Staying at in-laws with dc and there is no food

[daytimemom]

Arrived at in-laws with DH (their son) and our two dc’s. For context, they are very well off. Live in huge house in the country, spend six months a year on cruises, have new car etc.

This is the first time we have visited them in their new house. Normally they stay at our house where we cook meals for them, provide wine and snacks and generally be very hospitable. They certainly enjoy all our food and drink.

This is what they served DH and I for dinner; two small roast potato’s, one small parsnip, teaspoon of peas and carrots, three slices of chicken. Our dc who are 11 and 12 had the same but with one roast potato rather than two. Dessert was one scoop of ice cream. DH asked if he could have another scoop but was told no as the carton (think Ben & Jerry’s small sized carton) had to last them a week.

By evening the dc were ravenous. I asked mil if dc could have a slice of toast or cereal. Was told they only had muesli and one small loaf of brown seeded bread. DC do not like either. I asked if there was any fruit was told no. DH asked if there was a bag of crisps, again no.

I’m not proud of this but DH and I went through the fridge and cupboards trying to find something to eat but the cupboards were literally bare.

DH went out this morning to buy some bread, cheese etc (which fil helped himself too) and I suggested to mil we go out to dinner but she insisted she is cooking. Dreading another tiny meal & the dc’s being hungry.

DH said they are just being tight by not spending money on food and drink. I quite frankly want to go home. Simple things like they knew we were coming but the bathroom had no towels or soap, no mirror or lamp in guest bedroom. Could they not have bought some cornflakes & snacks knowing most kids don’t eat muesli!

They have always been mean with money, poor DH as a uni student was penniless living off toast and pawning his stuff while his parents refused and financial assistance.

@PollyFlinderz The Steamie is one of my favourite things ever. Never fails to make me greet. These women had such a hard shift. My wee granny brought up four boys in a room and kitchen, with an alcoholic husband who drank his wages and was handy with his fists when drunk. She kept them all using the proceeds from her wee job as a cleaner. The Steamie characters remind me of her, hence why it makes me cry I think.

AjasLipstick and AnotherEmma - I'm as feminist and socialist as anyone but there's a time and place! I'm only 46 and was once a manageress.

"Haud yer wheesht is another granny nostalgia trip coming to mind." Absolutely!

If I called it a cludgie my mammy would skelp me! 😂 (and maybe charge me a penny for it too 😂)

I haven't been able to watch the steamie yet - too close to the bone, I know the content roughly.

My mum was one of 9 (2 died in early childhood) gran used to say my grandad "only had to hang his breeks on the end of the bed and she got pregnant."😀
How they managed such big families i dont know. But then they grew thier own veg and kept bees. And made do. Sharing beds etc
Although my grand dad was never violent to anyone It wasnt an easy life for women thats for sure.

(I know someone who was one of 13 kids! )

My other gps worked a small holding. All the women worked at harvest time and planting time. Back breaking work weeding and gathering 'stooks'. We really have it a lot easier (even though we complain about our lot as is natural
for us humans )

Great stories @Willow2017 these wee women had such a hard shift eh? I feel strangely very protective of them, hence why I get wound up when people sneer at them.

loveka, that sounds absolutely horrendous. As you say, there must be some very deep psychological things going on there. It's not something that you can fix and I think going NC was the right thing. I'm so sorry though, it's a horrible way for a parent to behave.

I've been reading and catching up on this joyous thread and wanted to post back to Graphista about the 'plates'. I have always done this, had different plates for different things - cups too! I will eat certain things off certain plates and, memorably, when someone else was using my just the right plate and I couldn't - I broke down in noisy sobs. I was pregnant though.

I definitely have this 'thing' about it. I get twitchy if someone uses my antique plate (bigger than a side plate, smaller than a 1920s dinner plate) and cut sandwiches on it... I can't bear it. I've taken to hiding all my treasured crockery away. Chipped and faded it may be, but it's perfect - and it's mine!

I thought I was the only one with this particular behaviour about crockery and it's a relief to know that I'm not.

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I'm not surprised to see the pointless 'done thing' pompousness on this lovely thread though, par for the course, no other engagement with the topic, just meaningless 'corrections'. 'Manageress' is not an offensive term. If you think it is then report it to MNHQ, we don't need your opinion on it on this thread; stop correcting people, do.

'Haud your wheesht' sounds like the perfect retort!

Ive looked back five pages for a post from loveka and cant find one!! I hate that about thus forum!!

This was loveka's post, CantankerousCarmel.

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loveka Wed 15-Aug-18 19:14:39

My birth mother (didn't bring me up but we were part of the same family) commonly witheld food from me, as a child and when I grew up.

The last time she did it was the day my grandmother(who did bring me up) died. I was staying with my mum and she cooked and ate, with her husband, a full meal. My partner and I were starving, we had been at the hospital all day. It was so awful I stopped all contact afterwards.

The next morning there was no breakfast either. She made coffee and didn't offer us any.

There was clearly a deeply psychological reason for it, but it is so hurtful.

Great stories @Willow2017 these wee women had such a hard shift eh

The women in my dads family all worked in the jute mills. I used to see them and others coming off the buses at night looking like stoorie wee monsters on their way home to stand and make the tea for their family night after night after night for years on end. Actually the main part of the tea would have been done the night before, a stew or something and the tatties and veg would be done when they got home.

These women were magnificent in every way and there's even a song about them.

Chorus:
And the wailin' o' the bummer and the clackin' o' the looms
Brocht the women o' Dundee oot o' their bed
And they walked tae mills and factories and they wrought fae seven tae four
And the women kept the bairns o' Dundee fed

The men they were nae lazy but the wark was hard tae find
The parish and the means test they'd tae face
But the lassies' hands were nimble and the lassies' wages small
So the women o' Dundee warked in their place

My mother and my granny and my aunties ain and a'
Went tae the looms the day they left the school
They didnae wark for freedom, independence or the rest
They just warked tae get some kitchen tae their kail

The rhythm o' their livin' was the clackin' o' the looms
Their youth and health and strength was lost tae jute
But the weavers and the spinners and the winders o' Dundee
Had a spirit that the hard times never beat

You may boast your noble lineage and sing of your highland clan
And hail some gallant chief who shares your name
But my line's as good as any and I'm very proud tae say
It was fae a Dundee weaver that I came

I grew up with one of the actresses in 'The Steamie'. Faye Milligan. Went through primary & secondary schools. We had a hard life. Not a million miles away from our reality in fact.

Reading most of the posts has reminded me of how my mother behaved towards me. Eurgh!!!!!

Mean.
I bet on their cruises they eat as much as they can.
When they come to yours next do the same back - very tiny meals no snacks and see if they like it.
Speak to them about it and see what they say - the MIL seems the dominant force - see what she says