Sons friend coming on holiday with us

[cleanerupper]

Oh my I need advice!! Our sons friend is coming on holiday with us. Thing is, how on earth do we split the bills??? They are both 17. My son has a part time job whilst at college and his friend is in an apprenticeship job. When we go out for evening meals, breakfast, whatever, how would you split the bill?? We don't want to be bank rolling them both. We only have a set amount of spending money. Obviously we drink more alcohol than them but a soft drink isn't that much cheaper when in Europe!! My head is spinning!!! X

DD (late teens) is away with a friend, she has paid travel. The family have paid accommodation and meals/drinks when all are together. She'll pay for drinks/clubs/meals when she and her friend are out doing their own thing. I'm sending a case of wine to the family at the villa (I know that cash would be refused by this family, so this is my way around it)

Why on earth would OP be paying for,everything?

Would you be expecting your son to pay if his mate wasn't coming?

You pay for all the food and drink when you all eat together. If they want to go out and eat burgers and chips on their own instead, they pay. The parents may offer to give you money to contribute towards the cost of food, but they may expect you - as you invited - to cover everything except their child's spending money.

aridane op asked what the etiquette was in this situation and as all of the replies have highlighted its generally accepted that she'd pay in these circumstances.

If that was going to be difficult, then she should have had a conversation with the friend's parents BEFORE they accepted the invitation to make it clear what she was offering.

Its really nice of you to bring the friend.

I am really tight (well known for it and I very much dislike CF'S), but if I invited my kids friends on holiday I would expect to pay for the food and outings...

That said... as the parent of a kid who was invited on a holiday abroad at 17yrs I did make sure he went with a suitable amount of spending money and reminded him to make sure he offered to pay his way at every bill.

I paid for his flights and he also took gifts for the hosts. They didn't let him pay for any meals or outings. I had counselled him to offer but not make embarrassing scenes trying to pay in case it caused offence.

I simply wouldn't invite the extra person if I didn't think I could cover it.

Any contribution offered is a bonus and a sign of great manners.

Aridane would you really expect to split a bill with your 17 year old and their friend?

I took DS and his GF on holiday last year when they were 17 and I paid for all meals and drinks when we were together. When they were off on their own they paid their own way.

I have never heard of anyone doing things differently to this.

I would expect you to pay for everything and the friend’s parents to send him with a decent amount of spending money.

I used to take one of my dds friends on holiday with us every year from about the age 14 - 17, to be company for her.
We paid for everything including meals out. It was 'our' holiday and the invited guest (or their parents) wouldn't have been spending money for meals out for a whole fortnight if we hadn't invited them along with us.
She brought a bit of spending money for herself, gifts, ice-cream etc, but everything else was paid by us.
If we hadn't been able to afford it, we'd have made that clear up front.

We have just returned from a holiday where DD had a friend along. Her friend paid for everything she ate and drank, and for the trips that we did (well, actually her mum did). This was discussed before we went.

When we asked if friend wanted to join us I talked to her mum (who is a friend of mine anyway) and said "would XXX like to join us for a holiday? It will cost £XX. This avoided any ambiguity about who was funding the holiday, and meant that her mum knew that she would have to have enough spening money to cover lunches and incidentals (we were half board).

It worked very well, and the girls had a brilliant time, which meant that so did we.

If you invite someone you pay. That’s the etiquette.
Particularly for 17 year olds.

You invited a kid on holiday for your son, you feed him while he's with you!
I have thought about inviting on of ds friends with us next year. I would maybe discuss with parents and ask if they could chip in for the flight, but would make it clear that all food/trips while away are on me. That way it's company for ds and a cheap holiday for friend. They can always say no. You can't ask for food money now!!

You invited him so I would expect you to feed him. Spending money up to him

TBH, I'd expect him to bring spending money, but that you would pay for all the meals.

They're only 17!

My son (a bit younger at the time admittedly) went away with a friend and his family. I gave the mum about £100, irc and my son had some spending money of his own.

If I invited a teenage friend of DS's to join us on holiday, I would expect to pay for all the meals out for everyone we have together as a family.

If the kids want to go off on their own & do something, I'd expect DS & his friend to share the costs equally.

I'd expect the friend to pay for his own drinks, ice-creams etc occasionally and maybe offer to buy a few.

If my son was going on holiday in this scenario, I would however offer the parents inviting him some money towards his upkeep and I would ensure my son had money to cover incidental expenses. About 120 - 150 Euros spending money for a week away.

This post has made me cringe. I can't imagine their embarrassment when you ask for 25% to eat with you. If I were to invite any of my Dc's friends, then I would pay for everything and assume they had their own spends for souvenirs.

In that situation I would expect to pay for all family meals but if the two boys go off and do their own thing I'd expect them to pay for themselves.

From the other side if my DS was going off with another family I'd make sure he had money to offer to take the family out for a meal to say thank you.

Tricky but if you can’t afford to pay for everything then now is the time to say so.

And presumably you are self catering so no need to go out for breakfast? Buy a few provisions and let them help themselves. When you go out be clear about what’s on offer ( we took a friend who ordered steak every evening even when my son had pizza).

It’s ok to ask for a small contribution towards food etc now. But don’t, for the love of god start trying to split bills in restaurants with a couple of kids. That’s not on.

You have invited him as a guest, so the onus is on you to provide and care for him, he is not an adult and isn’t even properly working

My DS (11) has just been on a 4 night camping trip with his friend. I gave his friend’s mum £60 for food, drink, trips out etc. I didn’t expect her to pay.

I wouldn't even have expected you to pay for the other 17 year olds holiday. I would expect their parents to provide them with money (if they don't have their own) for their food and drink costs at least with some spare money

These threads are eye openers - the key seems to be to talk when the invitation is issued so that it can be accepted on that basis. When I was their age and in my first job work people apparently thought I was anorexic because when we would eat out for celebrations etc I would always order a starter as a main course because that was all I could afford. You wouldn’t want him to be sitting eating a starter because he hasn’t got the funds to have a main course.

Although if it was my DC I would certainly give you some money to cover their food.

My DCs and I recently went away for a weekend for a specific event that didn't really involve my eldest. I said she could bring a friend on the understanding that they paid for all their own meals etc as I couldn't afford to. So the invite was clear from the outset that they would have to pay.

Having said that the your invitation has now been given and accepted. I would have thought you would be covering your own DS but would expect a contribution (via parents) for his friend.