Staying at in-laws with dc and there is no food

[daytimemom]

Arrived at in-laws with DH (their son) and our two dc’s. For context, they are very well off. Live in huge house in the country, spend six months a year on cruises, have new car etc.

This is the first time we have visited them in their new house. Normally they stay at our house where we cook meals for them, provide wine and snacks and generally be very hospitable. They certainly enjoy all our food and drink.

This is what they served DH and I for dinner; two small roast potato’s, one small parsnip, teaspoon of peas and carrots, three slices of chicken. Our dc who are 11 and 12 had the same but with one roast potato rather than two. Dessert was one scoop of ice cream. DH asked if he could have another scoop but was told no as the carton (think Ben & Jerry’s small sized carton) had to last them a week.

By evening the dc were ravenous. I asked mil if dc could have a slice of toast or cereal. Was told they only had muesli and one small loaf of brown seeded bread. DC do not like either. I asked if there was any fruit was told no. DH asked if there was a bag of crisps, again no.

I’m not proud of this but DH and I went through the fridge and cupboards trying to find something to eat but the cupboards were literally bare.

DH went out this morning to buy some bread, cheese etc (which fil helped himself too) and I suggested to mil we go out to dinner but she insisted she is cooking. Dreading another tiny meal & the dc’s being hungry.

DH said they are just being tight by not spending money on food and drink. I quite frankly want to go home. Simple things like they knew we were coming but the bathroom had no towels or soap, no mirror or lamp in guest bedroom. Could they not have bought some cornflakes & snacks knowing most kids don’t eat muesli!

They have always been mean with money, poor DH as a uni student was penniless living off toast and pawning his stuff while his parents refused and financial assistance.

As irritating as it is, I would go to the supermarket and stock up on a load of snacks then store them
in the bedroom you're sleeping in.

My GPs were the same. Never any food in the house, so my dad would take me to the supermarket and load up on snacks to hide store upstairs.
If it was put in the kitchen they'd help themselves to it.

I remember going out to get a chippy one night with my dad because we were ravenous, we brought it back to the house and before we'd gotten the plates out DGM had taken half a piece of fish and a handful of chips.

Bearing in mind they'd already had their dinner.

Stock up from the shop, store what can be stored in your bedroom so fil doesn’t eat it. Stop asking , do things like serve yourself more ice cream and say would anyone else like any? If mil says no has to last a week say things like haha not with guests you guys ate this much between you in one night at ours, is there a new diet?

Take your family out to lunch or dinner / order takeaway for seconds (If fil asks say we assumed you weren’t hungry as that’s your usual dinner) Basically in all kinds of ways eat as much as you guys want and don’t provide for them.

And leave early.

I agree with PP! Go and buy your own food/snacks and tell your MIL you're going out for dinner! I'd maybe understand if they were just small eaters and weren't used to cooking bigger portions, but the fact they eat everything when at yours is just ridiculous!

I'd also get your DH to have a word!

It is mean. But you have to swallow that (should be easy, nothing else to eat!) and do a big shop, and be clear that this isn’t enough food for you.

Older people do have smaller appetites. I remember once stating with my parents and being a bit at the portion sizes and saying “where’s the rest of the rice?” And them looking at me in confusion and then my Dad said to my Mum “oh my God xxxx, do you remember when we went to elderly relatives and there was never enough food? We’ve become like them!” And they piled up my plate 😬

Ugh grim. Until the secret bin eating I was going to suggest that maybe they just had small appetites and it hadn’t really occurred to them that other people need come food. But now I have no idea. Does MiL have food issues? Do they like exerting control? Is his some weird power trip?

Just go home and tell them why. And don’t invite them over to yours for awhile.

Is this usual for them or are they being extra stingy because you are staying? Do they always eat tiny meals and have no food in their cupboards?

Just go and buy some

Did DH make clear that the food was insufficient? Or are you all being too polite to come out and say it? Because until someone clearly says it they will claim they don’t know. I think you have to make it clear that you’re going to need more food, offer to go buy some or ask if they’d like to deal with it a different way.

