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Staying at in-laws with dc and there is no food

960 replies

daytimemom · 11/08/2018 16:30

Arrived at in-laws with DH (their son) and our two dc’s. For context, they are very well off. Live in huge house in the country, spend six months a year on cruises, have new car etc.

This is the first time we have visited them in their new house. Normally they stay at our house where we cook meals for them, provide wine and snacks and generally be very hospitable. They certainly enjoy all our food and drink.

This is what they served DH and I for dinner; two small roast potato’s, one small parsnip, teaspoon of peas and carrots, three slices of chicken. Our dc who are 11 and 12 had the same but with one roast potato rather than two. Dessert was one scoop of ice cream. DH asked if he could have another scoop but was told no as the carton (think Ben & Jerry’s small sized carton) had to last them a week.

By evening the dc were ravenous. I asked mil if dc could have a slice of toast or cereal. Was told they only had muesli and one small loaf of brown seeded bread. DC do not like either. I asked if there was any fruit was told no. DH asked if there was a bag of crisps, again no.

I’m not proud of this but DH and I went through the fridge and cupboards trying to find something to eat but the cupboards were literally bare.

DH went out this morning to buy some bread, cheese etc (which fil helped himself too) and I suggested to mil we go out to dinner but she insisted she is cooking. Dreading another tiny meal & the dc’s being hungry.

DH said they are just being tight by not spending money on food and drink. I quite frankly want to go home. Simple things like they knew we were coming but the bathroom had no towels or soap, no mirror or lamp in guest bedroom. Could they not have bought some cornflakes & snacks knowing most kids don’t eat muesli!

They have always been mean with money, poor DH as a uni student was penniless living off toast and pawning his stuff while his parents refused and financial assistance.

OP posts:
JustBeReasonable · 14/08/2018 15:03

there is no difference between brown and white nutritionally

Sorry, what?!

Where on earth did you get that idea from?! Any other snippets of nutritional advice you'd like to share with us? Wink

DarlingNikita · 14/08/2018 15:05

there is no difference between brown and white nutritionally Grin

JustBeReasonable · 14/08/2018 15:05

Yeah one makes you fart lots and the other doesn't. I do not do well on brown bread me

One supports normal healthy functioning of the digestive system, one does not contribute much. I'll admit white is much tastier- but brown is undoubtably better for your guts. (In your case perhaps your gut flora need a little time to adjust to correct amounts of insoluble fibre?)

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

gamerchick · 14/08/2018 15:11

I definitely hope so. Acid reflux mega sucks so no choice.

MrsAidanTurner · 14/08/2018 15:11

It's not challenging though when you come already entrenched in a sense of disbelief.

Op has already responded to her.

Bluntness100 · 14/08/2018 15:17

However there is no issue or rule against her coming with an sense of disbelief. This is absolutely fine. She can believe it, not believe it, laugh at it, ignore it, whatever. That's the basis of an online forum. You stick to the guidelines, people don't need to be helpful or believe everything someone posts.

MrsAidanTurner · 14/08/2018 15:29

Bluntness... Maybe you need to re write mumsnet ethos then because it's ethos is to be a supportive helpful site.

Not one where someone is going through a hard time, posts and gets bullied.

People like op have come on for support. Different ideas yes.. But all within boundaries of help and support. That's mn own ethos and meaning of the site.

StrangeLookingParasite · 14/08/2018 15:35

Nevertheless, her attitude is very obvious. I've also noticed it. I suspect she is the reincarnation of a previous, colour-related user-id.

YeTalkShiteHen · 14/08/2018 15:39

StrangeLooking I’ve wondered that too. No idea about the current argument because I haven’t read it. But I’m with you on that.

Moomicorn · 14/08/2018 15:51

Cocktail fags were maybe Sobranis, Polly.

Cocktail Sobrani were multi-coloured, they also did black ones with a gold filter. My mum would get these for Hogmanay from the tobacconists in Frasers.

My gramma always used to have bottles of Bon Accord ale in. Limeade and Red Kola.

I used to love a Jap cake from Auld’s too. All the traditional Scottish bakers are shutting down, I blame Greggs.

SummerStrong · 14/08/2018 16:07

What did OP's DH tell the PIL was the reason they left early?

FiestaThenSiesta · 14/08/2018 16:34

@MrsAidanTurner, I can see your response to me was deleted, so I can only assume you hurled more personal insults. Maybe you should take your own advice when you write

“Not one where someone is going through a hard time, posts and gets bullied.”

She posted and got bullied by you.

BastardGoDarkly · 14/08/2018 16:34

Op didn't ask apparently summer Hmm

Petridish · 14/08/2018 16:45

One of my grandmothers was very odd about food.

She would never have any food in the house when we came to stay.

As children, we would arrive (after a long car journey) and there would be nothing to eat.

My dad had to go to the supermarket and do a big shop. We would get fish and chips to eat as there was NOTHING in.

I think she was probably short of money, but she often moaned that we didn't often visit, so I don't think we were imposing.

Years later, we (my parents, me and my brother - four adults) drove all day to stay with her and she presented a medium sized Pyrex dish half filled with pasta and sauce from a jar. There was barely enough for one meal, let alone five adult portions.

Strange woman.

Onprozacandmyhighhorse · 14/08/2018 17:10

I've just got in from work and DH has made me a cup of tea with a strawberry tart from Aulds! Bliss. If I had seen this thread before I sat down, I'd have posted a picture of it.

