I said well call them by any of those then if they dont mind. DD said its hard as the teacher is a Ms/she/woman and although she is trying hard to remember the they pronoun she (DD) keeps getting it wrong.

DD is a very kind and does not want to upset her teacher as she likes her/him/they very much. DD is also scared as she does not want to get in to trouble as, and I quote "misgendering is a crime".

I have reassured DD that her teacher has said its fine to call her Ms Mr or Dr so she has nothing to be scared of and wont upset the teacher.

In private I am very angry. My DD has enough to deal with and worry about just starting high school and now she has to deal with a teachers chosen identity and the worry that if she slips up because despite the short hair and Mr reference her teacher is a woman.

This is not trans bashing before that gets thrown at me I am just upset my DD has to deal with this when it only benefits the teacher and causes distress to a child.

OP posts:
Original poster
CosmicCanary · 17/09/2018 18:35

Then stop acting like it’s a big deal, and she won’t either.

In front of DD I am not. I have told DD that she has nothing to worry about and the teacher is nice so wont mind.
DD was worried that she misgendered the teacher outside of class as in
"I had drama before lunch"
friend " is the teacher nice?"
DD " yes really nice"

I have no idea why she thinks misgendering is a crime as she has limited access to the internet and it is nit something we as a family have duscussed wither as she is only 11.
I will ask her later but I have just let her get on with her home work for now as I did not want to make a big deal out of it.

OP posts:
Original poster
CosmicCanary · 17/09/2018 18:36

Sorry that should be " yes SHE is really nice,"

OP posts:
YeTalkShiteHen · 17/09/2018 18:36

Poor lass, it strikes me as very unfair to put so much pressure on a child.

YeTalkShiteHen · 17/09/2018 18:36

Not you OP, sorry that read completely wrong!

DNAwrangler · 17/09/2018 18:36

Nothisispatrick, maybe their title is Dr?! Not that weird...

Bimgy85 · 17/09/2018 18:37

I would be informing the teacher until her gender is legally changed she will be referred to as her legal gender. A female.

AsAProfessionalFekko · 17/09/2018 18:39

I would be tempted to speak to the teacher and say look, please make it clear to the kids that it they won't get into trouble for using Ms instead of Mr, as some of he children are scared of getting into trouble. If the teacher is 'really nice' then they won't want the children stressing over this.

If they are the type to sromp off the the head of a child gets it wrong then they really shouldn't be teaching!

Squidgee · 17/09/2018 18:39

I dont understand why people are being so fucking ridiculous.

Dr is a perfectly acceptable title to offer the kids if they're entitled to use it, which i'm sure they are.

OP, I would tell your DD to go with 'Dr' and 'they' and leave it at that.

PurpleDaisies · 17/09/2018 18:40

I’m surprised they are happy to be referred to as either Ms or Mr given they claim not to identify as he or she. That doesn’t really add up for me.

YeTalkShiteHen · 17/09/2018 18:40

I would be tempted to speak to the teacher and say look, please make it clear to the kids that it they won't get into trouble for using Ms instead of Mr, as some of he children are scared of getting into trouble. If the teacher is 'really nice' then they won't want the children stressing over this

This.

Namechangeforthiscancershit · 17/09/2018 18:40

I would be tempted to speak to the teacher and say look, please make it clear to the kids that it they won't get into trouble for using Ms instead of Mr, as some of he children are scared of getting into trouble. If the teacher is 'really nice' then they won't want the children stressing over this

But didn’t the teacher say they could call them either of those?

aperolspritzplease · 17/09/2018 18:41

I think I might just identify as a Dr then. Jesus Christ.

I don't get it at all. Gender fluid would be Ms /Mrs/mr wouldn't it?

AsAProfessionalFekko · 17/09/2018 18:42

But if the children are stressing that they might 'get it wrong' then the teacher either didn't explain it properly or the children are confused about other situations where it might be wrong to assume.

And yes, why can't a drama teacher be a doctor?

agnurse · 17/09/2018 18:43

I would just encourage your DD to call the teacher "Dr" and not use pronouns.

Ex:

Friend: Do you like drama
DD: Yes I do.
Friend: Is the teacher nice?
DD: Yes, Dr. X is nice.

No need to worry about pronouns.

AsAProfessionalFekko · 17/09/2018 18:44

'Mr Doris' would amuse me.

Bombardier25966 · 17/09/2018 18:44

I think I might just identify as a Dr then. Jesus Christ.

That would be fine if you are in fact a doctor. Are you?

I don't get it at all. Gender fluid would be Ms /Mrs/mr wouldn't it?

Doctor would be perfectly acceptable if they are in fact a doctor.

What do you not get?

AssassinatedBeauty · 17/09/2018 18:44

The misgendering will be referring to the teacher as "she" instead of "they". Really hard for young children unused to this modern pronoun-salad to do.

I really think that this idea that "misgendering is a crime" needs to be completely cast aside. It isn't. If the teacher said this then that's a problem and needs addressing. If it's been inferred by other students then the myth needs dispelling.

Ellieboolou27 · 17/09/2018 18:45

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Miladymilord · 17/09/2018 18:45

A drama teacher wants to be called Dr? What a narcissist

user838383 · 17/09/2018 18:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ScrumpyCrack · 17/09/2018 18:45

‘Causes distress’ Grin

You both need to grow up.

Original poster
CosmicCanary · 17/09/2018 18:46

DD is very laid back and not dramatic at all so she is not upset for affect or to cause a fuss. She is upset because she likes the teacher so does not want to upset them plus she thinks she has committed a crime!

I am less bothered by what the teacher decides to call themself and more bothered that DD believes misgendering is a crime even when not done on purpose in front if the individual.

OP posts:
RiddleyW · 17/09/2018 18:46

This is such a non issue.

She can call the teacher Ms or Dr and she won’t need to use pronouns to the teacher.

WendyTheWestie · 17/09/2018 18:47

The misconception about "misgendering being a crime" is worrying but the rest of it is just something your daughter (and many on mn) will have to get used to. It doesn't sound like the teacher is going to punish anyone for getting their pronoun wrong occasionally and your daughter will soon get the hang of it.

YeTalkShiteHen · 17/09/2018 18:47

I am less bothered by what the teacher decides to call themself and more bothered that DD believes misgendering is a crime even when not done on purpose in front if the individual

Exactly!

Everyone dismissing it as a non issue, clearly it has been made an issue. Enough of an issue for a wee girl to come home from school scared.

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