Get all your shit in one sock

[thenewaveragebear1983]

Just read this expression on another thread- Genius! As in, teenage dd has failed to get all her shit in one sock - (disorganised)

Other current favourites-

Put your pom-poms down (used when people get a bit ranty and over passionate about stuff, stolen from Gwen stefani)

And ‘she looks like the cat’s just crapped in her handbag’ - when people get that sour faced, pissed off look. Also from mumsnet.

So go on, what are your classic expressions? I need a few more for my repertoire!

Like using a croissant as a dildo - useless and messy

Eyes like piss holes in the snow -= hungover

Like a tramp on chips = keen

Like a shit show at the fuck factory = utter shambles (source: Succession)

I am stealing shit in sock

Ten tons of shit in a 2 ton bag = someone wearing something far too small for them

You don't have a dog and bark yourself

Get your shit in one sock is still the best one!

I once saw a nasty, self important person described as ‘a size 10 ego in a size 4 soul’!

Think Scouse accents for these family classics...

Eyes like a robber's dog - good vision

It's like Crystal Palace/The Golden Mile in 'ere - too many lights on in the house

Gerrout me eyebrow - said to an annoying child

Like stuffing a marshmallow in a padlock - when a gentleman has had to much alcohol to perform

I wouldn't do that for a big clock - no chance I would partake in that activity

You don't know your arse from your elbow - self explanatory

He'd make a glass eye cry - an ugly man

Who knitted your face and dropped a stitch - said to someone with a 'cob on'

One for this weekend in the South: there's a train strike so you'll have to soap your arse and slide home. (Generally coupled with facetious remarks about wanting to save one's favourite jeans).

On a similar theme when I was quite young and complaining about having to stand on a crowded train, my DM once came up with 'Well you'll have to stick your finger up your arse and sit on your elbow!' I did have the grace to laugh.

@GreenTulips no I’m not but I’m not too far away, in Shropshire.

I favour 'midge's dick'

Used in a sentence: "well, i've made a midge's dick worth of soup"

Meaning: tiny amount

A friend of mine takes the bulldog one a step further: like a bulldog chewing a piss-flavoured wasp.

On the other hand there's the great Peter Kay line: a face like I've walked in her house Christmas Day and pissed on her kids.

"I could eat a scabby dog between two bread vans."

Is how my Dad used to say he was hungry.

I say I could eat a scabby horse and lick its hooves.
Sweating like a fat man in a pie shop/ fat girl in a cake shop ( my physio told me those, applicable to whichever gender you're speaking to)

Double his brain cells, he'd still be a half wit.

@TheSecondMrsAshwell or the Kevin Bridges one: a face like I'd come into her house and shat in the kettle.

I could eat a nun's arse through a hedge

American military: "Fuck you, the horse you rode in on and the colonel who sent you".

UnapologeticallyUnhinged as a fellow Scouser, I am familiar with all of those phrases! I'd like to add:

Would bore a glass eye to sleep
One eye in Tocky, one in Crocky (for anyone biss-eyed)
Up and down like a bridegroom's arse
You're like a spare prick at a whore's (but pronounced hooers) wedding.

It went down like a turd in a punchbowl.

@Flameless brilliant!

You just reminded me of 'he's got bus stop eyes...one here, one round the corner'

He wouldn't give you the steam off his piss - a miserly sort

See also...tight as a gnat's chuff.

One of my dads - she looks like her face has been on fire and out out with a shovel!

@cricketmum84 my dad used to say he same but it was "put out with a golf shoe"

@Iamblossom we use "like a tramp on a kipper" 😂

Ooh, I forgot these...

Sweating like a fat man in a mini

You don't need to buy a whole pig just to get a bit of sausage (ie you don't have to get married just to get a bunk up)

These are brilliant!

You look like a hen left out in the rain

On a similar theme DM always said 'he/she looked like a dying duck in a thunderstorm'. Always cracked me up