Hepzibar · 14/08/2018 18:55

SummerStrong she didn't hear what he said because she was packing up the car. It appears she didn't ask once they got in car? Bizarre. Like it wouldn't be the first thing you would say 'what did you say/what did they say'.

very odd

Graphista · 14/08/2018 19:50

Midgesummer - my ex actually turned to me in bed at the end of his first day/Eve in glasgow with me and mine and said "where the fuck have you brought me? What am I marrying into?" But it was said affectionately - at that point! To be fair he'd kinda been thrown in the deep end - but that's a WHOLE other thread website, book, epic movie 😂😂

He was also as a dark haired guy nominated enslaved for much first footing as our lot are all blond/redheads! He was more than a little bemused when presented with a piece of coal, silver coin and slice of bread to take to each house though

I've relatives in North America - they took a while to get used to the guests bringing food to a party too. Been almost 40 years now though so they're assimilated now (mostly 😂).

Why do people come onto a long thread - and then not even bother to read the op's posts properly?!

Bunny - you're way out of step with calorific needs of the ave 11 year old if you think that's in ANY WAY enough, my SLIM (now and then) dd at that age if fed that would be very much still hungry after such a 'meal'. And that's nowhere NEAR enough veg! THREE heaped TABLESPOONS is the portion amount on nhs guidelines. That's what - 6-9 times MORE what they were actually served?

Slarty - they DEFINITELY need snacks if they're getting sod all at mealtimes!

Lots of kids (and adults) don't like muesli/wholemeal bread. For many it would be way too fibre dense even if they did eat it! Not liking a food is no indication of maturity! Elderly people in particular usually have quite a long list of foods they don't like! Usually due to ageing meaning they're more prone to digestive issues so avoid foods which trigger these, but also because they've probably tried loads of different foods and know what they like (and at this point feel they can damn well suit themselves!)

Do YOU like every food in the world? Or even every food easily available in U.K.? I doubt it, most people have something they don't like. Lots of mners don't like celery, coriander, spicy foods...

I'm 46, veggie and aside from not eating meat like or will at least try most foods. I like muesli but due to ibs I rarely eat it as it works a bit TOO well iyswim. Bread of any kind no more than 2 slices or a small roll per day for same reason. Also, I don't like sprouts at all, and radishes give me horrific heartburn. Dd doesn't like red meat, peas or cabbage. Everyone has dislikes. She doesn't have dx ibs but does find high fibre foods like muesli or wholemeal bread make her very bloated and gassy so avoids them for that reason.

The "3 square meals" 'ideal' doesn't work for many people. Especially young children with smaller stomachs who can't eat all the cals etc they need in 3 sittings. Several health conditions also mean grazing, or 5/6 smaller meals per day are better.

MyShinyWhiteTeeth - that sounds like undx combo of ED and OCD. I have OCD and even though I'm overweight, when my OCD is bad I'm not allowed to diet as it can easily tip into becoming an ED. My OCD is mainly germophobia based, but I do have specific plates, bowls, cutlery I use for certain foods. But I don't expect others to do this.

"Nevertheless, her attitude is very obvious. I've also noticed it. I suspect she is the reincarnation of a previous, colour-related user-id." Yes I think so too, and uses yet another name to post antagonistically on another issue too.

Red kola

Perhaps op just doesn't want to say what was said? Too identifying? Her right.

MyShinyWhiteTeeth · 14/08/2018 22:13

Graphista Yeah, it's not fun introducing friends and partners.

ED - erectile dysfunction?

Took me a few minutes to work out it's eating disorder! Can tell where my mind goes....

We do have some autism in the family too so I'm sure we have a lot going on.

It's taken a while to accept that they wont change and I just have to find ways of ensuring visits go smoothly and work around issues as they arrive. I've felt stronger minded and more able to do this for the children rather than how I used to put up with it before they were born.

I think it's got a lot worse as they've got older. I keep thinking they find it difficult to work out how much more to cook when it's not just them but they will blatantly carry on regardless after I point out 1 new potato is not sufficient for a child nether mind for an adult.

I've also been cooking for everyone at my house and they've altered the oven temperature, turned the rings up or down and removed half cooked veg from pans as they think I've prepared too much.

Graphista · 14/08/2018 22:19

Asd is believed by some neuro experts to be linked to OCD and ED.

I've had more than one cpn query due to not just the OCD but other things about me, if I might have aspergers. I've not been tested though.

Cagliostro · 14/08/2018 22:53

I agree, I have strong OCD traits (didn't chase a diagnosis) and was later diagnosed with ASD (aspergers type) as well. They do very much overlap, and EDs are markedly more common in girls with ASD apparently

TiffinBox · 14/08/2018 23:03

I was invited to lunch at bils & sils once whilst on maternity leave. So off I went with goodies in the pram basket to take as a thank you gift which bil duly took. I was then ushered into the room whilst sil proceeded to bring out plates of ploughmans lunches and distributed to her family. I smiled and waited and then said 'shall I bring mine in from the kitchen to save you from going to and fro?' To which she replied that she didn't make me anything because she thought I'd already eaten. They invited me to watch them eat lunch not actually eat with them as an invited family member.

ferntwist · 14/08/2018 23:36

Wow Tiffin that’s so cruel. Did you say anything to DH afterwards?

FrayedHem · 15/08/2018 07:03

Tiffin did you stay? I just can't understand how people do things like that. Even if someone arrived say they'd just eaten, I'd still be offering food if I was serving up.

CantankerousCamel · 15/08/2018 08:06

Ploughman’s is so easy to split as well!!

I don’t understand how/why people do this

TiffinBox · 15/08/2018 08:46

Sorry guys I fell asleep. I was a bit stunned tbh and didn't say anything, it was just so weird watching them munch away. I left shortly afterwards and bought my lunch at Waitrose on the way home. I told dh and he was very upset but didn't say anything to his brother.

The whole family dynamics has changed since bil married sil and he's very much under her thumb. If we'd said anything, they'd have taken it as a personal attack & gone nc. So we do host them occasionally and very generously to show them how it's done.

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