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Original poster

Absolutely raging - need to vent!!

535 replies

Cleanerrates · 02/09/2018 21:41

14 year DD went away bank holiday weekend to the seaside with her dad, his gf and her 10 month old baby brother, she's seemed a little upset and withdrawn since coming back and tonight she finally told me why.
Two reasons - firstly for 2 nights out of the 3 DD was made to babysit her brother so her dad and gf could go out for dinner and drinks, apparently they were only at a bar a couple of minutes walk away so told DD to call if baby woke up and left her with a KFC for dinner both nights - ok some might say at 14 DD is old enough to babysit but they were all supposed to be on a holiday together.
Second reason I'm so raging I've sank a bottle of red in 20 minutes trying to keep calm. They all shared a room, DD was on a sofa bed, she heard/saw her dad and his gf having sex TWICE!!! First time she said she was facing the wall drifting off to sleep and heard them having sex, second time she was facing out into the room half woke up with a cramp in her leg wanted to turn over but saw they were having sex and shut her eyes and didn't dare move as she didn't want them to know she saw anything.... I'm fuming!!! DD said they came back from both nights out extremely drunk so don't know if they were both so pissed they weren't with it but what the actual fuck!!

DD has made me promise not to say anything to her dad as she doesn't want them to know that she saw/heard anything cos she's so embarrassed, upset and she spends every second weekend with them so doesn't want any awkwardness, obviously i wanna rip his head off but want to respect my DDs wishes. DH thinks I need to say something regardless of DD asking not to as he thinks it's too serious to just leave.

OP posts:
piggywiggywoowoo · 04/09/2018 20:16

This happened to me when I was 10 years old.

My family went on holiday and I woke in the middle of the night (in a hotel room) where my mum and dad were having sex. They were also saying explicit things.

I never spoke of it until I met my partner but it definitely affected me for a long time.

I refused to go on holiday with my mum and dad ever again after that holiday. I used to stay at home with my older siblings.

I can still remember it exactly to this day 14 years later.
I never had a very good relationship with my mum in my teen years and even now I refuse to go to her house more than once a week for about an hour tops.

Your daughter is very very lucky to have a mum like you! You sound lovely OP!

Bluntness100 · 04/09/2018 21:41

Nottaken, yes I guess you're right and it's very sad really. To not protect children as a natural instinct is disturbing.

senmumoftom · 04/09/2018 21:52

Piggywiggywoowoo

ARE you seriously saying you have a poor relationship with your own mother and father because they had sex ?

Kittykat93 · 04/09/2018 21:55

@senmumoftom

And are YOU seriously saying it's okay for parents to have sex and use explicit language in front of their ten year old daughter? Hmm

ohfourfoxache · 04/09/2018 21:55

Not that it matters a jot, but how did he react to cancelling tonight? Was there any remorse or concern about dd, or was he still full of anger?

MyLearnedFriend · 04/09/2018 21:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

billybagpuss · 04/09/2018 22:09

Very sound advise in your last update. Hope DD is ok and school is all ok for her.

senmumoftom · 04/09/2018 22:20

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Ontheboardwalk · 04/09/2018 22:32

I think there’s a huge difference from hearing your parents having sex or walking in in them 'wrestling ' to your parent/s choosing to have sex when you are in the same room as their children.

Havaina · 04/09/2018 22:36

He's angry because he's lying. If he were telling the truth, he would be apologetic and calmer.

KurriKurri · 04/09/2018 22:50

Whether they actually had sex is somewhat irrelevant - her dad has admitted that he and his gf engaged in sexual behaviour with his teenaged DD in the room.
Who the hell thinks it is Ok to kiss and cuddle and snog etc in bed with a child in the room ? - There is no questioning your DD's truthfulness, he's admitted that he did something. (And in my experience if someone admits to something that they think is a lesser 'crime' they've probably done more)

He should have been able to tell you honestly that he andhis gf didn't do anything at all - it's bloody disgusting behaviour - how on earth did he think even cuddling and snogging (if that's the extent of it) would make her feel ?

Wdigin2this · 04/09/2018 22:54

FFS, couldn’t they restrain themselves, no matter how drunk they were?! And as for using your DD as a babysitter, how dare they.....you’re going to have to do something about it!

tinstar · 04/09/2018 22:55

He's angry because he's lying. If he were telling the truth, he would be apologetic and calmer.

I do wish people wouldn't make these pronouncements when they know next to nothing about the people involved and what actually happened.

Clearly something has happened to distress the OP's dd and it needs further investigation. But to pronounce that someone you don't know is lying about an event you didn't witness "because he's angry" is just ridiculous. Lots of people get angry if they're wrongly - or rightly - accused of something. It doesn't prove or disprove anything.

piggywiggywoowoo · 04/09/2018 23:26

@senmumoftom of course it's not the only reason. Are you serious? Is there any need to be such a cow? I was just commenting my point i witnessed something similar as a child.

OP best of luck with your situation and best wishes to your daughter. Thanks

Ginkypig · 04/09/2018 23:35

At 14 she knows when something makes her uncomfortable.

It doesn't actually matter if there was penetrative sex or not. There was enough contact that looked sexual enough that your dd could mistake it for sex for me that would be enough for me to believe they took things too far even if there defence/version is they didn't actually have sex.

You don't need to know any more than that or I wouldn't anyway

Everything you've said about your dd coming first and that all of you need to come at this from the perspective of her needs above all else is absolutely right.

billybagpuss · 05/09/2018 08:08

There was clearly enough for her to be uncomfortable, she didn't tell you the whole story until a week later and it was obvious to both you and her dad while she was still on holiday with him that something wasn't right.

It makes no difference whatsoever if they had penetrative sex or not, they acted in a way that was inappropriate in front of anyone let alone a 14 year old child.

sashh · 05/09/2018 08:13

OP

I know this is in chat and you may want this thread to disappear but this should be pinned somewhere. Not in classics but there is so much useful information on here it shouldn't get lost.

EthelThePiratesDaughter · 05/09/2018 08:14

The babysitting is cheeky. Being made to share a room is unreasonable. The sex is totally appalling.

She should refuse to go on holiday with them again.

Notasunnybunny · 05/09/2018 08:17

Great, so glad you called someone, I knew they would have a clear idea of what was best to do from the child’s perspective. Thanks for sharing their advice.

cushioncovers · 05/09/2018 08:18

I feel pissed off on your behalf op. What a shitty holiday your dd had. A glorified babysitter SadAngryand the sex thing is just grim. Poor girl.

Notasunnybunny · 05/09/2018 08:25

I also hope you can now understand why I was so pushy about you calling them, it wasn’t about reporting your ex, or getting back at them or making a drama but instead about good solid advice about child psychology.

Branleuse · 05/09/2018 13:10

groping and snogging and moving about under the covers is still sex to all extents and purposes, especially if there is somebody in the same room witnessing it.
Whether your ex actually penetrated his partner is not the question. If penetration was the only thing that counted as sex, then would lesbian sex not count as sex?

Not that I believe that it was only groping and snigging

NoMudNoLotus · 05/09/2018 13:40

@Cleanerrates i think you sound like a really safe supportive mum 💐.

Your DD is so lucky to have you.

CocoRed · 05/09/2018 15:01

Hope your dd is ok

Moononthehill28 · 05/09/2018 21:37

Just wanted to say how amazing you are OP. What a great mother you are being. Your daughter will be Ok with your support, as others have said.
What a horrible situation.

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