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Original poster

Staying at in-laws with dc and there is no food

960 replies

daytimemom · 11/08/2018 16:30

Arrived at in-laws with DH (their son) and our two dc’s. For context, they are very well off. Live in huge house in the country, spend six months a year on cruises, have new car etc.

This is the first time we have visited them in their new house. Normally they stay at our house where we cook meals for them, provide wine and snacks and generally be very hospitable. They certainly enjoy all our food and drink.

This is what they served DH and I for dinner; two small roast potato’s, one small parsnip, teaspoon of peas and carrots, three slices of chicken. Our dc who are 11 and 12 had the same but with one roast potato rather than two. Dessert was one scoop of ice cream. DH asked if he could have another scoop but was told no as the carton (think Ben & Jerry’s small sized carton) had to last them a week.

By evening the dc were ravenous. I asked mil if dc could have a slice of toast or cereal. Was told they only had muesli and one small loaf of brown seeded bread. DC do not like either. I asked if there was any fruit was told no. DH asked if there was a bag of crisps, again no.

I’m not proud of this but DH and I went through the fridge and cupboards trying to find something to eat but the cupboards were literally bare.

DH went out this morning to buy some bread, cheese etc (which fil helped himself too) and I suggested to mil we go out to dinner but she insisted she is cooking. Dreading another tiny meal & the dc’s being hungry.

DH said they are just being tight by not spending money on food and drink. I quite frankly want to go home. Simple things like they knew we were coming but the bathroom had no towels or soap, no mirror or lamp in guest bedroom. Could they not have bought some cornflakes & snacks knowing most kids don’t eat muesli!

They have always been mean with money, poor DH as a uni student was penniless living off toast and pawning his stuff while his parents refused and financial assistance.

OP posts:
woodhill · 11/08/2018 17:43

My dgm always had chocolate biscuits and snacks for us dc in the 70s/80s

Bluntness100 · 11/08/2018 17:43

I'm surprised at these comments. They do snack, they eat plenty when they are at the ops, and father in law was caught munching a cheeky hot cross bun.

I wasn't really brought up with snacks, but I do have them, and when I have guests I buy a shit ton of snacks in case anyone fancies them. Nuts, crisps, cheesy bread sticks, cheese, cheese biscuits, olives, ice cream, cakes, biscuits, whatever. The teenage boys make a bee line for rhe cupboards. As a pp said, teenagers have hollow legs.

Melamin · 11/08/2018 17:44

They certainly love to eat and drink at our house so it’s not as if they don’t enjoy food! I know the thread has moved on but couldn't resist. They are obviously starving!!!!!! Tight arsed **s

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Families
WomblingWoman · 11/08/2018 17:46

My Great Aunt was like this.

You'd be served tiny little portions. She was also well off, so it wasn't a lack of money - it was just being miserly. To be a bit fair she hated cooking, but she'd buy herself M&S ready meals but serve us tiny portions of salad or sandwiches (one slice of bread per person only) with barely any filling in it.

We (Parents and I) only visted her when we were staying my grandparents (they lived close to each other but 3 hours away from our home) so we'd often stay with GP's for a week at a time.

Thankfully my GM (her sister) was completely the opposite and a wonderful cook (as apparently was her mother) and she bake all sorts of lovely cakes, pastries etc ready for us visiting (just for having with a cup of tea). Then Huge Sunday roasts that could feed everyone twice over! She made lovely pies and stews - think traditional British food, but always cooked beautifully. She would have been mortified about anyone feeling hungry.

She couldn't understand her sister - they were polar opposites in many ways, but she was clued up about what she was like so after we'd visited Great Aunt we go back to Granny's who then gave us a proper meal Grin so it made the visits bearable knowing that after the tiny ham salad you'd been given (1 slice of ham and barely a handful of limp lettuce, quarter of a tomato and a grating of carrot - this was the usual type of lunch) you'd be going home to epic portions of Granny's lush homemade fish pie (or something else just as wonderful) that she'd have ready as soon as you walked through the door as she knew we'd all be starving Grin

SassitudeandSparkle · 11/08/2018 17:46

I would buy lots of snacks and keep them to yourself otherwise they'll get eaten in the kitchen!

I don't know what to recommend other than that - most families buy extras for visitors and stuff them full of food!

DeepDarkWoods · 11/08/2018 17:46

I would go home or stay somewhere else. How awful not to have prepared for your visit. When they come to you next make sure you only serve up tiny portions to them.

lljkk · 11/08/2018 17:48

How long are you staying? Come on, a week of lots of bread & cheese (& fruit, you can buy some fruit too?) won't hurt anyone.

mamaslatts · 11/08/2018 17:48

If FIL is clearly still hungry and food is stashed away, it sounds like this level of food is not normal for them. The meaness towards your husband as a struggling student and now towards his family seems to go beyond 'tightness' and more towards controlling/punishment type behaviour.

I think at the next meal, if its just as stingy I would ask what was going on and bring up the fact fil is eating contraband buns. See what they say.

diddl · 11/08/2018 17:49

" it just doesn't occur to them that people might want to eat more than once a day. "

But it must do unless that have spent their entire lives eating once a day & not knowing that anyone else eats more than once a day.

