SAHM: My husband doesn’t give me any money

[Agoodapple]

Hi, and first of all, sorry, if this is on the wrong board.
I’m a SAHM of a little girl.
Here’s the situation, I’ve been married to my husband for a couple years now and he’s extremely tight. We’re talking, if I’d like to borrow £1 from him he will make a huge deal out it.
My husband doesn’t give me any money, he keeps the CTC, child benefit and working tax credit, plus his salary.
If I want to buy anything for myself (shampoo, get my hair cut, or clothes) I’ll have to sell something on eBay first.
I always thought being married meant that what’s mine is his and what’s his is mine as well, but turns out that it’s 100% my husbands and I don’t get anything.
Yes, he pays all the bills and food which I’m grateful for, but I, like every other SAHM, do everything in the house and look after our child.
I’m thinking of divorcing him, not just because of the money thing, but also because he doesn’t appreciate me, respect me or treats me nice in any way. He calls me names, doesn’t kiss, hug or have sex with me and starts arguments all the time (mostly over money)
I asked him if it’s okay if I buy him a small Xmas gift for £5, and his reaction was: Do I have to do the same?
What kind of reaction is that?
What would you do in my situation and how do you do finances with your SO, do you get an allowance or any spending money?

This is so sad!
Op I have never worked since I had my first and I do not contribute a penny to this household the CB AND CTC go into my account and is used to buy nappies, clothes and shoes for the kids and even to take them soft play and whatever. He don’t even look at what I get and if I was to go to work when my kids where older I would create a joint account and put half my salary and his into it to share bills but other then that that would be it. You cooking cleaning and looking after your child is your contribution to the house if he don’t see that he’s mad!
Leave him! No need to wait and save as even if u left him you would have more money then if you waited to save.
Call you parents! If your too embarrassed then text or email them.
He’s a asshole and half of whatever is in his account is yours anyway!

Fuck.that.shit

No way would I allow any man to take full control of the finances like this unless he was sending me half the disposable every month.

Leave him......now

OP - have you phoned them yet?

Flowerpott will you drop it?! Stop hectoring the OP!

I hope you find the courage to leave OP, this is not on and it's teaching your daughter a bad lesson. I do think you should speak to your parents so they can come over and help you get set up on your own

Tell your parents first, tell them you want to leave and ask them for help. Make it real and then start.

I hope the child benefit is in your name at least. It’s worth more than money.

This is so sad. Your DH is mean at best, abusive at worst.
I met my DH when I already had one child. I've always been a SAHM and from the word go his money was our money even before we had our own children. We each have an account for our fun money and we have a joint account where his wages go and all bills come out of. His bank card got damaged a long time ago and he doesn't have the banking app so it's me who has access to all of the money. He has never/would never question this.

get a payday loan if you have to they are paid within the hour and get the hell out.

@Ella
I have to pay for prescriptions myself (I have to sell things first and put the money aside for things like that), but I avoid going to the doctors for that reason.
I don’t drive, but have my own bank account.
He doesn’t do the shopping himself. We go together, but he pays for it and he will
moan if I’d put something in the cart just for myself.
I’ve spoken to my parents and they weren’t surprised. They will get me out of this. So thanks to this forum I finally got the push in the right direction.

Agoodapple - well done, I'm so pleased you phoned your parents and they are going to get you out of there. Keep strong and look forward to your wonderful new life.

Hi OP. I hope that you find the courage to leave. He is being emotionally and financially abusive. Please don't let your daughter grow up in this type of environment. Can you imagine how he will behave when she starts playgroup/school and you need money for a school outing or birthday party she has been invited too? If ever you feel that you can't leave him, just think of the type of future that awaits your daughter if you stay. Sending lots of hugs your way!!

Well done for telling your family. You and your DD need that RL support

I hope that today is the day your whole life changes for the better

Oh well done for calling your parents, I am so relieved.

Well done, Apple!

He knows you have no local support and has used that to his advantage. He wants you to be totally dependent on him and then he can manipulate you. He is not a nice man!

I am so glad you have spoken to your parents. What he is doing is disgusting abusive and a criminal offence.

Please do also contact women's aid.

I must admit it took a lot of encouragement from all of you to call my parents, but I’m so glad I did and they were very happy that I told them.

I can’t believe I’ve been in this relationship for as long as I have.
I hope no one has to go through the same and if you do, please get some help as well. We only have one life and deserve to be happy and well looked after.

Leave. When you are a SAHM you are at the mercy of your DH and his generosity or meanness. But this level of financial abuse is not to be tolerated. It's all very well to say all money is ours. It only is if the other person agrees. If not you are very vulnerable indeed.

Well done! things can only improve from now.

He really does sound like an asshole OP. You are doing the right thing planning to leave.

So pleased- you have made the first step, and probably the hardest to say it out loud! Really well done.. things can only get better now.

Great news Apple, glad to hear you have a supportive family to call on.

Well done for phoning your parents, wishing you lots of love and strength to move forward. That’s an amazing first step.

OP please leave, asap! You will never have enough money to leave and he will never let you go :( No one should live like a slave, please call. Women aid, they will help you. Also call your parents and tell them, they love you and the children and would do whatever it takes to help I am sure (I know ow I would!). You have nothing to be ashamed of and your kids need to be removed from this environment too, they are learning that this is a normal relationship and how to expect to be treated/treat others. Get out asap please

What are your parents going to do? Are you able to go and stay with them?