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Original poster

How to repair a friendship

204 replies

Makehimtick · 12/08/2018 22:51

Hi. I've had this good friend for 11 months. We've been gradually getting to know each other and just having fun. I did something that really upset him yesterday and he just won't communicate. Here's what it was. A few weeks ago were on a group walk, relaxing in the sun, and he splashed water over me. It was a laugh. I said' 'I'll get you back for that' and it was all fun. Yesterday was the next group walk. I brought with me a pot of dry sheep muck and poured it over his face. I said it was payback. I really thought he would laugh. He didn't. Gave me the silent treatment all the way back. I told him I was desperately sorry, hadn't meant to hurt/upset him, was meant in fun and wished I could undo it cos I deeply regretted it. Told him he meant a lot to me and was gutted I had done this. He seemed to thaw a bit and said 'OK I hear you but just don't say any more' and we had some general chat before we went our separate ways. He lives at a distance, doesn't like phone, so I emailed him when I got home and said again how sorry I was and also said a few general things, to show I was listening and trying to draw a line under it. I've heard nothing since and am so worried he is going to just end the friendship. What can I say that is brief but on target and will help save the friendship? Sad

OP posts:
RedDogsBeg · 13/08/2018 13:26

That's a reprehensible comment whatonearthcoulditbe and your sneering, patronising follow up comment is no better.

Emmageddon · 13/08/2018 13:29

Perhaps if you tell him you initially thought throwing dried poo at him would be funny, but retrospectively you realise you may have inadvertently exposed him to various zoonotic diseases, and it might be a good idea for him to see his GP.

Going forward, throwing excrement at someone is never a good idea, never mind a hilarious prank.

YeTalkShiteHen · 13/08/2018 13:31

It's typically aspergic to respond like this

No, it really isn’t Hmm

It seems the OP has a peculiar way of seeing things and I just asked.

Peculiar? ODFOD.

Why? Do you expect your BIL to explain himself to you?

GinandGingerBeer · 13/08/2018 13:32

I'm just Shock
And scratching my head. Utterly bizarre

Original poster
Makehimtick · 13/08/2018 13:33

Not sure I understand. Are you saying I, the OP, is being aspergic? You may be right. I think I have these traits. Or is my lovely guy friend being aspergic? You may be right there too. I have seen traits in him too. Or is whatonearthcoulditbe being aspergic?

Is my tone a problem? I didn't realise. Sorry. Thought I was telling it straight.

Have I the OP jumped on a wagon? I don't think I have. Think this is two commenters conversing about each other. I am not very good at these forums and often don't know how to work them and don't know who's being talked about.
I wonder if this topic has been done to death now.

OP posts:
whatonearthcoulditbe · 13/08/2018 13:34

No kitten you don't get it, I explain things to him as he asks me why or what happened and he always says "I don't get things" "I don't get it" "I didn't realise"

I'm off as this is de railing the topic.

AllRoadsLeadBackToRadley · 13/08/2018 13:34

Tbf, I AM pretty peculiar!
Just been to Greggs btw...anyone want a cupcake?

AllRoadsLeadBackToRadley · 13/08/2018 13:35

Make my Aspie comment wasn't directed at you 💖

runningscare · 13/08/2018 13:35

Awful... not on the same level at all .... that's fcuked up humour. I would be surprised if the relationship will go back to how it was. Or a lot of time and effort will be needed to build the bridge.

YeTalkShiteHen · 13/08/2018 13:36

Aye I’ll have one Radley I need a sugar rush to combat the caffeine high Grin

Can you do cheers with cupcakes?

whatonearthcoulditbe · 13/08/2018 13:37

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

shakeyourcaboose · 13/08/2018 13:38

@yetalkshitehen off topic but 'mon the Hoops! 😁

YeTalkShiteHen · 13/08/2018 13:39

We are all on the spectrum in some way

HOUSE!

Oh sorry we weren’t playing bullshit bingo were we? My mistake.

We are all on the spectrum is just such unmitigated minimising self indulgent bullshit.

Watchingtheworldgoby · 13/08/2018 13:39

Singsong🤪 your post has tears running down my cheeks.

