My boyfriend has started hitting me when angry

[adoggymama]

Hi everyone, I was debating on making this post as it's not so severe that I would call it abuse but I'm scared it could get worse if you see what I mean?

Recently my boyfriend, when angry or when I've annoyed him (eg 5 mins ago I gave the dog a biscuit and he got annoyed because the dog should only be given biscuits when being good and he grabbed an empty pillow case (with sharp zipper on it) and slapped me round the leg with it) he is stronger than me and it obviously hurt- now with a red leg mark and raised bump with blood from the zipper catching it.

I love him and there has always been an element of 'pain' in our sexual relationship, which I like to some degree. (Eg spanking/choking/hair pull) but this past weekend he's hit me 3 times. Twice with his hand on my bare legs that left marks.

He's never done this before but is under pressure at the moment with work so I guess he's more testy. I was just joking around those times and he got angry and then lashed out.

Anyway I just wanted to get some other peoples opinions as I can't talk to anyone in my personal life if you know what I mean.

Thanks

19 yrs old with a 35 yr old man who likes choking her in the bedroom and now hitting her whenever he likes.

What could possibly go wrong?

Please leave him now. It will escalate. I can say this with absolute confidence as I eye the surgical scars I bear as a result of being assaulted by very similar man.

It's interesting that you say you cant tell anyone in your personal life. Can I ask why? I suspect its because you feel ashamed. The shame is entirely his. Please tell someone in real life, and make it into the reality it is.

You are in an abusive relationship, and it is perfectly likely he will injure you badly or even kill you (particularly bearing in mind the choking). That is the truth, however much it sounds like a dramatic leap.

Please please get some help.

This reminds me of that young girl who got stabbed playing ‘sex games’
Chilling

It’s not over reacting to leave. It WILL escalate. It was done in anger. You can’t control it - so his mood his decision. You’ll end up living in fear over everything and nothing and waste years and years of your life.

If it was a friend would you tolerate it? No. Do you want it to stop and you’ve told him to stop and it’s not? Yes.

Leave.

I won't allow it to get worse. Sweetheart, did you tell yourself you'd leave if a man hit you? Most of do, so I wouldn't be surprised.

Yet here you are, still there.

I won't allow it to get worse You don't get to decide that.

Most of us do, so I wouldn't be surprised.

He hit you so you made the two of you lunch? You made him food after he hit you. Do you see how he is controlling you already?

Telling you he didn't hit that hard is gaslighting. I would worry about leaving a dog with him as sooner or later he will take his anger out on your puppy and you.

He didn't used to hit you and now he has. That's escalation. He didn't used to break bones but one day he will. That's escalation. He didn't used to kill his partner, but... that's what escalation does. People talk about a pattern of abuse because it almost always follows a pattern.

Be the adult. End the relationship while you still can. This is your life we are talking about.

Two ways to look at it:

1. you deserve a relationship with someone who treats you well.

2. he must not be allowed to consider that his behaviour is acceptable.

Please, set a hard line with him. Better to end it now but if you won't do that at least be clear with him that any further violence or even the threat of violence and the relationship is over. Immediately and permanently.

Sweetheart, my dd is the same age as you.

If I ever found out that someone was hitting her, I would do everything in my power to protect her. Please listen to what everyone on here is telling you, he is an abuser and he is only going to get worse.

Please have the courage to get out now and never let him near you again.

adoggymama
When you've got a quiet few minutes to yourself, Google "MP Jess Phillips reads out a list of murdered women".

There are over a hundred names on that list and I'm certain that many of them would have said the exact words you have used, that you loved him, that he told you it was your fault, that you couldn't leave.
But all those women are dead now.

Don't let your name be added to the list that Jess reads out each year on International Women's Day. Leave him now, before it's too late.

I understand you love him and feel happy with the current situation. I would advise if you are staying to carefully assess and monitor these situations. When I was 18 I went out with a boyfriend for 2 yrs. he was the loveliest, most kind hearted person you could ever meet. It started with a shove or slap and escalated from there. It happens so slowly over time that the bar of what you will put up with moves also. I thought ‘I loved him’ and couldn’t live without him. He was so sorry afterwards, like a little boy. However, a flatmate kept hearing and seeing things going on and advised me they were frightened he was going to kill me. My self esteem was so low and I did not realise. I finished it. It was very hard and I was very sad at the time. I look back now in astonishment that I put up with it. I just wanted to make you aware of this so you know what to be mindful of if ever things escalate x

He will injure the dog next. And then he will get you pregnant to keep you with him.

Why aren’t you choking and hitting him?

Fucks sake woman, leave him now before you end up dead by his hand.

Are you listening yet OP?

I recently lost my step daughter to domestic homicide so i strongly suggest u think about leaving seriously. Regardless of any stresses yr bf may be going thru theres no reason to physically harm u and he will continue.

Leave and take your puppy with you! You will find someone just as nice who doesn't hit you when he's a bit stressed.

It will escalate. It always does. Hes done this 3 times, not once. He won’t stop because he’s trying to control you. Get away and remove the puppy from his control too. Please don’t have kids with this twat.

Would you accept a stranger laying hands on you if they were having a hard time at work? Of course not, tell him he has to go or leave yourself (you keep the puppy so it doesn't bear the brunt of his frustration). If you can't break up with him suggest therapy togeather and that you will live together if things change. But to be honest I would just find someone who doesn't hit me.

LTB. It will get worse!

Another adding my voice saying that the only way to handle this is to leave. You might consider it "mild" now but it is abuse and if you stay you are giving him permission to continue and the abuse will escalate.

Bloody hell. Did you consent to being hit outside of the bedroom? No? Then it is abuse.
Was it safe, sane and consensual?
He caused harm to you and you didn't consent to being hit.

It is abuse! Leave!

What a sad thread. I hope you are ok OP.

For gods sake you stupid woman. Leave him before it gets worse. This is just the start

In this case we do not need to RTFT.

Title of thread: My boyfriend has started hitting me when angry

Response from everyone: leave him.

Because nothing you say OP will make it OK.

Also, before he does this to another woman after you, suggest he attends anger management classes.