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Staying at in-laws with dc and there is no food

960 replies

daytimemom · 11/08/2018 16:30

Arrived at in-laws with DH (their son) and our two dc’s. For context, they are very well off. Live in huge house in the country, spend six months a year on cruises, have new car etc.

This is the first time we have visited them in their new house. Normally they stay at our house where we cook meals for them, provide wine and snacks and generally be very hospitable. They certainly enjoy all our food and drink.

This is what they served DH and I for dinner; two small roast potato’s, one small parsnip, teaspoon of peas and carrots, three slices of chicken. Our dc who are 11 and 12 had the same but with one roast potato rather than two. Dessert was one scoop of ice cream. DH asked if he could have another scoop but was told no as the carton (think Ben & Jerry’s small sized carton) had to last them a week.

By evening the dc were ravenous. I asked mil if dc could have a slice of toast or cereal. Was told they only had muesli and one small loaf of brown seeded bread. DC do not like either. I asked if there was any fruit was told no. DH asked if there was a bag of crisps, again no.

I’m not proud of this but DH and I went through the fridge and cupboards trying to find something to eat but the cupboards were literally bare.

DH went out this morning to buy some bread, cheese etc (which fil helped himself too) and I suggested to mil we go out to dinner but she insisted she is cooking. Dreading another tiny meal & the dc’s being hungry.

DH said they are just being tight by not spending money on food and drink. I quite frankly want to go home. Simple things like they knew we were coming but the bathroom had no towels or soap, no mirror or lamp in guest bedroom. Could they not have bought some cornflakes & snacks knowing most kids don’t eat muesli!

They have always been mean with money, poor DH as a uni student was penniless living off toast and pawning his stuff while his parents refused and financial assistance.

OP posts:
Elflocks · 11/08/2018 17:03

Have they always been like this?
Were they strange about food Dh lived with them, or is Dh completely surprised by it?

I feel sorry for you, op!

itssquidstella · 11/08/2018 17:04

Only responding to the first post but if your kids were that hungry, they'd have eaten the brown bread or muesli (SN excepted). Agree that PIL sound stingy but it's not quite fair to say there was NOTHING to eat.

deepsea · 11/08/2018 17:04

My MIL did this, but the goody tin was stashed away and just for her.

I would go and stock up at the supermarket or petrols station and then make your excuses and leave early. It would be another ten years or so before I choose to go again. Horrible having hungry children.

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happypoobum · 11/08/2018 17:04

Order in pizza and eat the lot in your bedrooms.

Believeitornot · 11/08/2018 17:05

If they say “oh you like snacking” you reply “well yes when we have small meals”. You’re letting them win their silly game.

Either buy snacks and make no bones about eating them. Or get your dh to have a clear word about the small portions.

problembottom · 11/08/2018 17:05

My well off parents are a bit like this. They just don't eat proper-sized meals so if you want more than a tiny piece of toast for breakfast they are shocked and stunned. There was once a big row as an Italian in law politely requested bread with his meal (which is of course the norm in Italy), my mum was furious!

Anyway when one of my DSis heads over with her three young kids she always does a big shop. My folks really enjoy her meals which she finds very galling! It's either that or starve for a week tho.

MrsJayy · 11/08/2018 17:05

My parents can be like this they eat like birds on a diet they are not miserly just don't eat much have much in. If you go for lunch you will get a slice of cut loaf sandwiched with a few crisps on the side you go home with your stomach rumbling

ICouldBeSomebodyYouKnow · 11/08/2018 17:07

My ILs, especially FIL, were brought up to eat everything that was on their plate - he would clear his plate, no matter how full he was. Could this be why they eat well when they visit yours?

Also, as people age, they not only lose their own appetite, they lose touch with other people's needs. For example that growing children need a lot more food than they do. They just won't have a clue.

flopsyrabbit1 · 11/08/2018 17:07

god i bet their gluttens on their cruise,first ones at the dinning room etc

probably bring some home in their suitcaseGrin

Iloveacurry · 11/08/2018 17:07

Yes definitely serve them their tiny portions when they next visit! But obviously give yourself more ....

Bluntness100 · 11/08/2018 17:11

I tell you though, it's reached an all time low when you're hiding hit cross buns and scoffing rhem in secret so your family can't get any.

