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Sons friend coming on holiday with us

212 replies

cleanerupper · 05/08/2018 09:56

Oh my I need advice!! Our sons friend is coming on holiday with us. Thing is, how on earth do we split the bills??? They are both 17. My son has a part time job whilst at college and his friend is in an apprenticeship job. When we go out for evening meals, breakfast, whatever, how would you split the bill?? We don't want to be bank rolling them both. We only have a set amount of spending money. Obviously we drink more alcohol than them but a soft drink isn't that much cheaper when in Europe!! My head is spinning!!! X

OP posts:
cleanerupper · 05/08/2018 20:58

#BlueberryPod I understand I really do but sometimes it's just infuriating 😊

OP posts:
Pinotwoman82 · 05/08/2018 20:58

sorry I’m totally puzzled by this post! My sons are younger but in future if they should be so lucky to get invited with another family on holiday, then I would certainly give the parents a couple of hundred to cover food etc, but then I would expect my 17 year old to contribute to his personal spending. I don’t understand this way of thinking, that you have invited him so you have to pay for EVERYTHING

itbemay · 05/08/2018 20:59

Your poor son, how embarrassing... you invite his friend on holiday then you ring and ask the parents to pay. When you ask for an opinion you get defensive when people don’t agree with you! Don’t forget your calculator on holiday to work out that 25%! Enjoy Wink

cleanerupper · 05/08/2018 21:00

Thank you pinotwonan82

OP posts:
cleanerupper · 05/08/2018 21:05

All of you that have slagged me off, are you seriously saying you'd not offer a penny???

OP posts:
notacooldad · 05/08/2018 21:05

I think many posters including me were sharing their expierence with you and how we've handled things.
As I've said in my post ealier it felt like having a mate there was doing us a favour.
We were happy with the arrangement that we picked up the tab but the kid had his own spends.
I and many others felt like the arrangements should have been clear from the outset.

If course it is hilarious and I'm glad it's making you laugh and having a chuckle taking the kids out of us.

LapdanceShoeshine · 05/08/2018 21:06

Different ages, but we took a friend along when DS2 was about 15. (Self-catering in Ireland)

We paid for everything - ferry, cottage & catering (& in this case adding him made very little difference over a week) - but his parents gave him money to pay for 1 nice meal out for all 4 of us.

cleanerupper · 05/08/2018 21:08

Itbemay I really don't think anyone who went to school needs a calculator to work that out 🙄

OP posts:
namechangedtoday15 · 05/08/2018 21:12

OP you're clearly not reading the thread.

Absolutely no one has said you pay for everything - everyone has said whilst they're with you whether that be dinner / drinks / days out, you pay. Your son and his friend pay their own spends/ dinner & drinks if they go off by themselves.

And almost everyone has said they'd offer to pay something towards their child's holiday with another family.

I think the whole "thanks for making my night, brilliant entertainment" is just a big act to avoid having to accept what 99% of people are saying. It's just a bit pathetic, sorry.

frenchfancy · 05/08/2018 21:16

The thing is 17 year olds don't always let the parents know what is going on. Dd told me kind of loosely that she might be going away with her friend and family - no details as to the accommodation or cost. If I offer 200€ and it turns out they are staying in their second home or with family it would look insulting I am not involved at all. Dd hasn't said I need to pay, just that she will be away.

I certainly don't expect my 17 Yr old child to pay her way for family meals nor do I charge her friends if they stay over and I feed them. Why would a holiday be any different?

I shall make sure that she has enough money to take them out for a meal during the holiday.

Mum2jenny · 05/08/2018 21:19

IMO you ask a child's friend to go on holiday with your child, you pay the full costs for the holiday. If the 2 children go off on their own, you may offer them money to spend or expect them to pay out of their pocket money for icecreams etc.

cliffdiver · 05/08/2018 21:20

This thread took a strange turn.

