Sons friend coming on holiday with us

[cleanerupper]

Oh my I need advice!! Our sons friend is coming on holiday with us. Thing is, how on earth do we split the bills??? They are both 17. My son has a part time job whilst at college and his friend is in an apprenticeship job. When we go out for evening meals, breakfast, whatever, how would you split the bill?? We don't want to be bank rolling them both. We only have a set amount of spending money. Obviously we drink more alcohol than them but a soft drink isn't that much cheaper when in Europe!! My head is spinning!!! X

I think the problem here is that you’ve paid for the bit you’re not expected to generally (the travel) and you don’t want to pay for the bit you are expected to (the food). You really can’t invite a 17 year old away and expect him to pay to feed himself unless that was all agreed upfront with his parents.

If you went for this 25/75 thing, which I have so many issues with but ok, what happens if the restaurant you’ve chosen is one that’s too expensive for them? Would you all love and eat somewhere else?

They may want to go out and eat by themselves some nights though which will save you a bit.

If he were going away with his mates they could cut their cloth to what they could afford. When we went on holiday as students we took it in turns to cook 90% of the time, because that was what we could afford. You can't make all the decisions about whether to go out to breakfast, dinner etc and just expect him to stump up whatever % of what you choose to do. And 17 is very young to be paying any real percentage out of their own pocket.

Are you self catering? If so, how about asking them each to be responsible for one lunch and one dinner for the 4 of you? So they have the option of cooking to keep it affordable, and you get a break from cooking/organising a couple of meals.

If you are determined to make them pay their way in anything more than token terms, you really should have sorted out finances before they accepted your invitation.

I think the reason it’s awkward is that the other parents haven’t offered anything. For a week’s stay in Europe, especially if you were paying for the holiday, I’d probably have insisted of giving you £250-300 to cover meals/activities/sundries. If 17 y/o has a part time job I’d expect him to find ‘fun’ money from that.

It’s bad manners from the parents. If they couldn’t afford to subsidise him, they should have politely declined, and you could have always insisted to cover the lot if that was your decision...

Am I the only one thinking two 17 year olds aren’t going to want to go out with parents every night and that they won’t just be drinking soft drinks!

I often used to take a friend on holiday, usually villa holidays so my parents provided enough food for us to help ourselves in the villa and the odd meal out. The rest we payed for ourselves so if we went somewhere else to eat and drinks, ice creams etc.

I do think you should have had the discussion when you invited him though. My mum always spoke to my friends parents and said flights, accommodations included and most food, but we give candied around 200 euros so she can do her own thing a bit. So my friends parents would do the same and when it was gone it was gone.

Sorry but I'm with the majority if you had said at the start, we are paying for flights and accommodation but he'll need to pay 12% of all meals, then maybe.

But as a friends parent getting that kind of info I'd say No. Simply because I have no idea how much 12% of meals is going to come too.
Are you going to eat out 3 meals a day in posh / expensive places / lots of wine etc ? Or is that 12% of loaf of bread, cold meat, milk, cearel, water and eating in McDonalds.

You'd have better to say we'll pay accommodation and food, you pay flights then the parents get a fixed cost for the holiday.

However horse has bolted I don't think you can ask him to pay 12% of meals after the offer has been accepted.

And by fun money I mean shopping for clothes, going out without you. Everything else I’d cover as the parent of the guest.

If you've invited him and paid for the holiday then you should be paying the main food bills!

In that I'd include a drink or two with the meal but let them know that anything more than that, so things like ad-hoc drinks and snacks during the day they need to take their own spends for.

"Am I the only one thinking two 17 year olds aren’t going to want to go out with parents every night and that they won’t just be drinking soft drinks! "

No. I think the OP is being rather naive. DD (18) and her friend (16) enjoyed a cocktail every night before dinner, as did I. We only needed one as they were very strong. Spanish measures are about 3x UK ones.

If they go off and do their own thing at meal times though they should pay for that, you only pay if you eat together as a family IYSWIM

Lonicera I think it depends on the 17 year old. The teen in my life would be very happy spending time with us, as would his friends. They don’t drink and a strong cocktail before a meal wouldn’t feature, they’d politely and cringingly decline!

I see I have opened a huge can of worms!! My son said he would like to contribute when we are out as we do a lot for him over the year. I think this is a huge credit to us and how we've brought our son up. His spending money has come from us anyway. As we have paid for the holiday travel/accommodation I think some of the food should be paid for. I certainly don't mean getting a calculator out at the table!!!! I was thinking more of a kitty. They both put x amount in and we double it, that sort of thing. Obviously when they're out by themselves they will be paying for themselves. I personally would not let my 17 year old go on holiday with another family and EXPECT my child to be paid for, I find that arrogant and down right rude. Yes we invited his friend, better than them going to off to Zante with blinkers on. This is going to be a "trial run" you do your thing, we will do ours but we are always here if they need anything. Easing them into going on holiday by themselves next year.

