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Original poster

Absolutely raging - need to vent!!

535 replies

Cleanerrates · 02/09/2018 21:41

14 year DD went away bank holiday weekend to the seaside with her dad, his gf and her 10 month old baby brother, she's seemed a little upset and withdrawn since coming back and tonight she finally told me why.
Two reasons - firstly for 2 nights out of the 3 DD was made to babysit her brother so her dad and gf could go out for dinner and drinks, apparently they were only at a bar a couple of minutes walk away so told DD to call if baby woke up and left her with a KFC for dinner both nights - ok some might say at 14 DD is old enough to babysit but they were all supposed to be on a holiday together.
Second reason I'm so raging I've sank a bottle of red in 20 minutes trying to keep calm. They all shared a room, DD was on a sofa bed, she heard/saw her dad and his gf having sex TWICE!!! First time she said she was facing the wall drifting off to sleep and heard them having sex, second time she was facing out into the room half woke up with a cramp in her leg wanted to turn over but saw they were having sex and shut her eyes and didn't dare move as she didn't want them to know she saw anything.... I'm fuming!!! DD said they came back from both nights out extremely drunk so don't know if they were both so pissed they weren't with it but what the actual fuck!!

DD has made me promise not to say anything to her dad as she doesn't want them to know that she saw/heard anything cos she's so embarrassed, upset and she spends every second weekend with them so doesn't want any awkwardness, obviously i wanna rip his head off but want to respect my DDs wishes. DH thinks I need to say something regardless of DD asking not to as he thinks it's too serious to just leave.

OP posts:
Cagliostro · 05/09/2018 23:00

Please don’t feel like shit about planning the meeting cleaner I would’ve thought the same thing. It is useful to have the advice not to do it, I wouldn’t have thought of it in that way either. Don’t beat yourself up over it just because you thought differently to the advice, you are in a rare and traumatic situation and have been chucked in the deep end.

What did he say when you cancelled it? I hope they still won’t contact her about this.

TheBeatGoesOnandOn · 06/09/2018 00:39

I hope you're DD is doing ok OP.

Glad you got some professional advice.

I feel very stupid not realising thinking your child was asleep and having sex in the same room was a safeguarding issue.

This happened once with my parents at 10 and another with my sister and her bf around 11. Now it's been mentioned I remember how shaky and frightened I was thinking Dad was hurting Mum. They were quiet I was just a light sleeper with good hearing.

Similar thing with sis and her boyfriend. It's quite sobering - none of them are inappropriate in any which way.

Anyway I hope you continue to support your DD. Whatever the cause, it's upset her enough to not want to see him and that's all you need to know.

Tell him to give DD some space including the girlfriend so she can decide what she wants to do (just say visits?). But in the meantime some headspace from him will be good as he may try and convince her she imagined/dreamed it/whatever.

hibeat · 06/09/2018 03:00

I feel sick, she cannot go back there.

AdoreTheBeach · 06/09/2018 07:40

Sorry @andthebeatgoesonandon - can you please clarify what you mean “similar thing with sis and her boyfriend. It’s quite sobering - NONE OF THEM ARE INAPPROPRIATE IN ANY WHICH WAY”

Really confused about the last part as it’s highly inappropriate. In your instance, you’re writing that your parents had sex in sane room with you as well as then your sister and her boyfriend did too (when you were 11).

CocoRed · 06/09/2018 07:56

I would think that’s just a typo and the poster meant ‘appropriate’ which would fit with everything else they said

squirrelnutkins1 · 06/09/2018 09:01

Any update op? Really hope you guys are ok x

TheBeatGoesOnandOn · 06/09/2018 09:24

L@AdoreTheBeach Sorry That didn't make sense did it.

I meant a similar thing happened a year later with my sister and her boyfriend again under the covers but heard.

I meant none are usually inappropriate people. We had clear boundaries as kids and as adults too.

I'm just saying that these kind of things can happen and are inappropriate but are also in isolation in that it hasn't happened before or since.

I do agree it's vile though and what the Dad was thinking is beyond me!

But don't want to derail from OP.

Original poster
Cleanerrates · 06/09/2018 20:50

Hi! Sorry for late update, things escalated here massively. The GF came round banging our door down screaming, then called the police from outside our door and said I was slating her online and accusing her of having sex on a public forum... so she obviously read here and will be reading this comment. I’ve been cleared of any wrongdoing so no action will be taken against me. I wasn’t gonna update due to this but you all helped me so much I didn’t just want to disappear.
DD isn’t great, outside agencies are now involved, she does want to work towards a relationship with her father again and to see her little brother but wants no further contact with the GF.