If I was a parent of the invited DS I would ask the host parents how much money I should give my DS for food. I assume no communication from them has been forthcoming?

At 17 I assume they probably won't be eating with you most evenings anyway?

Tw1nsetAndPearls · 05/08/2018 21:21

We take a friend away with us most years and we pay for everything.

augustboymummy17 · 05/08/2018 21:40

Why not say we will pay for basic food maybe breakfast and dinner lunch if you are with us however for additional extras you need to buy yourself by 17 I definitely understand the value of money and knew how much holidays cost I'm surprised they haven't offered any money towards it xx

Notthemessiah · 05/08/2018 21:54

OP can't take the fact that most people disagree with her and so is trying to laugh it off because she just can't accept the fact that her viewpoint is the weird one.

You can laugh and pretend all you like OP, but have to face the fact that you're the odd one out here and most people don't think like you.

Bezm · 05/08/2018 21:59

We took another girl on holiday when my DD was 15. Parent paid for the flight. Accommodation was free as it was a relatives house in France. We paid for car hire, fuel and supermarket shopping. When we ate out we paid everything. She had £30 off her parents for spends and we gave our DD the same. Any drinks, ice creams, treats etc they paid for their own. Parents gave me £100 for food, but I didn't ask for any, I expected to pay for her meals.
When we invited her, I phoned her mum and explained that they would need to pay for the flight, and how much that would be, but as we would be eating in most days we would pay for meals, but not treats. Being up front like this means there are no embarrassing convos to be had!
On another holiday to Thailand, we went with another family, me, DD and DH, other couple, DD, DS and DDs boyfriend aged over twenty one. The BF had paid his own flight and the couple paid for the accommodation as they would have had to get two rooms anyway.
The BF told us he had taken a thousand pounds spends. We are out every night. We paid our own wack of the bills, and took turns to buy drinks for everybody. BF didn't pay for ANYTHING! Not on,y did he expect GFs parents to buy all his meals, he also expected us to buy half of his drinks, and he drank loads!
By the end of day five, GFs dad was getting really cross, and that night when we went out for a meal he told BF that BF would be paying. We all thought he was joking. He had an unusually large meal that night and persuaded us all to have desserts, coffees etc. When the bill came, he handed it to BF and said it was his turn to pay. We all chuckled and left him to pay it. From then on, he got the message and next night said he would pay for his own meals and drinks from then on.
On the plane on the way home BF was bragging to GF just how much money he was returning with. GFs dad sent him an invoice for the cost of his room once we returned home. He was too scared of him not to pay!!,

Runninglateeveryday · 05/08/2018 22:15

I doubt they'll want to go out with you and your dp much , my DD wouldn't ! I'd set a budget and say that's for your food and spends for the week, they may join you for one. DD has been away with friends a few times but hasn't been paid for , holiday price , flights or food !

Tw1nsetAndPearls · 06/08/2018 10:29

We currently have our teenage daughter (17 in 2 weeks) and her boyfriend (18) with us. We thought that they would want to do their own thing every day. We have been away for 9 days and had 1 day without them. I suspect they want us to pay for lunch rather than our company Grin

ChocolateWombat · 07/08/2018 19:24

OP, yes, most families who accept an invitation for their child to join another family on holiday will send some money.....but the point is that you cannot know how much this will be or what it will cover, unless you make a specific request for a certain amount, whilst making the invitation. If you don't specify an amount, people might feel it is rude to ask and send their child with £10 to buy a round of ice creams, assuming you will eat in all the time, or £50 or £200 - there's just no knowing - and as the host, you would have to ensure the guest child was fed. So unless you specify that the invitation involves them paying for their meals, you cannot just assume they will know that is the expectation or have the right money to cover a totally unknown cost.

