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Staying at in-laws with dc and there is no food

960 replies

daytimemom · 11/08/2018 16:30

Arrived at in-laws with DH (their son) and our two dc’s. For context, they are very well off. Live in huge house in the country, spend six months a year on cruises, have new car etc.

This is the first time we have visited them in their new house. Normally they stay at our house where we cook meals for them, provide wine and snacks and generally be very hospitable. They certainly enjoy all our food and drink.

This is what they served DH and I for dinner; two small roast potato’s, one small parsnip, teaspoon of peas and carrots, three slices of chicken. Our dc who are 11 and 12 had the same but with one roast potato rather than two. Dessert was one scoop of ice cream. DH asked if he could have another scoop but was told no as the carton (think Ben & Jerry’s small sized carton) had to last them a week.

By evening the dc were ravenous. I asked mil if dc could have a slice of toast or cereal. Was told they only had muesli and one small loaf of brown seeded bread. DC do not like either. I asked if there was any fruit was told no. DH asked if there was a bag of crisps, again no.

I’m not proud of this but DH and I went through the fridge and cupboards trying to find something to eat but the cupboards were literally bare.

DH went out this morning to buy some bread, cheese etc (which fil helped himself too) and I suggested to mil we go out to dinner but she insisted she is cooking. Dreading another tiny meal & the dc’s being hungry.

DH said they are just being tight by not spending money on food and drink. I quite frankly want to go home. Simple things like they knew we were coming but the bathroom had no towels or soap, no mirror or lamp in guest bedroom. Could they not have bought some cornflakes & snacks knowing most kids don’t eat muesli!

They have always been mean with money, poor DH as a uni student was penniless living off toast and pawning his stuff while his parents refused and financial assistance.

OP posts:
Believeitornot · 11/08/2018 16:55

Why doesn’t your dh just ask his parents what is the deal with the minimal food provision?

ParisProperty · 11/08/2018 16:56

It is clear that you are not welcome so just go home.
That is awful behaviour.
If I invite someone to my home I want them to be comfortable and that means providing food and making sure they are warm enough, have enough bedding and towels etc. I would be buying treats and drinks that I wouldn't usually have in, especially for children.

rainbowstardrops · 11/08/2018 16:56

As they are your DH's parents, why doesn't he just say you're all hungry??? They're parents not strangers!!!!
If you have asked but no joy then just go to a shop and buy supplies. Simple.
Oh and don't provide them with a host of luxuries when they visit next.

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YeTalkShiteHen · 11/08/2018 16:56

Honestly? I’d go home. The hot cross bun thing is just really snide and mean.

I have people to leave my house hungry so I’m the extreme opposite to your ILs but there has to be some middle ground surely?

YeTalkShiteHen · 11/08/2018 16:56

I hate not I have!

Odiepants · 11/08/2018 16:57

They are mean. I don't think it's unreasonable to get some food in for guests even if it's not what you, yourself have normally.

When I take DS 8 to stay at DGPs my dad always makes a point of asking what DS likes and will eat, and then makes sure they have some in.

flopsyrabbit1 · 11/08/2018 16:57

thats terrible,my kids at age 11 had adult appettites

i would go and stock up for yourselves and put it away in their kitchen and if they ask tell them and also make sure you buy a bit more so that you can make a big thing of taking what you didnt eat back with you

point made

daytimemom · 11/08/2018 16:57

We are all “normal” weight but the in-laws make DH and I feel like fat gluttonous beasts for questioning the lack of food. In response to me asking if our youngest dc could have some toast mil said “oh you like snacking all the time do you” er no they’re growing young adults and cannot survive on a teaspoon of peas and one small roast potato Hmm

OP posts:
madcatladyforever · 11/08/2018 16:59

i would tell them they live in cold comfort farm and you intend going home as soon as possible before the children starve to death. Sod that.

tenbob · 11/08/2018 16:59

Did you actually say that to her though?
Because if you didn't, you should...

The 'we are pensioners' martyrdom drives me insane. My GPs were the same

didyouseetheflaresinthesky · 11/08/2018 17:00

I'd just tell them that I was going for McDonald's as I was starving and that the kids were getting cranky from being hungry.

flopsyrabbit1 · 11/08/2018 17:00

good job it not winter,sounds like they wouldnt be running the heating

daytimemom · 11/08/2018 17:00

I am fantasing about what I will serve up the in-laws next time they come to stay. A thimble of wine and one small slice of chicken should do it Grin

OP posts:
twiglet · 11/08/2018 17:00

When we stay at my in laws we always have to go do a shop but mostly because they only have beige freezer food in the house I also end up cooking each day we are there for everyone.

