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Original poster

How to repair a friendship

204 replies

Makehimtick · 12/08/2018 22:51

Hi. I've had this good friend for 11 months. We've been gradually getting to know each other and just having fun. I did something that really upset him yesterday and he just won't communicate. Here's what it was. A few weeks ago were on a group walk, relaxing in the sun, and he splashed water over me. It was a laugh. I said' 'I'll get you back for that' and it was all fun. Yesterday was the next group walk. I brought with me a pot of dry sheep muck and poured it over his face. I said it was payback. I really thought he would laugh. He didn't. Gave me the silent treatment all the way back. I told him I was desperately sorry, hadn't meant to hurt/upset him, was meant in fun and wished I could undo it cos I deeply regretted it. Told him he meant a lot to me and was gutted I had done this. He seemed to thaw a bit and said 'OK I hear you but just don't say any more' and we had some general chat before we went our separate ways. He lives at a distance, doesn't like phone, so I emailed him when I got home and said again how sorry I was and also said a few general things, to show I was listening and trying to draw a line under it. I've heard nothing since and am so worried he is going to just end the friendship. What can I say that is brief but on target and will help save the friendship? Sad

OP posts:
BlancheM · 13/08/2018 14:31

Young and daft*

LemonysSnicket · 13/08/2018 14:32

You could have given him pink eye or liver disease... vile

justme28 · 13/08/2018 14:35

This post and comments are hilarious.

I think I would be more 'weirded out' than angry if someone did it to me.

I'd feel sheep-ish if I were you.

LemonysSnicket · 13/08/2018 14:40

OP are you in love with this man? You're being quite flowery in your description of his friendship...

Ohyippedydooda · 13/08/2018 14:43

To very specifically answer your question: you should definitely now leave him to get in touch with you next. It sounds like he has accepted your apology to the extent he is able to at the moment, but now needs some space to decide if that is enough to override the way it obviously made him feel (upset, disgusted, violated- whatever).

I cant resist also commenting on the incident too - just insane! the pre-meditation aspect may be the thing he is struggling to get past tbh. I snorted out loud with laughter at it, so far from what I was expecting!

Having said all that, I do sort of understand that you can quite easily get carried away with a silly idea and just not stop to think. I hope he can move past it, if the friendship really did have the promise you saw in it.

Would love an update as and when (if) you do hear from him again!

Singlenotsingle · 13/08/2018 15:04

ohyippedydoodah - this OP is in her 50s ffs! Carried away indeed! Did you snap and fart? (Although it was funny - maybe OP is a troll?)

ovenchips · 13/08/2018 15:39

To answer the question in your OP, I don't think you can really do anything else at mo. You apologised at the time and then in an email. I might wait a decent interval then invite him out for something whilst also reminding him that you're sorry to have upset him so (just in case he thinks you've brushed it under carpet). Failing that, tbh I'm not sure what else you could do as the ball is definitely in his court.

FWIW it's something about the premeditated nature of your 'payback' that makes it seem cruel and unpleasant rather than spontaneous but very ill-judged. I know you didn't mean it so but I think that is what would really bother me about it. Apart from it being sheep shit obv.Smile

Ohyippedydooda · 13/08/2018 15:55

ohyippedydoodah - this OP is in her 50s ffs! Carried away indeed! Did you snap and fart? (Although it was funny - maybe OP is a troll?)
Grin Grin

starryeyed19 · 13/08/2018 16:04

@whatonearthcoulditbe No, we are not all on the spectrum in some way. I've just had to be called by the Carers looking after my 8 year old who wouldn't leave the park who was hitting, pinching and hurting all three of us. He now won't leave the car.

It's fucking offensive and disrespectful to say this. We are NOT all on the spectrum. We don't all have issues with communication or social communication. We don't all live with little awareness of danger.

Watchingtheworldgoby · 13/08/2018 17:36

People in their 50s can get carried away too FGS! The OP found it funny. I must say I laughed out loud at the post about woman throwing maggots into her friend’s mouth but I wouldn’t find it funny if it happened to me. It was an ill judged practical joke. As was the OPs.

derxa · 13/08/2018 17:36

I've never heard of people chucking sheep shit at each other and I'm a sheep farmer.

