Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

DD refusing to fly..we're going away on Sat!

205 replies

user1483390742 · 08/08/2018 15:58

My 12 year old hates flying and has said she will not get onto a plane on Sat for a 4 hour flight.
Previous flights have not always been good- she has been terrified a couple of times with turbulance ( it was quite scary) and has spent many flights vomiting with fear. She will not be reassured by me or DH, cabin crew or even the pilot.
It is genuine fear she feels- pale, clammy hands and uncontrollable crying.
She has now said there is no way she is getting on the flight in 3 days time. Our family are overseas and there is no-one for her to stay with for 2 weeks.
Up until this point we have always got her onto the flight, but this time it is a whole new level of refusal and fear. Almost phobic, i would say.
I honestly don't know what to do. Her siblings will go nuts if we cancel, and i will go nuts if i have to miss out!
WWYD? Any advice greatly appreciated!

OP posts:
Lovemusic33 · 09/08/2018 21:04

Green the law states your child has to go to school, the law doesn’t state anyone has to go on a plane? Hmm why force someone to do something that isn’t necessary?

Andro · 09/08/2018 23:21

The law states every child is entitled to and must receive an education...that education does not have to be in a formal school (in the UK, some other countries have different rules).

DaintySong · 10/08/2018 01:38

I went to see my doctor recently to ask for Valium for myself as somebody suggested it to me but the doctor wouldn't give it to me saying they're not allowed to do that anymore? Can other people still get it?

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families Flying Holidays
Cupoteap · 10/08/2018 06:15

They have cut back and who, how often and how many at a time.

PirateWeasel · 10/08/2018 06:47

Oh phew, just seen your updates. I read your OP and couldn't believe you were still booking holidays involving planes when this is obviously a long standing phobia of hers. Poor girl, she must be completely traumatised at the thought of "holidays"! Lots of fab places to see in the UK and by Eurostar so you won't have to go without some time away as a family.

Branleuse · 10/08/2018 08:04

The law does not state that a child has to go to school. The law states that a child must receive an education. That does not mean forcing a traumatised terrified child into school. There are other ways to educate, but an insistance on school at the cost of a childs mental health is not good parenting either, no matter how well meaning. There are other ways. Find another school, demand home tutors, online school or home educate yourself. Its scary i know, but please do not force children into situations they genuinely and persistently find traumatic

SalemBlackCat · 10/08/2018 09:29

@GreenTulips as Branleuse said, there is home-schooling, or school by correspondence. Or even changing schools. If you son is exactly like this girl is, clearly he is traumatised and you are doing nothing at all to help him. Look forward to never having a relationship with your son or granchildren when he is older, if you keep going the way you are. It appears you are giving on too easily on him and can't be bothered to find a solution, yourself. So why attack the OP who clearly can be bothered to do the right thing, just because you can't be bothered?

selfishcrab · 10/08/2018 09:45

Can you drive/train to the destination so you both still get to go?
I did this for years as my fear was so overwhelming. I had some therapy and I also practice mindfulness to help although I am still terrified but less so and now do fly.
I wear ear plugs, noise cancelling headphones, a blanket, rescue remedy and a laptop filled with movies to watch ( for short haul). I do look a bit daft but it works for me!

GreenTulips · 10/08/2018 09:54

It appears you are giving on too easily on him and can't be bothered to find a solution, yourself. So why attack the OP who clearly can be bothered to do the right thing, just because you can't be bothered?

What rubbish - OP new there was an issue booked the holiday and left it way too late to deal with it and now both are missing out on a holiday

My DS (a few years ago now) was dealt with and we had all sorts of involvement to get him back on track and back happily to school.

Just because I didn't give in and decide to home school doesn't mean I didn't care or will have a rubbish relationship. We worked through it and resolved it - for months - not last minuet.

SalemBlackCat · 10/08/2018 10:10

@GreenTulips You said:
^"My DS has this exact reaction to going to school

I have to force him to go, because that's what the law states."^

Indicating it is PRESENT, not past tense.

GreenTulips · 10/08/2018 10:22

Has had
Better?

crimsonlake · 10/08/2018 10:28

I would not be drugging her, god forbid if there was an emergency and she needed to react quickly.

user838383 · 10/08/2018 10:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

newmakeup · 10/08/2018 10:39

My dd had this reaction to school and we took her out as she was seriously seriously ill from it

Oxfordblue · 10/08/2018 10:55

'Drugging' won't dull her reaction times, what it'll do is take the edge off. Depending on the dose & that's why it's important to get advice from your GP.

I had an MRI & the dosage felt like to was doing nothing. The staff actually said if you need one again, ask for a higher dose. I had to have some dental treatment & did this, so took double the dose, was conscious throughout. I did come home & have a lovely sleep though.

With proper advice, the odd use of sedatives is marvellous.

Ref pokey comments about drugging & drinking, they are completely different. And don't forget the Thai Cave boys would have been given something (& absolutely right) to enable the operation to be carried on out successfully.

Oxfordblue · 10/08/2018 10:58

Ps you're not a bad mum either.

user838383 · 10/08/2018 11:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SalemBlackCat · 10/08/2018 13:35

Drugs do dull your senses which is why on many medicine bottle labels they say do not operate a vehicle or heavy machinery while on this medication. It's also why there is a drink-drive limit.

Oxfordblue · 10/08/2018 15:30

To the above "it'll take the edge off"

If OP gets her daughter on the plane & then she freaks out mid flight, what's anyone going to do then? Hmm

Don't focus on the, hopefully unlikely, issues of the plane crashing but the likelihood this family won't get a holiday & the poor DD will be blamed (yes it will happen)

GP's will only give a very conservative amount.

Also it's not helpful to post unless you've taken a sedative & knows what it feels like.

Boredboredboredboredbored · 10/08/2018 16:58

Teenytiny my GP prescribed it for me back in May after not flying for nearly ten years. It made all the difference. I think if it was banned then I'd have to get very drunk instead.

DaintySong · 11/08/2018 13:54

'Drugging' won't dull her reaction times, what it'll do is take the edge off. Depending on the dose & that's why it's important to get advice from your GP.
Well my GP very recently told me exactly that they're not allowed to give it for that purpose anymore because of people not being able to react appropriately in a situation of emergency, as it has happened. And apparently you won't be covered by insurance if you've taken it either.

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 11/08/2018 14:36

How exactly do you “take the edge off” without dulling your reaction times? They’re essentially the same state of being.

BifsWif · 11/08/2018 15:06

A. GP in this thread also said exactly the same - she doesn’t prescribe diazepam anymore in case of an emergency on a flight. Having taken diazepam and experienced it first hand, I would never take it in a situation where I may have to escape in the event of an emergency.

Caribbeanyesplease · 11/08/2018 17:37

A. GP in this thread also said exactly the same - she doesn’t prescribe diazepam anymore in case of an emergency on a flight. Having taken diazepam and experienced it first hand, I would never take it in a situation where I may have to escape in the event of an emergenc

Makes no sense.

Sleeping tablets prescribed to single parents.
So what happens if there is a fire in the night in you need to escape? Or a child becomes seriously ill in the night and needs caring for / taking to OOH docs?

BifsWif · 11/08/2018 20:02

Would you take sleeping tablets if you were in sole charge of children?

I’m not a GP, so I don’t know if they would prescribe in the circumstances you’ve given or not, but I wouldn’t take them if I was on my own with my kids anyway.