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Original poster

Sons friend coming on holiday with us

212 replies

cleanerupper · 05/08/2018 09:56

Oh my I need advice!! Our sons friend is coming on holiday with us. Thing is, how on earth do we split the bills??? They are both 17. My son has a part time job whilst at college and his friend is in an apprenticeship job. When we go out for evening meals, breakfast, whatever, how would you split the bill?? We don't want to be bank rolling them both. We only have a set amount of spending money. Obviously we drink more alcohol than them but a soft drink isn't that much cheaper when in Europe!! My head is spinning!!! X

OP posts:
HonkyWonkWoman · 05/08/2018 11:57

The consensus on Etiquette is 99% that you pay for food and meals out for your son and friend.
You don't appear to be in agreement with our answers so why did you bother asking in the first place.
Just do what you want OP!

SymbollocksInteractionism · 05/08/2018 12:02

We have just taken our 18 year old nephew away with our 3 for 2 weeks abroad. My SIL paid his flight (booked after us) We said he should just bring spending money for himself as we invited him to keep our 16yr old company. We expected to pay for his meals etc. SIL actually gave us €100 to contribute towards our food which was appreciated but not expected.

Original poster
cleanerupper · 05/08/2018 12:05

HonkyWonkWoman I asked for advice not exactly your own opinion that you seem to have took upon yourself to answer for everyone Smile. There are answers/advice from both sides of the situation I've found myself in but I find being nasty about it isn't helpful at all. It's a situation I'm in and needed advice not a bashing.

OP posts:
Notthisnotthat · 05/08/2018 12:13

My parents let my sister and I invite friends on holiday, it was made clear from the outset that they would pay for everything and the invites friends would only need money for souvenirs, extra ice lollies etc. We also holidayed with friends parents (one time it was a skiing holiday) and it worked the same way. It's company for us and let our parents have some free time.
It maybe too late to ask for a contribution for meals.

chaplin1409 · 05/08/2018 12:15

Maybe it should of been talked about before. My daughter who is 17 too is going away with her boyfriend and his family and it was discussed before hand. They are self catering but planning to eat out quite a bit so I have given the mother money towards all her food so it's all done together. My daughter then has spending money for anything else.

Rudgie47 · 05/08/2018 12:16

I wouldnt be paying for him at all OP and I'd work out a cost and tell him and his parents thats what it is.
When I was that age I would have paid my own way 100% or not gone.Surely his parents wont expect you to finance his trip?
I'd say the deal is that the parents pay for the trip and either the son gets all his own food and drinks or they give you a couple of hundred say and you take it out of that.
Its not your responsibility to pay for him, hes not your child or even a relative.

VioletCharlotte · 05/08/2018 12:18

If I was taking my 17 year old son and his friend on holiday I would expect to pay for all meals and any trips out (water park, etc). I'd expect them to use their own spending money if they want to go out drinking/ clubbing, banana boat, ice creams, etc.

HonkyWonkWoman · 05/08/2018 12:23

It's not just my opinion cleanerupper read the thread!

shutlingsloe · 05/08/2018 12:28

We took a 17 year old friend of dd away this year - we covered all costs, she brought spending money and treated us to a coffee when there.

notacooldad · 05/08/2018 12:29

rudgie
The problem is that it appears that the lad has already been invited and accepted. You can't turn round and start asking to change the goal posts once someone has accepted something you have offered.

Are you going to be out foe every single meal OP?
If you are in an apartment breakfast would be simple enough, croissants, juice yogurt and fruit that everyone can have.
I would expect them to be doing their own thing at lunch time.
That possibly just leaves the evening meals where I would be paying for some and they may be out at other times.
If there is a next time OP set your stall out at the beginning. No one likes unexpected costs thrown at them.

rainingcatsanddog · 05/08/2018 12:39

I have a 17 year old and if he was expected to pay for himself then he'd need time to save money from his part-time job and would need a ballpark figure on how much to save. This is mainly because we wouldn't know if your family spent €100 per evening meal or were self catering and eating spaghetti bolognese so €15 per evening meal. If this hadn't been broached when invitation was issued we would assume that the parents were paying 100%

SilentBob · 05/08/2018 12:41

I am absolutely not rich, even by irl standards, let alone mn standards but, the times I took a friend of my daughter on holiday with us, I paid. Not for personal spending but yes, for the whole holiday and food.

