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Original poster

How to repair a friendship

204 replies

Makehimtick · 12/08/2018 22:51

Hi. I've had this good friend for 11 months. We've been gradually getting to know each other and just having fun. I did something that really upset him yesterday and he just won't communicate. Here's what it was. A few weeks ago were on a group walk, relaxing in the sun, and he splashed water over me. It was a laugh. I said' 'I'll get you back for that' and it was all fun. Yesterday was the next group walk. I brought with me a pot of dry sheep muck and poured it over his face. I said it was payback. I really thought he would laugh. He didn't. Gave me the silent treatment all the way back. I told him I was desperately sorry, hadn't meant to hurt/upset him, was meant in fun and wished I could undo it cos I deeply regretted it. Told him he meant a lot to me and was gutted I had done this. He seemed to thaw a bit and said 'OK I hear you but just don't say any more' and we had some general chat before we went our separate ways. He lives at a distance, doesn't like phone, so I emailed him when I got home and said again how sorry I was and also said a few general things, to show I was listening and trying to draw a line under it. I've heard nothing since and am so worried he is going to just end the friendship. What can I say that is brief but on target and will help save the friendship? Sad

OP posts:
SneakyGremlins · 14/08/2018 01:35
Hmm
rudewordsaretheshit · 14/08/2018 10:08

I'm laughing pretty hard at fog saying you turned off the sun. Hyperbole hyperbolised.

rudewordsaretheshit · 14/08/2018 10:21

*you, not fog

Original poster
Makehimtick · 14/08/2018 11:37

Well fog is very apt cos fog turns off the sun. At that moment, his beautiful face looked so blissful and the word I thought as I poised above it, container tipped' was 'golden'. he is lovely. Oh, God.

OP posts:
Emmageddon · 14/08/2018 12:28

You love him so much, don't you?

Tell him you're sorry
Tell him you were out of order.
Tell him you had no idea of the health implications.
Send him flowers.
Apologise again.

If he still wants out, let him go.

TheDishRanAwayWithTheSpoon · 14/08/2018 13:14

OP, why don't you just explain the background and your feelings rather than hinting again and again that you love him?

Watchingtheworldgoby · 14/08/2018 13:19

TheFish It is/was obviously a blossoming relationship. Relationships are not always in or out.

Original poster
Makehimtick · 14/08/2018 14:10

TheDishRanAwayWithTheSpoon, Do you mean explain to the readers of the forum or explain to him?

For readers:
I've explained the background of the incident in bits as I have gone along, responding to people's comments. I was responding to a prank he played on me some weeks ago, and in the same outrageous spirit as something distasteful he playfully threatened to do to me a while back.

I can't explain here on a forum thread why and how I love him. I know love him. Have done for months.

For him: Cos he said 'Please just don't say any more' and cos he isn't one for what he calls whimpering girlie gush. I feel that now is not the time to declare my true feelings to him. Don't want to bring a new thing into the messy mix.

OP posts:
Original poster
Makehimtick · 14/08/2018 14:13

Emmageddon: Have got something ready to post tonight including everything on your list, but enclosed a postcard instead of flowers, of a place where our friendship first properly started. Can only wait and see now.

OP posts:
Pinkandyellowandgreen · 14/08/2018 14:16

TheFish It is/was obviously a blossoming relationship.

I'm not so sure about that Watching sounds entirely one sided TBH. They have known each other for 11 months. That is more than enough time for Mr Golden Lovely Sheep Shit Face to have asked out our Faeces Flinger if he was that that inclined.

It reads as if OP has a super-enormous crush that is unrequited :

His beautiful face in the grass with such a blissful expression and I violated it. In a sense I turned off the sun.

Really love him. You only know what I have told you but he is the kindest, funniest and wackiest I have ever known.

At that moment, his beautiful face looked so blissful and the word I thought as I poised above it, container tipped' was 'golden'. he is lovely. Oh, God.

Meanwhile he is now not speaking to her and before that had threatened to sit on her face and let one go.

It looks like a onesided crush to me. An adult man who is interested in a woman, even the shyest types, have normally managed to ask someone out within a year.

MinorRSole · 14/08/2018 14:28

@Makehimtick you are so intense! If you like him that much and tbh I don't think I've ever liked anyone THAT much, sorry dh then for the love of god back off. You are coming across really quite stalkery and a bit scary!

MalloryLaurel · 14/08/2018 14:36

Why do you want to be with someone who threatened to sit on your face and fart. That's disgusting. I also think that this relationship is one sided too. If a man fancies you then he would be more available to you. I think he's not keen and you have imagined a closeness between you.

Original poster
Makehimtick · 14/08/2018 15:07

I have known him for 4 years but been developing as close friends for 11 months. We have discussed stuff such as sex and being a couple and I am not making these things public. He is very private but has opened up to me. He won't ask me out and I don't expect him to, because of things we have discussed privately. We are both hetero and he's a guy and I'm a gal. We are good friends, perhaps a little more than friends but it's a grey area and all quite delicate. It is not one sided. There is a lot that none of you know.