Topseyt · 11/08/2018 17:50

Have you ordered pizza for delivery tonight? If not then do so, watching their faces when it arrives. Don't let them have any, and say that it is because they have seriously underfed you and their growing grandchildren.

Lulu2106 · 11/08/2018 17:50

When we visit my PILs we never get offered anything to eat or drink. Even though we can see cooked food in the kitchen (which they either eat before we come or after we go). On Christmas minimal food is served. I've recently questioned my DH about it and he (looking rather embarrassed) said his mother's thinking is that we are comfortable in life therefore we don't warrant being 'given' food. I think it's the strangest thought process! But I kept my thoughts to myself for the sake of my DH.

NataliaOsipova · 11/08/2018 17:51

We have to take snacks to my parents (and hide them as eating them is disapproved of) it just doesn't occur to them that people might want to eat more than once a day. They say things like "Oh well, I had a boiled egg for breakfast so I won't want any supper".

I'm a bit like this myself ☺️.....but it makes me very conscious of having enough in if people come to visit and so I always buy too much! So I think it is just a lack of consideration ultimately.

PutYourShirtOnMartin · 11/08/2018 17:51

OP are you my sister in law ( If you are I love you very much)

My parents live in the country ... etc etc

And we always starve when we go to visit. Luckily it's just DH and I now but when our two DCs were smaller it could be difficult esp as youngest has diabetes. My parents 'only eat two meals a day' which meant if we were there it could be difficult with DD2 needing regular meals at regular times.

Nightmare

WomblingWoman · 11/08/2018 17:52

I would call them on it OP.

If you get something crap again tonight I'd announce you are taking the kids out for something to eat, then get in the car go out.

The tomorrow I'd just go home.

If they don't want to host you properly then fine - but you don't have to stay and frankly I wouldn't put up with it - especially as they know it's not enough food as FIL is clearly scoffing on the sly yet happy to leave you all starving.

Lollypop701 · 11/08/2018 17:53

@JurassicAdventure you do know that alcohol makes you less hungry?
I would buy snacks in 4s ... I would actually buy 4 hot cross buns and serve them to you n yours for breakfast. If asked , there are no more but you really felt like them after seeing df eat them and as there were none left....... hand out a pack of 4 chocolate bars, but you didn’t buy more as they told you they don’t snack. Oh and definitely leave early and serve them tiny portions at yours. Don’t get mad, get even!

SchadenfreudePersonified · 11/08/2018 17:53

As a child in the 70s/80s, visits to my nan used to basically revolve around sandwiches, squash and the biscuit tin

Same here! My other GM, though - Dad's DM - wouldn't give you the steam off her piss tea. She was a tight cow. And she was minted.

butlerswharf · 11/08/2018 17:55

I'd order a takeaway to be delivered if you get a repeat stingy meal tonight.

YeTalkShiteHen · 11/08/2018 17:55

I'd order a takeaway to be delivered if you get a repeat stingy meal tonight

And do not, under any circumstances, share!

smartiecake · 11/08/2018 17:56

Get in the car and take the kids to McDonald's or similar and find a 24hr supermarket. Buy food and feed the kids and yourselves while you are there. Just be honest and say the kids need more food. Keep the food in your room to stop FIL nicking it. Your poor kids.

TemptressofWaikiki · 11/08/2018 18:01

Go home. Now! And if they visit next time, give them exactly the same. Stash, lock away your food. In fact, just don't invite them back.

smartiecake · 11/08/2018 18:01

It's not the same but we usually end up going to in-laws over Xmas just for the day thankfully. And they never have any food in that my kids will eat. One has autism and food allergies so a more restrictive diet. I always have to take food for him and then end up cooking for him so they can eat. They never ask if there is something they could get in for the kids. I even have to take squash. But there is always plenty of beer for FIL. Why don't people think kids need feeding?

GenericHamster · 11/08/2018 18:03

I would buy food and keep it in the kitchen if they won't steal it, and in your room if they would.

I always buy extra food when I visit my parents. They have lots in and always happy to get more but don't always think/know what the kids like. Obviously not like your in-laws, but I do have the expectation that I'll need to top up what they have.

SimonBridges · 11/08/2018 18:04

My mother is like this. She has huge issues around eating and food. You would never say to her that you were hungry.
Funny thing is that the house is packed with food, but you aren’t allowed to eat it.
When we visit we always take a packet of biscuits in our suitcase.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 11/08/2018 18:04

Keep the food in your room to stop FIL nicking it.

I doubt that would work. If they think there's a stash they'll probably go in to "tidy up" when you are out feeding the kids and either put the lot in their cupboards (to stop it attracting mice), or eat it - either way they will comment.

I'd get crisps and stuff and keep it in the car - locked. And I would definitely say loudly - "Anybody still hungry? Yes? Then iiiiit's Nando's!" and shoo everybody into the car

BlancheM · 11/08/2018 18:05

This is really sad, they sound skint. Some people are daft with money and prioritise big things like cars, but then don't have enough for food.
If they're eating what you bring into the house, they clearly do have the appetite for it but not the money to provide themselves.
Say you're off to get pizzas from Asda or a takeaway as a thank you for their putting you up, cover the cost but then next time they visit, let them repay the favour or hold back on the wine and treats.