It's all about communication, not money here. The problem is that you haven't communicated what you want to happen - you seem to think it is obvious that the other family will expect to pay for his meals, but the multiple posts on here should give you a good indication, that many people won't expect this. How is this issue sorted - quite simply by communicating your expectations at the point of inviting a then the other family accept or decline based in full knowledge of the financial implication for them. Now, a short time before the holiday it's just not reasonable to say 'and you'll need £150 for food' - because that family may have declined your invitation if they had known £150 would be required....and now it's too late to decline.

So fine to ask for a co tribute on towards the flight or food or accommodation or days out......as long as you are clear when issuing the invitation. Lack of communication in these scenarios is the source of nightmares, misunderstandings, resentments etc. And if you haven't communicated at the point of invitation you'll have to expect to pay for most things in a worst case scenario if boy comes with very little money.

Given your lack of communication so far, once you're in the plane, I would have a chat with the boys about expectations and suss out how much the guest has with him. If he has plenty you might then be able to suggest that he gives you X towards food and then you'll pay for meals out and food in, or you could suggest he pays for his meals out but you will cover the food whilst in....but be clear. This is all rather late and you might find he's a bit surprised, but better to do it at the start of the holiday and not Spring a bill on him in a restuarant....then if he knows you want X he can budget with the rest of his money.

And again, for kids if this age who will be off doing their own thing much of the time, no one is saying you supply them with daily sprending money and n unlimited budget....but if they are with you at food time, it really would be normal to pay, and people don't tend to invite a guest if they aren't prepared to do that.

famousfour · 07/08/2018 19:52

Threads gone weird.

If it were me and my child were invited I would offer to contribute. It’s very generous IMO to pay for a holiday for an extra person. Rude not to. That said, most people I know would refuse but I would find another way to make a gift. No shame in accepting either though.

If I invited a child I would expect to pay for essentials such as food, trips and travel but the child to bring discretionary spending money.

Not everyone thinks this. For example I’m not sure my parents would. Horses for courses.

Oly5 · 07/08/2018 19:54

If I invited another child I’d expect to pay for them. It would be nice if they came with some cash but I wouldn’t expect it

ChocolateWombat · 08/08/2018 10:49

I agree that most families who are invited to send their child with another family, would offer a contribution. In most cases, you'd imagine a conversation happens between the parents of the 2 families and when the invitation is issued, at that point the invited offers to pay something or asks about this and the host makes clear what the expectation is, if any. Even if the host says no contribution needed, often those sending a child will send a chunk of money for a meal or as an offering, although might often find the whole lot comes back.

However, perhaps some families don't actually have a conversation .....and this is where the confusion and misunderstandings lie. Most parents would expect to have a brief conversation before agreeing to their child going on holiday with another family (even a teenager, but perhaps it becomes more hazy around the later teenage years) and another before the holiday actually happens. Money should come up, however briefly in these conversations. Even for a later teenage child, money needs to discussed with either their parents or them in advance.....and as the adult hosts, it really is up to the host to initiate that conversation and not to leave it to a teenager to bring up, or worse still to just expect that a teenager knows they are required to contribute or will be able to.

If Op is now dissatisfied with how things turn out or becoming worried that she might need to foot a bill she hadn't really considered before, it really is all down to lack of communication on her part.

llangennith · 08/08/2018 10:59

cleanerupper of course you are right.* Everyone else, whose point of view you refuse to see, is odd.*
It has been explained to you very politely that you asked a question and people have answered by way of sharing their own experience in similar situations to yours.** To help you.
You are very rude.* Go away.*

cleanerupper · 08/08/2018 11:24

@llangennith I've been reading the posts. I did say a long way down the thread that it was all sorted and thanked everyone. I can't see what I've done to offend you in such a way that you tell me to go away. That wasn't really called for after the post had finished.

OP posts:
whathappenedtherethen · 08/08/2018 12:16

Now the post has been reopened by added comments, youre going to be in for another tough time, hold tight. I agree on both sides tbh. I can't see why the whole holiday should be paid for by you but also that you should be prepared to pay just in case the parents are CFs

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