What conversation did you have with the friends parents?

I'm also on the "you pay for almost everything" side as well. And I'm a bit that you expected your own to pay for himself. It would be nice if he offered something etc but that's just cringey sorry.

I would be expecting to foot the bill here. You shouldn't have invited a friend if you can't afford the whole thing I'm afraid. If going with another family it's split, if offering to take a friend you then treat them like they are one of your children.

It’s bad manners from the parents. If they couldn’t afford to subsidise him, they should have politely declined...

I tend to agree, but OP is talking about not wanting to bankroll her own 17 year old, so she can hardly complain if the friend's parents don't feel the onus is on them!

I think splitting food bills with your own ds and his friend isn’t right. You invited his friend, therefore in your position I would assume I’m paying for everything. My dd went away with her friends family so I contacted the Mum beforehand and asked about sending her some cash to cover food, of course she refused but I gave my dd and her friend €100 each anyway. I took another dd friend away and paid for everything. I think it’s mean to be asking for 25% etc, my opinion is if you couldn’t afford to cover it all you shouldn’t have asked the friend along. Hopefully the friends Mum will contact you beforehand to ask as they are both still children despite earning (a very small amount)

Also I think I’d rather them have gone to zante and we had a nice stress free couples holiday!

Seriously I am cringing for you OP.

What are you going to do if he says he doesn't have that money? Or if he runs out? Will you invoice him later? The poor lad is going to be so shocked and humiliated...

We took DD's friend away to Orlando and the parks with us last year. She (well, her parents helped her a lot) paid towards the holiday itself - not the whole amount but a reasonable amount covering her flight and park tickets. We covered the hotel as it'd have been the same amount regardless, and with that we did get some of our meals free.

We paid 100% of all costs incurred in the trip inc food and drink. We also shared the free $200 gift voucher equally between the two girls as their 'holiday souvenir spends.'

For us it wasn't really that we invited the friend. She knew we were going, she and dd had been talking about it, girl had never been but would love to, parents wouldn't want to have gone, but agreed to help her find some share of it if we were happy for her to join us, we said we were. Hence why we didn't for her whole holiday in he first place.

Dd is 16y and when she comes away with us we don't expect her to pay for anything. She's just finished school and will be going to do a levels. Won't have a PT job (our choice) and we give her an allowance. So it'd be daft for us to charge her - we'd be giving her money to take it back. And we are aware she may not want to come away with us in a relatively short period of time - and we like her company so happy to pay for her to come away with us for a good while yet.

I think food and drink is down to you to pay for your son and his friend.

My son said he would like to contribute when we are out as we do a lot for him over the year.

Your son sounds lovely. I don’t think it will be very rewarding for him though to put a few euros into a kitty, from money which you gave him in the first place, to cover part of his food bill you may as well just not give him the spending money in the first place

Wouldn’t it be nicer if he chose a day trip for you all and you let him pay for that (at his request?), or anything really that he can be fully responsible for.

From the age of 11 until 17 we always took DS2's friend on holiday with us.

We paid for everything except personal spends.
On the last night the friend would always offer to take us out. We would let him pay for the food ( something like burger and chips) and we would buy the drinks.

We invited the lad along and from our point of view in some ways he was doing us a favour being great company for DS2
One year we took his girlfriend and did the same.

We did expect them to help with any tidying and cleaning up though.

You may get a contribution towards food and drink but I'd make it clear to them both that they're welcome to join you for meals (that presumably you'll pay for all) but assume much of the time they'll be doing their own thing in which case they'll need their own money.

Ok if it’s more them doing there own thing, I wouldn’t expect you to pay for it. Honestly at 17 I wouldn’t have expected anyone to pay for me, even my parents although they often would.
Are you self catering op? Could you do a shop for breakfasts, lunch and snacks that they can help themselves to? Then maybe say you’ll pay for dinner so many nights the others they can sort themselves out. What does your son say? Have him and his friend discussed spending money? I’d get him to ask him what he’s taking and pre warm him that they’ll have to pay for some food etc themselves.

To keep it simple and avoid any awkwardness I'd create a kitty. So for example if there's 4 of you and you're paying for your son, you put in €150 (75%) and ask his friend for €50 (25%) Then just pay for meals from the kitty. It saves the hassle of any awkward money exchanging in restaurants etc!