The mind boggles.

gottachangethename1 · 11/08/2018 17:12

Go home. I’m at in laws at the moment (in Europe) there is ample food, but I’m sleeping on one sofa while dh is on the other. We are not allowed to have air con on for longer than an hour per day and it’s stifling hot. We have one pillow for the two of us and my sheet has a huge tear in it. The house is full of expensive antiques and mil only wears designer gear. After 20 years I realise this is just how her priorities work. Thank Christ I only have to tolerate this once a year. One week down, one to go Shock

Gemini69 · 11/08/2018 17:12

They're happy to live off of you though OP.. get your kids HOME tonight .. oh and don't invite them to yours again Flowers

beeefcake · 11/08/2018 17:16

Order a pizza!!!!!!! Fuck that. If someone messed with my eating I would be PISSED OFF

Knittedfairies · 11/08/2018 17:16

Order a pizza to be delivered just as you’ve finished the dinner provided.

Peanutbuttercups21 · 11/08/2018 17:16

I had a grand mother like this

She ate like a bird, so ladylike and glamorous. Then scoffed biscuits and sausage rolls in secret

It was her thing to taunt us all about our uncivilised appetites:"like a bunch of farmers", she was so.sophisticated she barely needed food.

With distaste she would see another meal time arrive "chomping away again, you lot, chomp chomp chomp" she said before any meal.

She'd feed us 1 digestive all day, as kids, staying with her was starving (my mum did not allow us to stay, after she found out)

People are weird about food, MIL is on a powertrip that she needs only a few calories whilst you cave people go chomp chomp chomp all day Grin

My gran did lots of cruises too Grin

MsHomeSlice · 11/08/2018 17:17

I'd be furious and leave...honestly what's the worst that will happen, they can hardly say to friends you left because you were being starved!

where did that hotcross bun come from?
It's basic hosting to think of stuff your guests will like, as you say, whole meal granary and muesli is hardly the choice of most teens, so a couple of white sliced loaves and a box of frosties is going to keep them done at breakfast and hardly going to impinge on the GPs life savings!

Go HOME op and never host those miserly grubs again!

LeftRightCentre · 11/08/2018 17:17

Why don't you leave? FUCK stocking up or feeding your greedy FIL. Just get in the car and drive off. Why are you going? Not interested in starving because you're such tight twats. And there'd be no next time. In fact, I'd not invite them to my home again. If they want to meet somewhere in the middle then fine meet some place where you pay for yours and they for theirs but I'd make it clear they were not welcome in our home.

There's zero way I'd let my kids see us being treated like that nad thinking it's acceptable.

They know exactly what they're doing.

catlady34 · 11/08/2018 17:18

Definitely do something similar next time they stay with you. What peculiar behaviour.

DarlingNikita · 11/08/2018 17:19

YABU to mind about them offering muesli and brown seeded bread. Your DC would eat that if they were hungry enough.

However, they're tight and ungracious hosts. I'd leave, or say you're eating out from now on. If MIL 'insists' just take the kids and go out anyway. What's she going to do, barricade you in?

Bluntness100 · 11/08/2018 17:21

I'd suspect father in law is probably hungry rather than greedy 🤣

PolkerrisBeach · 11/08/2018 17:21

My inlaws most definitely have their faults but under-catering is not one of them. Every time we go to visit the kitchen is GROANING with food and you're asked if you want biscuits every 5 seconds. MIL would be absolutely mortified if she thought someone in her house was going hungry.

OP you have to get your DH to say something, this is all very weird.

Strawberry2017 · 11/08/2018 17:21

That's such odd behaviour!
Why invite you if they don't want to feed you? X

crunchymint · 11/08/2018 17:21

I think the lack of snacks could be seen as a generational thing. People did not used to have snacks so many older people still don't think to buy them. But the meals should be large enough for everyone.
Your DH needs to say to them that their meals are too small and they need to provide bigger meals. I would face this head on.

youarenotkiddingme · 11/08/2018 17:22

I agree about understanding exactly why you want to go home. Hunger and feeling like food is forbidden are awful feelings and will ruin any enjoyment you might have.

So choice really is:

  1. stock up yourselves alongside plastic plates etc and keep away from parents
  2. take yourselves out in the evenings and eat then (maybe after dinner 😂)
  3. leave and go home