And I did 'a lot for my daughter throughout the year' too, what with her being a child and my daughter and that.

Op, do what you think is best but honestly, paying for everything when inviting somebody somewhere is not weird.

hendricksy · 05/08/2018 12:43

I would have booked an all inclusive resort so it wasn't an issue . Anything on top of food is down to him. Or cook yourself and ask for some money for the kitty .

VimFuego101 · 05/08/2018 12:50

I agree with others that you invite, you pay. Hopefully he/ his parents will provide money to cover some of the costs - I would, if my child had been invited on holiday.

EsmereldaPepperpot · 05/08/2018 12:51

I don't think you can charge a child brought along as a friend for your son for food. I don't think anyone would expect that to be the case and certainly not a 17 year old. If you wanted a contribution toward whatever part of the holiday you needed to let him and his parents know what amount up front before it was agreed that he would come. You don't know his financial situation or his families and to spring it on them after an invite has been accepted would be rude and could cause quite a bit of upset if he doesn't have the money. I'd take it on board and do things differently next time if you feel you must but I wouldn't do it this time at this stage.

Gibraltarlady · 05/08/2018 12:54

If my child was invited to go on holiday with another family, I would make sure to send him with plenty of money so he could treat the friend who invited him...I guess I would also ask the family if I could contribute to the cost of outings. It's common sense no ? I'd be embarrassed to send him without anything and expect everything for free ! Bit CF attitude no ?

cameltoeflappyflapflap · 05/08/2018 12:54

I wouldn't charge either of them anything. You offered for a friend to come so you should be responsible financially for both of them for meals and drinks.

Neweternal · 05/08/2018 13:04

I would expect to pay, but would think it's a kind gesture to give say £150- £200 per week to the parent to cover food and outings. I would give a parent that amount for taking my DS away.

rainingcatsanddog · 05/08/2018 13:04

Next time (or if he has a younger sibling), phrasing the invitation as "if you pay for your ticket, we'll pay for the rest" is the simplest all round. The teen/parents know exactly how much to budget and there's no awkwardness when the teen (or his parents) budget is more McDonalds than Pizza Express.

MarmiteTermite · 05/08/2018 13:05

Are you self-catering OP?

Worsethingshappenatsea · 05/08/2018 13:08

We took DS friend away with us for 2 weeks in spain last month. They are both 16. We were in a villa with inlaws so we paid for that . His mom paid for his flight and put £200 in my account for food /day trips etc and he had some spending money of his own too for other stuff . We invited him though to keep our son company as was the first year his brothers didn't come away with us but would have been prepared to pay everything if she hadn't offered
Other DS went away for a week with his friend a couple of years ago and I paid for flight and gave friends mom money to cover his food and some extra spends.
Wouldn't have occurred to me to offer nothing but I know the other mom's quite well . I could see how it could be awkward if you don't.

llangennith · 05/08/2018 13:12

We've taken friends of DC with us a few times and always paid for everything including their food.
We wouldn't have invited them as company for a particular DC if we couldn't afford it.
Their spending money should go on drinks and things they want to buy when you're not all together.

SymbollocksInteractionism · 05/08/2018 13:14

On the other side of the coin, my DS went on holiday last year with a friend's family . We paid his flight and i gave them £150 towards his food. He had £150 spending money per week for any outings etc.

Amaried · 05/08/2018 13:16

Honestly I think you've handled this badly. Around me if you invite another child in hols than the expectation is that everything except pocket money is covered. If this was not the case you should clearly have mentioned it at the invitation stage. Ie if x would like to come we'd pay his accommodation and flights etc . If you really can't afford this , you need to have a conversation with him before hand as it may be a deal
Breaker for him.

Rudgie47 · 05/08/2018 13:28

notacooldad.
Just because the lad accepted the offer doesnt mean to say he should have an all inclusive holiday paid for by a friends family.
It was for the lads parents to approach OP after the offer to make arrangements. Or for OP to contact them to discuss all the arrangements including financial ones.
Theres nothing wrong with Op contacting the friends parents now to discuss finances. I'd just say we need to sort things out regarding payments etc as its getting very late in the day.
I agree with others that all this should have been sorted out ages ago.

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