Original poster
Makehimtick · 13/08/2018 18:22

I'm not a troll. Have never trolled anybody. It's right that I planned it weeks ago and giggled over it, imagining me doing it and him laughing and running after me and doing something even bigger in revenge.

It's true I didn't stop to think that he might react badly. Not at all. I was 110% sure he would find it hilarious.

Really love him. You only know what I have told you but he is the kindest, funniest and wackiest I have ever known.

OP posts:
ItWentInMyEye · 13/08/2018 18:30

@derxa you've killed me 😂

RedDogsBeg · 13/08/2018 18:50

Throwing shit over someone, whether dried or not, is a very extreme thing to do Makehimtick. I struggle to understand why you never for one second considered that he, or anyone else, might react badly to it - fgs it was shit, stuff that comes out of a backside and trying to justify it by saying it was a grazing animal doesn't make any difference it is still shit.

I think you need to re visit the parameters of your 'wacky' sense of humour.

You will just have to wait and see if his feelings for you are strong enough for him to get beyond this and continue the friendship.

PortiaCastis · 13/08/2018 19:08

Sheep shit slinging is not conducive to friendship but I wonder if there's a competition somewhere that rewards the amount of shite chucked in 3 minutes

SheSparkles · 13/08/2018 19:15

“Mad sense of humour”=I think I’m hilarious but I’m fucking irritating
“Wacky”=I think I’m hilarious but I’m fucking irritating

Just in case you’re in any doubt...the pair of you are my worst nightmare

RosaMallory · 13/08/2018 19:24

This isn't the action of someone who is autistic because it shows a lack of empathy. I am really fed up of people excusing bad behaviour with autism. To me this sounds more like sadism or psychopathy. Have you looked into personality disorders?

JesusInTheCabbageVan · 13/08/2018 19:36

OP, you might actually have achieved a thread that's too weird even for the Daily Mail to pick up.

A shame, because the sadfaces would have been excellent.

Haypanky · 13/08/2018 19:47

Ah really hope he let's you off. Dry sheep poo is harmless in my opinion. I wouldnt have thought too much of it. Maybe I'm weird!

Ohyippedydooda · 13/08/2018 19:58

The responses to this are gold Grin

And I agree, people who self-identify as 'wacky' are generally an absolute nightmare!

Original poster
Makehimtick · 13/08/2018 19:59

I'm glad it's too weird for the Daily Mail.

It's comforting that some don't think dry sheep poo to the face is a deal-breaker. That gives me hope.

Seems to have provided amusement to some. Only thing is, I love him to bits and I am tearing myself apart over it. I will never laugh about it now.

OP posts:
Hayles88 · 13/08/2018 20:38

I would never forgive a friend for this, in fact I would cut contact completely. What a dirty, degrading thing to do to someone you "care" about.

If someone I thought of as more than a friend did this it would put me off them instantly and I'd be done with it. Even if I did still speak to them it could never be more than the odd curtious and polite remark. No one would be able to get the attraction back after something so vile and low, even if they could get the acquaintance relationship back

You don't care about him, if you did your you wouldn't do something so disgusting. I'm shocked you're on here weeping and wailing about the loss of your "friend". Its not about you.

I hope he's blocked your number, is getting on with his life and has got over the hurt and embarrassment.

0hCrepe · 13/08/2018 20:50

I do hope he forgives you as you obviously really like him!

Original poster
Makehimtick · 13/08/2018 21:09

Hayles88 I do care about him and no one is in any position to say that I don't. I absolutely love him to bits. No one knows more about that than I. No it's not about me, you are right, and I'm not saying it is. It's about the poor lovely guy who has been hurt, but this actual post itself is about me. I covered the 'this isn't about me' thing yesterday evening so I'll not repeat it here. I considered posting on his behalf. Anyway have a look back and see. I am weeping because I feel so much remorse for what I did. I have not wailed.

He gets on with his beautiful life anyway. He hasn't blocked my number. I note what your hopes are for me. Thank you.

OP posts:
tworoundsofwaterplease · 14/08/2018 01:32

I may be against the grain but I think he'll come round. He knew you were planning something. You did 'outdo' his joke. He'll either have words and say 'yeh too far ' if he's aware of the risks with excrement. He might thnk you're weird for cultivating a plan such as this but if he's laid back and wacky I don't think It's the end of the world. Probably has had his pride dented a little. I'd leave it and own it 'yeh I did that. Let's see what happens'.