Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Please give me advice. (sensitive subject)

490 replies

GlowWorm123 · 31/01/2017 11:02

I have recently found out I am pregnant, unplanned but DP knew we wasn't taking any contraception and happily had sex with me daily. I'd have this baby but he is desperate not too. Realistically, the best thing to do is to terminate but the circumstances we are facing aren't reasons to terminate in my opinion. I am really sorry if this offends anyone, i'm just desperate for advice and absolutely terrified.

If you've read my thread in Pregnancy Choices, you'll have read I had an awful doctors appointment and have been struggling to get advice anywhere. It still hasn't sunk in properly, I don't feel ready to be making such huge decisions that can potentially leave me with everlasting guilt.

DP has now booked me in for an abortion consultation on my behalf (I've never asked him too). He will be pretty much escorting me to my appointments, which I feel obliged to say that I want an abortion.

Is this even allowed? How can another person, make GP/Clinic appointments on behalf of another? What do I do Sad

OP posts:
Butteredpars1ps · 10/02/2017 08:49

You go glow. You rock.

Lovely to read your update. I wish you and baby glow a very bright and happy future. Flowers

MinnieF1 · 10/02/2017 09:30

So pleased you managed to get home safely Glow. Good luck for the future Flowers

Spring2016 · 10/02/2017 11:21

Glow, I am so glad that you got there safely! Nobody has the right to force a woman to terminate, and it was obvious that you would have regretted it. Keep smiling!

Pogolphin · 10/02/2017 11:40

Fantastic!

Does he know you have left the country or just that he cant get into the house?

Good luck to you for your future.

Underastormysky2 · 10/02/2017 16:47

So pleased for you, xxx

Notrevealingmyidentity · 10/02/2017 18:23

So happy for you ! You are one amazing woman !

Original poster
GlowWorm123 · 10/02/2017 18:36

The stress of everything must of been building up I'm so ill, not sure if it's a bit of a sickness bug or being pregnant. I can't get out of bed without being sick! I generally feel very unwell in my self.

He knows I'm home, had a series of abusive texts and Facebook messages (he's actually made a new account to message me) but I've not opened the message request.

I have let my local stations know, thank you for that advice I never thought! and all friends at home know where I am.

I hope you all have a lovely weekend. Flowers

OP posts:
MiscellaneousAssortment · 10/02/2017 19:21

Not surprising you're feeling the effects now you're out and the tension is over (mostly).

Our bodies are brilliant at getting us through periods of great stress and enduring until we can get ourselves away and out of that bad place.

Then our bodies and minds can go 'phew' and collapse on the carpet for a while!

Hoping you feel better soon, perhaps think of it as getting rid of all the bad that's got stored up and then you'll feel much better when it's all out.

rumblingDMexploitingbstds · 10/02/2017 19:28

So not surprised it's all hit you now you can relax Flowers Hope you're being spoiled rotten by your parents.

The 'heartbroken' act didn't last long, I see!

ohfourfoxache · 10/02/2017 19:40

Glow, Miscellaneous is right. You've been through so much that your body has just temporarily collapsed.

It's really important that you look after you. I suspect that your lovely parents will be doing that too!

You're in safe hands now. Rest and take it as easy as you can.

Have you had a look at the pregnancy boards? They can be a massive help x

Original poster
GlowWorm123 · 10/02/2017 19:43

I have slept literally since 1pm this afternoon! It's really wiping me out whatever it is! I'm glad it's come out now and not a few days ago!

rumbling exactly my thoughts. One minute he's heart broken and simply cannot go on, the next I'm a cunt who deserves nothing. The next he's demanding I come home and has paid for a ticket for me. I've noticed that's what he did, do things on my behalf so I feel like I have to do what he said. Exactly what he did arranging my abortion consultation. The fucker.

Still quite a lot to sort but I'm getting there. Dads arranged to have all the furniture from the house put into storage, there's a few bills I need to pay and need to try get my car sold (with the help of my best friend) does anyone have any ideas of gifts I could get her? I got her a card and some chocolates for her help before I left. I didn't have much time to sort something special.

