My boyfriend has started hitting me when angry

[adoggymama]

Hi everyone, I was debating on making this post as it's not so severe that I would call it abuse but I'm scared it could get worse if you see what I mean?

Recently my boyfriend, when angry or when I've annoyed him (eg 5 mins ago I gave the dog a biscuit and he got annoyed because the dog should only be given biscuits when being good and he grabbed an empty pillow case (with sharp zipper on it) and slapped me round the leg with it) he is stronger than me and it obviously hurt- now with a red leg mark and raised bump with blood from the zipper catching it.

I love him and there has always been an element of 'pain' in our sexual relationship, which I like to some degree. (Eg spanking/choking/hair pull) but this past weekend he's hit me 3 times. Twice with his hand on my bare legs that left marks.

He's never done this before but is under pressure at the moment with work so I guess he's more testy. I was just joking around those times and he got angry and then lashed out.

Anyway I just wanted to get some other peoples opinions as I can't talk to anyone in my personal life if you know what I mean.

Thanks

I've told him on all those occasions btw not to hit me again and that he hurt me.

Why are with someone who hurts You? His behaviour is unacceptable.

My advice is to leave.

@Dementedswan it's only recent though and he's 100% lovely and funny the rest of the time..

tbh even if you are into slightly kinky sex, the 'choking/hairpull' thing sounds worrying. would he like that done to him? Frankly it sounds dangerous.

If I were you I would leave him and find someone else with better boundaries.

It doesnt matter how severe it is, its abuse and he'll probably get worse. Being stressed at work is no excuse. I think you need to break it off OP

I’ve never ever said this before but - You need to leave. It is abuse and it will get worse and being under pressure is no excuse.
Do you have anyone at all you can tell or who can help?

Leave him. It will only get worse.
He’s a bully and a coward. Pressure at work is no excuse and no reason for hurting another person.
He’s doing it because he enjoys it, because he feels he can, and he is unlikely to change.

It doesn't matter that it's only recent. It's escalating behaviour and you should leave.

Will your family feel you were loved by him if he kills you?

WWYD? Leave immediately, it will only get worse. Never, ever an excuse to physically harm someone else.

@FourFriedChickensDryWhiteToast I know he probably wouldn't but I do enjoy rougher sex, so that's not an issue for me as it's pre accepted.

Leave now. Can't believe you could think there's another option.

@Winterfellismyhome I don't want to break it off as we live together and have a puppy. I do love him and we have amazing times together, just wondering how to approach him about how the hitting is seriously affecting me.

@SureIusedtobetaller I don't.

@IKnowItsTIMHONKSTIMHONKS I feel like it would be a HUGE over reaction to leave now as it's only 3 hits. But I do want it to stop. I won't allow it to get worse.

I seriously wouldn’t trust him with the BDSM element at the moment as he clearly isn’t able to control his temper or anger.

He is abusing you. He is assaulting you. He is hitting you. He has NO respect for you.

You really need to leave. Honestly. This is the start. There are many articles on the internet about this type of abuse.

Please leave amd distance yourself for your safety.

Thank you for the support @Cuttingthegrass

" I know he probably wouldn't "

well then you don't 'know' anything if it's only 'probably'.

You say you have told him you don't like him hitting You, yet he keeps doing it.

He's testing the waters to see how far he can go. One day he could seriously injure you or worse. Are you willing to take that risk? What about Kids?

it's not so severe that I would call it abuse

What would you call it then? I sure as hell would call it abuse. He's angry and hits you. The very definition of abuse. And it will only get worse and more violent and more frequent as now he knows he can get away with it.

Please get away as fast as your legs can carry you. And get some counseling to help you understand why you are minimising this and why you don't see it as real abuse.

Never mind the puppy.
You asked us what we thought and everyone is telling you to go.
Tell him that if he hits you again, you will leave and follow through with it.
He hit you because you gave the dog a biscuit and you still think he is funny and nice?

You tell him if he lays a hand on you again then you will leave. Then you leave if (or likely when) he does.

What makes you think he will suddenly stop? Often violence starts slowly and escalates.

Please understand that he is abusing you. He is hurting you and causing marks. This is nota acceptable way to live.

Rough sex is very different to hitting you in a temper. Does he even apologise? Does he show any remorse? Or does he dismiss it and make excuses as to how he's just stressed and it's your fault?

OP, this is so so wrong. I don't say this lightly but please leave this man.

You say you won't allow it to get worse, but it will get worse. You've already told him to stop and he keeps doing it. The dog biscuit thing was an incredibly minor thing to 'punish' you for - what if you do something really careless?

It's abuse. Rough sex roll play is one thing, usually the woman is in control and no one gets really hurt. Ask yourself if that's your case, because I'm willing to bet it's not. He sounds unhinged, leave now.

What would I do? I would leave him ASAP.
Don't really know why you're asking our advice though as you're quite clearly not listening to anyone.
How serious does it have to get for you to label it as 'abuse'?