Get all your shit in one sock

[thenewaveragebear1983]

Just read this expression on another thread- Genius! As in, teenage dd has failed to get all her shit in one sock - (disorganised)

Other current favourites-

Put your pom-poms down (used when people get a bit ranty and over passionate about stuff, stolen from Gwen stefani)

And ‘she looks like the cat’s just crapped in her handbag’ - when people get that sour faced, pissed off look. Also from mumsnet.

So go on, what are your classic expressions? I need a few more for my repertoire!

Ugly as a robber's dog.

Shit the bed!!!! Is one of my favourites. Used when particularly shocked or in awe of something😂

That’s interesting that it’s a military thing. I agree with Mrsterrypratchet, the English use of idiom is incredible. I used to teach English as a foreign language and it used to baffle our students sometimes.

Let’s not forget the immortal line from Dodgeball- ‘you’re as much use as a cock flavoured lollipop’

Sonic we like ‘shut the front door’ as well, (almost sounds like you’re going to say STFU)

Can’t find his arse with both hands - a well used favourite

And a factory term that I love is “12 gauge”. It refers to a specific thickness and density of metal and means the individual is thick and difficult to work with. I mutter it a lot in my naice offfice as no one knows what it means.

My late FIL’s favourite was, ‘you’ll find sympathy between shit and syphilis in the dictionary’ (he was lovely, really, just practical with no patience for malingering.)

If he was chocolate he'd eat himself.

Hanging about like a spare prick at a wedding.

I've used 'cat's bum face' to someone who had no idea what I was on about. I thought it was a universally accepted description! It resulted in lots of faces!

Room for a little Malcolm Tucker too?

From bean to cup .........

Like a sweaty octopus trying to unhook a bra.

And marvellous sweary ones too numerous and too rude to retype........

Fuckety Bye!

My gran used to call a little wash ‘a lick and a promise’ - love how this thread is making me remember all these things!

Standing there like one o'clock half struck for someone looking completely dozy.

Chase me Charlie, I'm a chocolate! -said in a flirtatious manner to a bloke ( this might just be my family, however.)

From my mother when I commented about an attractive man I knew who was dating a very plain woman - “well you don’t look at the mantel when you’re poking the fire”.

I don't know anyone who uses both of those all the time, FrangipaniBlue. Your MN secrets are safe

Today's offering:

Fuck you very much when someone is being particularly unhelpful.

This one mainly gets said in my head

Alexa - I'd forgotten the one about the mantle and fire. Brilliant

"Better than a slap in the face with a wet fish!"

Gnat's piss - DF's term for a particularly weak cup of tea.

Tight as a gnat's chuff - Dbro's term for a miserly person.

We seem to have a family parasitical theme going on

More neck than a herd of giraffe

Cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey

Up shit creek without a paddle

Up poo hill without a flyswat

When someone’s being nosey and asking lots of questions- they wanted to know the ins and outs of a gnats arsehole

When me and my brother were bugging my mum for something she was eating or drinking “if I had a shit, you’d want a piece of it”

“Not so much hit with the ugly stick as hit every branch as they fell out the tree”

Like piffy on a rock(cake) - says an early form, known from the 1930s, is “sitting here like Piffy” or “sitting like Piffy on a rock bun”. It seems to be a humorous echo of “sitting like Patience on a monument”.It refers to a person who is being left out, ignored, or kept hanging about pointlessly.

Brass monkey weather/could freeze the balls off a brass monkey - Naval saying. The story goes that cannonballs used to be stored aboard ship in piles, on a brass frame or tray called a 'monkey'. In very cold weather the brass would contract, spilling the cannonballs: hence very cold weather is 'cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey'.

Did you show the teabag to the water or just give it a wave For weak, unbrewed tea

You've got about as much point as a circle

Like putting lipstick on a pig (a bit like the polishing/glittering turd one)
Teeth like a witch doctor's necklace
Fanny like a carpenter's tool bag (that was my grandfather)

Fanny like a wizard’s sleeve or the be rsion I’ve read from the US -like throwing a hotdog down a hallway.