OP posts:
DartmoorDoughnut · 06/09/2018 20:51

Oh no! GF as you’re reading this DO fuck off there’s a love you massive twatbadger

BifsWif · 06/09/2018 20:52

I’m glad she read this, and can see how many people think that her behaviour was disgusting.

Interesting how she’s only concerned about herself, and not your DD.

LaContessaDiPlump · 06/09/2018 20:53

Oh Lord Confused that's heavy op. I hope you are all ok, considering the circumstances.

There is always the Other place to discuss, you know....

Original poster
Cleanerrates · 06/09/2018 20:54

She will be reading but police have said I’ve done nothing wrong, did advise me not to comment here anymore just to keep the peace a bit but like I said I felt I owed everyone an update due to you all being amazing with your advice.

OP posts:
bastardkitty · 06/09/2018 21:02

Way to make an even bigger twat of herself. Hope you and your DD are okay.

TomHardysNextWife · 06/09/2018 21:09

Wow the fucking cheek of some people.

How dare she put this on you.

I hope your DD is OK Flowers.

AdoreTheBeach · 06/09/2018 21:10

OP - you have been sufficiently vague about anything that could identify anyone of yourself, DD, EXH, GF etc. Only those directly involved would know who was who.

So GF was outing herself. Also totally missing the point about your DD being traumatised. Showing up, yelling/shouting, calling police escalates (and no one knew who she was!). Now more authorities need to be involved because of HER escalating things,

What a mess GF is making and perpetuating.

bangourvillagebesttimeever · 06/09/2018 21:17

Oh dear the GF hasn’t helped improve the situation has she. Where was the ex as his GF turned up calling the police outside your door. Stay strong OP for your DD she is your priority. Sadly her father may withdraw now given his GF has gone mad but that’s his choice not your DD.

Dollymixture22 · 06/09/2018 21:19

Thank you for updating us. This has been really difficult for you and dd. It is a shame your ex and his girlfriend weren’t willing to handle things calmly. I really hope this doesn’t impact on your daughter too much.

If he is willing to work with the agencies I am sure here is a way through this. He acted foolishly, and didn’t show enough consideration or restraint. But all he has to do is say he is sorry, it doesn’t matter if he had sex. He made his daughter really uncomfortable and made her feel like she didn’t matter. He needs to say sorry. The girlfriend can either also apologise or simply stay out of it. No shouting!!

You are a great mum.

Original poster
Cleanerrates · 06/09/2018 21:23

Haven’t seen or heard from the ex, neither has DD, he’s been spoken to by police and SS and has denied the sex happened, admitted to the babysitting but said it was with DDs agreement and she wasn’t forced to look after the baby.

OP posts:
ohdeardeardear · 06/09/2018 21:25

What a horrible woman. She should be thoroughly ashamed of herself.

All the best to you all, OP. Your DD is so lucky having you x

bangourvillagebesttimeever · 06/09/2018 21:26

Oh dear. So now he is suggesting your DD is making it up. It’s a really tough one. No one knows what happened in that room but what we do know is you have a very distressed 14yr old. This really has escalated and the GF hasn’t helped at all

Haireverywhere · 06/09/2018 21:28

You have done a brilliant job of safeguarding your DD OP and the girlfriend has shown just how little she cares about or understands the perspective of your DD in her response.

You have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of.

You don't owe us any updates. Best of luck going forward

Original poster
Cleanerrates · 06/09/2018 21:28

Escalated massively, wasn’t expecting it at all. Apparently she was accused of being a sex offender, pervert, child abuser and thought I deserved to be arrested and for her to press charges against me.

Feels a bit weird writing all this when I know she will be reading... hey ho!

OP posts:
RandomMess · 06/09/2018 21:29

SadSadSadSad

I quite believe intercourse may well not have happened but that your DD believed it did and regardless is traumatised.

Do sorry GF has kicked off and made it all worse Sad

Original poster
Cleanerrates · 06/09/2018 21:30

Am I allowed to still write here? Seeing as this is an annoymous forum am I breaking the rules continuing to update when I’ve admitted to being outed?

OP posts:
bangourvillagebesttimeever · 06/09/2018 21:32

So you come onto a public forum using the name cleanerrates and she is after you for publicly shaming her. Hmm I don’t know who she is apart from a muppet who clearly is too stupid to understand she mad made this issue worse. Most adults with a little emotional intelligence may get upset if what was said by your DD wasn’t 100% accurate but would work a way to resolve this to help your DD . Clearly his GF doesn’t have any

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