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How to repair a friendship

204 replies

Makehimtick · 12/08/2018 22:51

Hi. I've had this good friend for 11 months. We've been gradually getting to know each other and just having fun. I did something that really upset him yesterday and he just won't communicate. Here's what it was. A few weeks ago were on a group walk, relaxing in the sun, and he splashed water over me. It was a laugh. I said' 'I'll get you back for that' and it was all fun. Yesterday was the next group walk. I brought with me a pot of dry sheep muck and poured it over his face. I said it was payback. I really thought he would laugh. He didn't. Gave me the silent treatment all the way back. I told him I was desperately sorry, hadn't meant to hurt/upset him, was meant in fun and wished I could undo it cos I deeply regretted it. Told him he meant a lot to me and was gutted I had done this. He seemed to thaw a bit and said 'OK I hear you but just don't say any more' and we had some general chat before we went our separate ways. He lives at a distance, doesn't like phone, so I emailed him when I got home and said again how sorry I was and also said a few general things, to show I was listening and trying to draw a line under it. I've heard nothing since and am so worried he is going to just end the friendship. What can I say that is brief but on target and will help save the friendship? Sad

OP posts:
AllRoadsLeadBackToRadley · 13/08/2018 10:44

YeTalkShiteHen you should change your name to "YeTalkSense* 😀

YeTalkShiteHen · 13/08/2018 10:50

AllRoadsLeadBackToRadley haha why thank you 😊 it’s not often I’m told that Grin

Shockers · 13/08/2018 11:01

‘Mate, that was a massive lack of judgement on my part and I’m gutted that I’ve upset you so much as I value your friendship. I really hope that we can get past this and I can make it up to you. Love, Makehimtick.’

Dermymc · 13/08/2018 11:04

Jeepers you threw sheep shit in his face and you expect him to still talk to you. Wow.

Makehimtick · 13/08/2018 11:07

No one knows how sorry I am and how dreadful I feel about having hurt his feelings. The subject of my post was about how to repair things and be friends. I have kept off the forum the agony I feel for him and the imaginings of how it must have felt at the time and how shocked and violated he must have felt cos that not what I am seeking views on. I love the guy and the thoughts are breaking my heart. I love him, he's the best. I just went too far.

OP posts:
YeTalkShiteHen · 13/08/2018 11:24

I just went too far

Just is minimising. You threw shit on him. Never mind what type or whatever, you threw shit on him. Whether he wants to be friends or not is up to him, so you’ve apologised, repeatedly. Leave it now and let him decide. Anything else is badgering.

It’s not about how you feel, it’s about how you made him feel.

I wouldn’t be friends with someone who humiliated me by throwing shit over me, and I don’t know many who would.

So you have to respect his space and let him decide what he wants to do.

CloudCaptain · 13/08/2018 11:24

Well you could stand still with a thick book in front of you and let him shoot you with a real gun. No?
Confused
This is the level of escalation required for the next prank...

Zoe2411 · 13/08/2018 11:35

GrinGrinGrinGrin I have absolutely just laughed my tits off at every comment !
Just brilliant - pure gold ! Made me day !

I hope you make friends xXx

Makehimtick · 13/08/2018 12:05

Yes the whole thing is about how I made him feel, but the actual post itself, which I decided to put up, is about how I feel.
What I should do now is put up a post on his behalf, about how a woman he was getting to like and was having lots of fun with suddenly tipped sheep shit in his face one day in the name of fun, which upset him very deeply. Well, I know what the response would be. So, people, this post is about me and what I can do. Thank you to those who have responded to the question.

OP posts:
YeTalkShiteHen · 13/08/2018 12:06

I find it highly ironic that you’re getting snooty about the responses you’ve had, given your actions.

I did respond, you need to respect his wishes and give him space.

Maybe that just isn’t the answer you wanted.

Sweetsongbird1 · 13/08/2018 12:09

make do you like him a bit more than just friends ?

AllRoadsLeadBackToRadley · 13/08/2018 12:11

You've been given "what to do now" advice on here!

I wish I hadn't bothered now! I tore myself away from Corrie for this ffs!

YeTalkShiteHen · 13/08/2018 12:13

Nooooo not Corrie Radley Grin please tell me you had it paused?

GinUnicorn · 13/08/2018 12:26

You can’t make someone forgive you. It’s his decision whether he can move past this or not.

You disrespected his (and I’d say 99% of peoples) boundaries by this prank so make your heartfelt apology and respect his boundaries now by allowing him to forgive you in his own time. You do need to appreciate might be never.

RedDogsBeg · 13/08/2018 12:32

Makehimtick - what to do now advice:

He said this to you: OK I hear you but just don't say any more - show him some respect and do just that. Leave him alone, let him decide whether or not he wants to contact you or continue the friendship.

Emmageddon · 13/08/2018 12:37

It is so inappropriate to throw animal excrement at someone.
There are a number of diseases that can be transmitted to humans, usually through inhalation rather than ingestion. As the faeces were dry, this could be a distinct possibility.

Ever heard of Q Fever?

Makehimtick · 13/08/2018 12:51

Oh please don't think I'm ignoring responses. I've read them all. I just haven't responded to every one individually. Yes, I read the be quiet and give him space advice. It matters not whether it's what I like to hear. It's all advice and I did ask for it.

I agree I have been very thoughtless and no I didn't think about the diseases. I'm scared to death now for my poor, poor friend. I know it's not about me but I am sitting here in tears. I am truly, truly sorry. I feel dreadful for him. His beautiful face in the grass with such a blissful expression and I violated it. In a sense I turned off the sun.

I thought of him as more than friends but I'm saying no more. Will be interested to see what assumptions and conclusions that leads to..

OP posts:
RedDogsBeg · 13/08/2018 13:12

Be quiet and give him space is the only appropriate advice/response, OP, I hope you heed it. Badgering him will not work it will make the situation worse.

You apologised and made your case, the decision as to what happens next is his and his alone.

Perhaps think more carefully about how far to push your 'wacky' sense of humour in future, consider others perception and boundaries. I don't think you fully understand how demeaning your 'prank' was, joking around should never result in one person feeling humiliated, belittled or disrespected.

whatonearthcoulditbe · 13/08/2018 13:15

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YeTalkShiteHen · 13/08/2018 13:19

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whatonearthcoulditbe · 13/08/2018 13:21

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AllRoadsLeadBackToRadley · 13/08/2018 13:22

WOAH....

I'm an Aspie...and I don't throw shit at people!

YeTalkShiteHen · 13/08/2018 13:24

whatonearthcoulditbe no I won’t chill out when people compare shitty behaviour with a developmental disorder.

You might think you’re terribly witty and oh so clever but when you deal with that shit day in day out it becomes exhausting and makes my life, my kids lives and anyone else who is ND life harder.

So you chuckle away in your ignorance, but think on.

YeTalkShiteHen · 13/08/2018 13:24

I’m not a hun either thanks, I'm a Tim (only Scottish folk will get that)

whatonearthcoulditbe · 13/08/2018 13:25

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