Get all your shit in one sock

[thenewaveragebear1983]

Just read this expression on another thread- Genius! As in, teenage dd has failed to get all her shit in one sock - (disorganised)

Other current favourites-

Put your pom-poms down (used when people get a bit ranty and over passionate about stuff, stolen from Gwen stefani)

And ‘she looks like the cat’s just crapped in her handbag’ - when people get that sour faced, pissed off look. Also from mumsnet.

So go on, what are your classic expressions? I need a few more for my repertoire!

*version. Bloody autocarrot

@MrsJMartintheFirst

As slow as thick shit (not originally an English one, but works well nonetheless!)

You look like a hen left out in the rain. (You're looking glum)

He's got so many chips on his shoulder, Sarson's brewery couldn't come up with the vinegar - courtesy of a uni friend.

My mum used not as green as I'm cabbage looking a lot, had completely forgotten about it until this thread!

DH and I have many sayings we have made up/adopted over the years - they wouldn't mean anything to any one else!

I feel like a bag of disease, flung over a graveyard wall. 🤢

Sweating like a glass blower's arse.
Rare as hens' teeth

'You got a ladder?' - if somebody gives you a cup of tea that isn't very full.

'Tight as a mouse's earhole'

'I'll go to the foot of our stairs'

A favourite of mine from a friend's mum
"Get down off the cross, we need the wood" - for when someone is playing the martyr.

As noisy as a skeleton having a wank in a biscuit tin.

"Not as long as my arse points south" - meaning not while I'm still upright (alive!)

"Little elephants have big ears", often shortened to just "little elephants", meaning
not in front of the children, as they're now old enough to listen (and repeat) conversations.

My friends dad when something surprised him - “well, I’ll shit in me ‘at and punch it”.

A PP referred to Malcolm Tucker. Aside from the “fuck off to the far side of fuck” quote, my favourite is “he’s so dense that light bends round him”

‘shaking like a shitting dog’

‘Thick as pig shit’

And my nan used to say “they’d not be mistaken for royalty” about ‘common’ looking people.

@NCPuffin 😃 love it!

ColinsVeryJolly

You a brummie?

42 i say ‘little piggies have big ears’ when my kids are earwigging to conversations. I first heard it from a chap inside a prison I was working in, who used it to refer to officers who were listening in to their private chats about drugs and mobile phones

My lovely grandad used to say:

If his brains were dynamite, he wouldn't have enough to blow his hat off.

He said it often! That, and 'Go & play football on the motorway' when all us grandkids were annoying him!

'I'll take a taxi to the curb', said when someone parks badly/ not close enough to the curb.

*kerb

My Mum had a saying which she always said when someone had been nasty to me when I was a child:

"What can you expect from a pig but a grunt."

Its a lazy wind (wont go round you so goes straight through you)

A US one. Looks like they have been riden hard and put up wet (horse reference) someone is looking very rough or out of sorts

Got a face/head like a half sucked mango.

Meaning someone is ugly. Terrible!

My late grandad really shocked me once when I'd told him I fancied a particular girl and that she was stunningly gorgeous.

"You mean you'd crawl across broken glass to smell her fart?"

Classy. But, I did laugh.

'About as much use as a fart in a bucket/a chocolate teapot/a chocolate fireguard' - something that is particularly useless.

When you are hanging around pointlessly - 'Standing around like Piffy on a rock bun!'.