Over the 4 years I have known him I have seen the sort of humour he displays and that is what gave me the confidence to do what I did. Does farting in the face equate to sheep shit in the face or doesn't it?
It's up to me if I want to be with that guy and I do. Anyway he didn't actually carry out his threat. Many threats are empty.

We ought not to be judged on the basis of things people don't even know.

He does indeed have a lovely face and smile and he is my sunshine and he did look blissful at that moment. That does't mean it's one huge unrequited crush. I know it isn't. I don't have to give ALL our private details and discussions away, do I?

This is so hard cos one person says send him something and another says Don't. I wish to God I knew. I did an online consultation with a well known, reputable counselling organisation yesterday and they said maybe a brief message to him, so I thought I would take that advice as the person giving it was a trained counsellor and I have an article I said I would send him anyway. After that, no more unless he contacts me.

Or maybe I won't send anything now. Oh God, I wish I knew.

I wish to God there was an answer. I wish to God I hadn't ever done the thing in the first place. I made the mess, now I'm lying in it.

OP posts:
MsPavlichenko · 14/08/2018 15:23

FFS. Leave him alone. It has only been a few days. He might forgive you, or not but give him space. And you. Maybe stop thinking about it and do something else as a distraction.

Fatbelliedgirl · 14/08/2018 15:23

Give him space and let him make contact with you in his own time OP.
Perhaps if nothing heard by the weekend then try and get in touch.

MinorRSole · 14/08/2018 15:33

You've discussed sex, it's a grey area, it's delicate.....he's just not interested.
If he was you would be having sex instead of talking about it.

Pinkandyellowandgreen · 14/08/2018 15:50

First Post: I've had this good friend for 11 months
Now: I have known him for 4 years but been developing as close friends for 11 months.

Drip feed much?

If it's been 4 years PLUS 11 months, I'd forget this. He has had long enough to ask you out and it's not happening.

Sorry if this sounds harsh advice, but given the way you are writing about him here (sounds a bit obsessive and serious crush) you have a huge potential to make a massive tit of yourself over this man - because you are soooo keen and he just isn't.

Best advice I'm afraid is to steer clear of him and just calm it right down.

Pinkandyellowandgreen · 14/08/2018 15:52

Does farting in the face equate to sheep shit in the face or doesn't it?

Not at all - one is a crass and childish threat - indicative of child man not suitable for dating. It's kid's talk and toilet humour that most sane people find a turn off.

The other is an inexplicable assault by throwing disease carrying shit in someone's face. It's not funny.

Original poster
Makehimtick · 14/08/2018 16:17

Hi. Yep, have loads going on in my life but can't get on with anything. This is occupying me 100%.

OK will leave the posting for now.

About the sex thing, there is too much people don't know to go and say things like he's not interested and we would be doing it instead of talking about it. Sorry, you have no idea and I don't have to explain why and I'm not going to. The things that are being said are based on assumptions. Only he and I know the true picture. Oh we are definitely both interested in each other. That has mutually been made clear.

People talking about sex and the nature of this relationship are not getting it. Look, take it from me we are both keenly interested in getting close and we are both attracted to each other. I'm sorry but I would know. I am not giving away any more background stuff. It's too personal for a public forum and not fair to him. This is entering areas where I am not prepared to go. No one knows the details. Assumptions are being made on the wrong premisses ( that spelling is intended).

OP posts:
MsPavlichenko · 14/08/2018 16:27

It will stop occupying you 100% if you get on with doing something else.

TheDishRanAwayWithTheSpoon · 14/08/2018 16:43

If people knew the actual relationship rather than all this "we are good friends" bit then indication that actually they're more. Hinting that you are madly in love with him, you have had sex? You have discussed sex? You are half together? It might change my advice.

For example I might be able to forgive a good friend if i realised this was a moment of madness but I wouldn't forgive a blossoming relationship (at least not past friends). I might forgive a long term boyfriend again if I really thought it was a moment of madness.

Because from where I'm standing I see a woman who thinks she's in love with a man, seems to actually be obsessing over him but he's not interested.

TheDishRanAwayWithTheSpoon · 14/08/2018 16:43

Is he married? Is that what this is, an affair?

Pinkandyellowandgreen · 14/08/2018 16:55

The things that are being said are based on assumptions. Only he and I know the true picture. Oh we are definitely both interested in each other. That has mutually been made clear.

No - people are posting NOT on assumptions but based on what you have told us.

YOU have said:

I have known him for 4 years but been developing as close friends for 11 months.

He won't ask me out and I don't expect him to, because of things we have discussed privately

So he is not interested - or at least not interested ENOUGH to ask you out. It's been 4 years or 11 months - either way it's the same position. He has not asked you out and is not going to. But you are "in love" with him.

You being all cryptic about it and hinting that none of us know the true position doesn't change these base facts!

Original poster
Makehimtick · 14/08/2018 16:59

OK TheDishRanAwayWithTheSpoon. Helpful about whether you would forgive and in what circs but you are in no position to comment on the status or balance of the relationship and I am no longer going to comment on answers which are assumptions without knowledge of matters which I have not divulged.

OP posts:
MissLadyM · 14/08/2018 17:01

To be honest, you both sound like real arseholes. The sad thing is you probably both think you're 'hilarious' and wacky 'characters'!

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