Robbie and Ayda Anyone else uncomfortable with surrogacy in these circumstances?

[Charlottesspider0]

www.google.co.uk/amp/s/metro.co.uk/2018/09/07/robbie-williams-and-ayda-field-announce-theyve-welcomed-a-daughter-by-surrogate-7922256/amp/

I don’t fully agree with surrogacy for many reasons. Impact on newborn being removed from the ‘carrier’, impact on potential surrogates health. Also, the fact that unless the surrogate is altruistic, even in the uk where there are restrictions on financial payments for surrogacy, it almost will still always involve a financially Richer person compensating a poorer woman.

However in the case of couples who can’t conceive themselves or via ivf, and same sex couples, I can see what leads people to seek surrogates.

However this article makes reference to the use of a surrogate because their work schedules are too busy.
They also have two healthy children.
I find it difficult to accept that they are willing use Another woman’s body to take the risks of childbirth, paticularly in their given circumstances.

I think you want a baby, before your 40th birthday as the article makes reference to, then do it yourself, take the risks yourself and sort out your own work schedule to suit. It’s not like they don’t have the money in the bank to do that.

And if after two healthy children, a third pregnancy doesn’t happen for you, be happy with what you have.

Robbies famous comment likening watching his wife give birth to his first child, to his favourite pub burning down, to me just makes renting another woman’s body even more distasteful.

This is not a very nice thread I agree.

Surely going through IVF (which you would do if it’s a host surrogacy) is more time consuming than getting pregnant naturally?

Exactly aceinthehole.

You have no idea who the surrogate is, or the circumstances.

I carried my sisters third baby for her, she had to have a full hysterectomy 2 weeks after the birth of her second baby due to an aggressive form of cancer.

We did not say to her, "be grateful for what you have" we were so happy she was with us and able to help her achieve her life goals.

My womb was not rented.

I do not have psychological damage from the experience, I could burst when I see my nephew at what happiness he's bought to our family after such a bleak and dark time.

You have no idea what they have been through, such spite and venom on here. It's disgusting.

Charlottesspider0

What gives you that right then? You are determining who can and can't have children and by what means. So what gives you that right?

Why shouldn't they have more children though even with fertility issues? I had fertility problems, problems conceiving, and miscarriages when I did conceive. I still went on to have four children despite the struggles I went through. Should I have stopped at two and counted my blessings because some people might consider me selfish? Or should I complete my family at a number I am happy with? I can't carry any more children, not if I would like to carry on living anyway, so if we ever did decide to increase our family then surrogacy would be one of the few options open to us.

I'm uncomfortable with them having a 3rd child by surrogate. Why risk the health of another woman when you already have 2 healthy children? And especially when you've been through pregnancy and childbirth yourself, so you really know what you are asking of another woman? Seems a bit greedy to me.

I'm sure the surrogate will have been well aware of the risks and highly doubt anyone forced her to carry the pregnancy.

@Santaclarita Absolutely spot on

They've said the baby is biologically theirs, suggesting the baby was conceived using her egg and his sperm (rather than a donor egg and his sperm)

If they can make embryos via IVF then if there's any fertility issue it's to do with her ability to carry, not conceiving as such

I have had numerous failed IVF cycles & 2 miscarriages, and my uterus is now too damaged to sustain a pregnancy. Drs on both sides of the Atlantic have said we have exhausted all our treatment options and I will never be able to carry a child. None of our frozen embryos will ever be able to become a person inside me. The only possible way for us to have a biological child would be if a surrogate were to give us the incredible gift of carrying our child

I don't know whether or not this is an avenue we will pursue, given all the ethical, legal and emotional issues that would need weighing up. I don't know if I will ever truly come to terms with my body being defective, unable to ever carry and nurture our baby. I feel like a complete failure as a woman. Seeing pregnant women in the street is like a dagger to my heart.

For me at least, surrogacy is not something I can imagine ever pursuing as anything other than a last resort. This may or may not be the case here - we simply don't know their reasons

I can't imagine pursuing it for a second or third child, as to me it's an option of last resort to become a parent full stop. But my experience is just that - mine alone. It's none of my business what their situation is, and am as ever in awe of the incredible surrogates who give couples the most precious gift imaginable. I hope she is recovering well and that the press will respect her privacy.

I would've loved more children but a birth injury means it's not possible. I've accepted life as it is, but I'm not going to condemn anyone for exploring other options.

Aceinthehole - what a fantastic thing you have done for your sister.

There seems to be a lack of imagination and empathy among a lot of the posters here that has been replaced by small mindedness, envy and spite.

The practice of renting women's bodies is abhorrent and obscene, whether it's for a quick fuck or for gestating someone else's child. It commoditises us.

In surrogacy, there is little or no assessment on the impact on the birth mother or the child having been taken from its primary career.

Inter-country surrogacy has been banned in many developing countries because it is exploiting women. It can still exploit women in developed countries. The going rate in California is $80,000. Small change to Williams and Fields but a significant sum to a college student

I'm not a RW or AF fan, but I don't mind them either. But they seem like loving parents who don't parade their children in front of the camera. The surrogate agreed to go through with a pregnancy so why not. Don't see what the problem is to be honest.

Wow you should mind your business

Are you suggesting this is all gone slightly Handmaids Tale?

In surrogacy, there is little or no assessment on the impact on the birth mother or the child having been taken from its primary career.

Can you point to any evidence of this please?

My understanding based speaking to many many surrogate who've been through the process is different. And all the research to date shows no difference in emotional wellbeing between surrogate born children and non surrogate born children. Clearly there is limited data and it's of course possible that as more data is gathered as time passes that the evidence may show otherwise

Can you show me how you know this please? I'm really keen to understand

Why in all other circumstances is it considered in a child's best interest to remain with their mother unless their is risk of harm. There have been no longterm studies as you mentioned, so we have no evidence either way, that is not an arguement that it does no harm, we just don't know. I feel uneasy about that. I am uneasy that in terms of these arrangements it is never very rich famous people acting as surrogates for those less wealthy. That suggests a power imbalance which concerns me.

I agree with you OP there are ethical issues here. People carrying for a family member is totally different to using surrogates from poor countries.

A quick google suggests that it's pretty shit for the baby banana.

Google 'newborn separation from mother'

I'm not particularly a fan of Robbie but I admire them both for keeping this private until the baby was born plus keeping their other two children out of the media. No-one knows what has gone on apart from them and it's up to them to share it if they so desire, not because of any so called backlash. I'm quite sure they couldn't give a flying crap what Joe Bloggs thinks. I can't imagine the lady who was the surrogate was pressured into it. Some women are more than happy to do so, remember Kim Cotton?

@Aceinthehole, what a wonderful thing for you to do for your sister

I’m always uncomfortable with paying a woman to endure a pregnancy because you can’t, or don’t want to.

Two pregnancies did a lot of damage to me. Third degree tear, mental health problems, crippling SPD, diastasis recti, lumbar spine issues. No amount of money could convince me to be pregnant again. I can’t imagine how a woman copes with being pregnant and giving birth with only money as the reward. It feels icky.

As someone said on the Tom Daley thread, when rich women act as surrogates for poor women, we won’t have to worry about ethics and exploitation and we’ll know their motives are truly altruistic. But we’ll be waiting a long time for that.

I know someone who is very close to them and they are rarely there. God knows who will bring up the new baby cos it ain’t them

Gay men use surrogates to have a child. But we are not allowed to condemn that. Oh no.

Anyway, whatever, money talks and bullshit walks.