Would just grab more items from the shop and offer to prep the veg for dinner that way you can add more in

MrsJayy · 11/08/2018 17:00

Some folk are tight and don't see food as a priority your husband must haveknown this surely? Btw not everybody agrees with kids having snacks your inlaws probably think it is indulgent buy food give the kids more if they are hungry and go out for breakfast tomorrow

HarshingMyMellow · 11/08/2018 17:01

@cloudyweewee cheeky fucker at her finest.

So many other instances too.

She's very, very comfortably off too. Which makes the stinginess all the more shitty!

Best one: I got given a box of 12 Krispy Kremes for my birthday (favourite doughnuts!) when they will still relatively new in the country - I think £12 a box(?)
I had one and went on with my day.
Went to have one the next day and they'd all gone!
11 doughnuts in less than 24 hours.

NotGoodAtMakingFriends · 11/08/2018 17:01

Why on earth wouldn't you just order a pizza or go out to Tesco and buy food? Your inlaws clearly aren't bothered about manners or being polite to you, so why worry about whether they'd take offence? There is no way in the world that I'd sit starving at someone's house!

The Hot Cross Bun incident is so fucking rude!

byanyothernamerose · 11/08/2018 17:02

This is bizarre?? I am genuinely intrigued to hear what they serve you all for dinner tonight...

NoSquirrels · 11/08/2018 17:02

What’s the situation that your DC are 11/12 and you’ve never stayed with the IL’s before? Is there a bs k story?

If your DH has been direct and said there’s not enough food, and they don’t care, then I’d cut your losses and come home early.

Snacks in the bedroom etc is only useful if you don’t want to offend someone’s hospitality if you think they’re trying their best. That doesn’t sound the case here.

Bluntness100 · 11/08/2018 17:02

I always find this very odd. You see threads on it all the time on here. People invite folks over and portion out food stingily. I come from a big Italian family so food was the one thing my extended family did well, it was always an abundance of good food to help yourself to.

I think I'd go to the supermarket and just stock up, and I'd comment "there isn't enough food in for us and the kids so we've bought some for ourselves, we realise uou don't snack so didn't buy you any, hope that's ok" and leave it there.

KickAssAngel · 11/08/2018 17:02

So where were they hiding the hot cross bun that FIL ate? That's seriously fucked up. Obviously FIL is still hungry & has a stash somewhere, as well as helping himself to your food.

I'd just go out for dinner, or eat theirs, then head straight to the nearest chippy.

I'd also want DH to talk to them about how unhealthy it is to show such unhealthy eating habits to impressionable kids. If you go out anywhere during the day, feed your kids as much as possible, so that 'dinner' tonight only serves as a late-night top-up before bedtime.

Aprilshowersinaugust · 11/08/2018 17:02

Next time they visit serve up pot noodles.
Hope you are off to the shops now op. Don't put ils feeling above your dc's hunger.

Hadalifeonce · 11/08/2018 17:03

We have this all the time, we are invited for a few days, we do take some food with us, but generally there is not a lot of food provided...no cereals, very little milk, no bread; not even soap in the bathrooms & toilets! Once when DH wasn't with us, DCs were so hungry, I refused to go and buy more food as I had already provided quite a lot already, there was nothing to eat one morning, 1 weetabix, no bread, no milk; so I told the DCs to pack and we left a day early with no explanation.
It's just indicative of self centred, tight people with no regard for others, I have generally gone NC, so DH deals with his relatives, after our recent visit, where things were even worse, I am going to refuse to visit their house again. I am happy to pitch in, but I refuse to supply all the food both when they visit us or we visit them. I know DH will be unhappy about this, as he tries to keep things cordial for his parents sake, but I wouldn't keep up a friendship on these terms, why should it continue just because they are relaltives?

Haffiana · 11/08/2018 17:03

This is deliberate. Not to be mean to you specifically, but it screams of food issues to me. It is about control - they are enjoying the fact that you are unable to be well fed on the amount of food that they eat. It makes them feel superior.

I have a relative who does exactly the same. I simply told her that if she has food issues then she needs to keep them to herself and not get off on involving others.

diddl · 11/08/2018 17:03

" next time they come to stay. "

More fool you if you let them!

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