OP I kind of get what you did. You didn’t mean any real harm. It was a practical joke in your eyes. Personally I don’t know how I would have reacted but I probably would not have been so upset. What a shame it was actual shit you gathered and flung on him rather than some water from your drinking bottle which would have startled him but been more appropriate and less premeditated. He was obviously disgusted. You have apologised and to be honest there is not a whole lot more you can do. Let him be and check in with him againlater in the week (if you would have anyway) but you must respect him if he doesn’t reply and not keep contacting him. I know you said you have/are developing feelings for him but if he has such a different sense of humour than you, it might not have worked out anyway. Of course he might have also have/had feelings for you but is now confused and humiliated as to how someone he cares about thought little enough about him to throw shit on him publicly......

I had a friend and played a practical joke on her (again utterly harmless in my mind at the time) and she took offense and never spoke to me again. I had to accept it and part of me came to the realisation she would have accepted my (numerous) apologies if she had cared enough about the friendship too.

YeTalkShiteHen · 13/08/2018 13:39

shakeyourcaboose yaaaaaaasssss! I knew someone would get it Grin COYBIG

AllRoadsLeadBackToRadley · 13/08/2018 13:41

AND...you're not the first person to have done a twatty thing thinking it was funny! I've done my fair share too.

ItWentInMyEye · 13/08/2018 13:46

"We are all on the spectrum" is SO fucking disrespectful to people actually on it.

Original poster
Makehimtick · 13/08/2018 13:50

We DO share the same humour. That's one big reason why we have been getting on so well for our first 11 months.See his threat to 'crack one open' in my face and many other things we've shared over the months that I haven't put here. That's where the sheep shit confidence came from. But he clearly doesn't enjoy the humour quite to the same extremes as I do.

I am taking on board all replies. Obviously I LIKE better the ones that suggest he will come round, but have to take note of the majority: the sobering ones of doom and gloom and this being the end of our beautiful relationship. Oh please, no, no, no....

OP posts:
YeTalkShiteHen · 13/08/2018 13:51

He might well come round in time OP.

RedDogsBeg · 13/08/2018 13:52

Your attempted justification of your comment is pathetic whereonearthcoulditbe, you asked the OP if she was unhinged.

RedDogsBeg · 13/08/2018 13:57

He might come round in time, OP, but there is nothing you can or should do now to make that happen. Don't force the issue.

If he does come round you will need to have a discussion about what is and isn't deemed acceptable as 'practical jokes'.

Singlenotsingle · 13/08/2018 14:18

It's a bit worrying actually. If the friend really does share OP's wierd and twatty sense of humour, he could be plotting his revenge! I'd be very careful, OP, he could be coming to get you Shock - (Strange people).

Pinkandyellowandgreen · 13/08/2018 14:19

I thought from our contact over 11 months - and I haven't told you any details of that - that he was as way out as me.

What you don't seem to grasp is that tipping sheep shit in someone's face IS NOT funny or way out. When you add in that this was pre-planned (you went equipt in armed robbery terms), it is really really strange and abnormal behaviour.

The fact you keep insisting that some "way out people" on your wavelength would have found it funny indicates that you really are not in touch with typical human reactions. I think it is probably this aspect of your posting that has lead people to query whether you have Asbergers/autism - because by this insistance on this you are showing a lack of empathy with an expected human reaction.

To answer your question about how to repair the friendship I think the only thing you can do is apologise properly and fullsomely and mean it (you may have struggled with the latter given what you have posted here) and then DO NOT MENTION IT AGAIN. If you keep going on about it, you are just rubbing his nose in it so to speak.

If you are lucky, you will have opportunities to see him again and with the passage of time it may fade in his mind provided you don't do anything so gross or crass again.

TBH though you may have to accept this is irrecoverable. If someone did that to me, I would not want to be friend's with them -

not specifically because of what they did (ie. a recipient of sheep shit) although I wouldn't like that!!! -

but the fact that they pre-prepared and came with the sheep shitt (gave it some careful thought & planned it) and then thought it was an appropriate thing to do - would mean I would judge them as having very very poor judgment and behaving in such a socially perculiar way that I wouldn't want to socialise with someone like that or to have them in my life. Life is too short.

Keep your head down and don't mention it again and you may be lucky. I doubt it though. I think that goose is cooked.

BlancheM · 13/08/2018 14:28

I dread to think how you used to carry off when you were and daft if this is you in your 50s!
I think the only way to salvage the friendship is to be honest with yourself and your friend and admit that, actually you didn't take the water being thrown at you as it was intended and you were upset. You must have been really stewing over it to have come up with the idea of sprinkling someone with shit.

LemonysSnicket · 13/08/2018 14:29

Surely this is a troll?

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