Rather than you and your husband whispering to each other, would he not address the elephant in the room and ask his parents is there a problem?

In a normal household, firstly this wouldn't happen, but secondly it would be ok to ask about it!

I don't think it would be unreasonable to ask why there's so little for your family when DH parents are looked after so well at yours.

I'd also offer options - DH parents get food in, you & DH get food in, or you leave. But ignoring it this time means it'll probably happen every time you visit.

If they’re NOT thin then it’s much worse as it means they have extra food and they’re HIDING IT from you

No one gets fat on 3 slices of chicken and a few peas ....

So they aren’t thin but are being stingy with food while you’re there just because they’re tight? I could understand if that’s their usual portion size but it sounds like they’re just greedy. And I could understand if they were poor and couldn’t afford to feed you but it doesn’t sound like that’s the case. Get in the car and take DC to McDonalds. Let ILs starve if they want.

"Frankly I want to go home".

I'd have been on way home already. I cannot abide tightness. I don't want to justify or understand or excuse it. I'd just get out of there.

A friend's mum does this - constantly inviting her, H & kids to her home,moaning as they rarely do visit, and when they do go the food portions are miniscule. She is very comfortably off.

Friend thinks it's a control thing. She can sense her mum daring anyone to say anything, so she can give her explanation as to why they can't have any more food.

Empty cupboards = I reckon they've hidden food away.

I couldn't be asked to put up with stingies

Reminds me of my inlaws😑😑
Went there when i was breastfeeding and they fed us so little my milk almost dried up😣

Thing is fil makes us feel unwelcome so we dont feel like we can go out and buy food so i always pack snacks and sandwiches

Think we were there for 6 mealtimes last time and were fed 3 times (fil says to go through the freezer but doubt he means it)

DH went out this morning to buy some bread, cheese etc (which fil helped himself too)
This takes the biscuit (sorry about the pun OP!).

Seriously now I would be mortified if my guests were hungry and asking me for food Where are your PIL's manners?

Go to the supermarket and stock up. Why should your children be hungry?

They wouidn't be thin - looking at MFP, that dinner would provide a perfectly adequate number of calories. They could however have increased the amount of veg, though as one teaspoon per plate sounds barely worth cooking. But meat and roasties are calorific, and a scoop of Ben and Jerry's is probably around 200 calories.

That however will not make OP's hunger gomaway. So I suspect the best way to deal with the mismatch is to take more to eat with you when you are there. Which is presumably not often, given how old DC are and thus firstbseeming to be an issue now,

Easy - just go out for meals or order in a pizza and call into a supermarket to get some breakfast supplies and snacks.

They're obviously well off because they spend bugger all on food. Can't you go out with the kids and eat something? I wouldn't bring food back if the tight arse PIL are going to have some of it.

Sneak in food to eat in your bedroom. Stay for as long as you can and enjoy watching greedy FIL and MIL starve while your bellies are full.

I remember going out to get a chippy one night with my dad because we were ravenous, we brought it back to the house and before we'd gotten the plates out DGM had taken half a piece of fish and a handful of chips.

That has seriously made my blood boil!! Cheeky bastard.

Stop mucking about! Just go to the nearest supermarket and stock up or do an online shop if you don't have transport. Or go out for meals. Simples. Don't be controlled by food! If they don't like it, they can lump it!

Have they done their normal weekly shop and are expecting to feed all of you from it rather than buying extra to cater for guests? Just determined not to spend any more than usual and eke it all out? That’s what the ice cream comment made me think.

Normal grandparents usually stock up on treats for the grandchildren. I remember my granny always getting variety packs when we went to stay which made breakfast so much more exciting than it was at home! My children’s grandparents all do similar now. I’m always fascinated and appalled when these threads come up. People can be so odd and controlling about food.

Go to McDonald’s 😁

I have well of relatives who are also very tight. When we go to eat there we never get much on our plates though they are not thin and seem to eat quite well (they eat out a lot).

I think I would just sneak out and grab some snacks for the kids, is there a local shop nearby? Maybe say your going for a little walk and go and buy a few things?