OP posts:
Original poster
GlowWorm123 · 10/02/2017 19:46

ohfox I am on the pregnancy boards, I just switch between usernames, they are a god send! I'm being looked after, my mum is reading all sorts of things about the best nutrients for pregnancy and cooking with them! Bless her heart.

OP posts:
AlwaysNeverOnTime · 10/02/2017 19:49

Hope you feel better soon glow. I think this is the happiest ending to a thread I've ever read. Well done and congratulations on your pregnancy!

How about some flowers delivered to her house? Although I'm sure she won't be expecting anything.

ohfourfoxache · 10/02/2017 19:53

Nasty, nasty bastard Angry

FWIW early pregnancy can utterly wipe you out beyond belief. First time around I was sick the whole time and was permanently attached to my pillow. I'm now 18 weeks with number 2 and I'm totally fucked.

Just make sure that you keep drinking as much as you can and take your pregnancy vitamins religiously. Eat what and when you can- the important thing is that you eat what you can, baby will get everything it needs, you will be firmly in second place in terms of receiving nutrition!

ohfourfoxache · 10/02/2017 19:55

Oh your mum sounds so lovely Smile

There is nothing like "mummy cooking" when you feel crap- it's comforting in a way that no other cooking is

rumblingDMexploitingbstds · 10/02/2017 21:05

The next he's demanding I come home and has paid for a ticket for me.

LOL the King Canute approach. Not very bright, is he?

Don't forget to keep all this bull, you don't have to read it but don't delete it, he's giving you an incredibly useful evidence file should you ever want to use it

flumpsnlumpsnstuff · 10/02/2017 21:07

Evil bastard !
Glad your mum is in full granny to be mode. Sounds like your dad is cutting the last ties, sell the car and send your friend an invite to come and visit, I bet that's all she wants other than knowing you're safe.

acatcalledjohn · 10/02/2017 21:09

Your mum, dad and friend all sound wonderful!

Your ex? Well, it didn't take him long to realise that pulling on heart string wasn't going to get him his way.

If his true colours weren't obvious already, they are now.

BewitchedBotheredandBewildered · 10/02/2017 21:14

What you're going through may be complicated by pregnancy.

But it's a syndrome that has a name that I can't remember.

You've had to be tightly wound, and on alert 24/7 for years.

Now you can relax and all the stress and tightness is being released.

Indulge it, let yourself be spoilt until it's all gone.

This is the best indication you could have that you've done the right thing.

Am all teary again now, in awe of what you have done.

StarFlowersStar

2ducks2ducklings · 10/02/2017 21:37

Oh my god! This thread has taken my breath away! This lady will be a lioness of a mother! Look at what she's done for her child already. I'm in complete awe of her.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 11/02/2017 00:43

Yes, the sickness may be being enhanced by the stress situation - do anything you can to remain calm now that you're out of the situation. Block him every which way you can - change your number, and tell him if he continues to harass you, you will report him for harassment.

Having said that, early pregnancy can completely knock you for six, especially if you're being very sick as well - make sure you stay hydrated (and if your summer in SA is anything like the bastard one we're having in Aus at the moment, REALLY make sure you're drinking enough!). But if it's any consolation, people often start to recover their energy after the first 4 months or so. Not always though!

So glad your mum is taking care of you - that's exactly what you need. xx

PreemptiveSalvageEngineer · 11/02/2017 03:24

Oh yeah, your entire pregnancy won't be this tiring! But echoing what PPs said, your body just knows it can relax now, and you're getting the rest you couldn't when you were under a lot of stress.

NB: when I was first pregnant with DS1&only, I had a week booked off work for a holiday we didn't end up taking. I slept for pretty much 18 of every 24 hours (bliss!) and I didn't even have half what you have to contend with.

So do not feel bad or inadequate! Smile On the contrary, you've done some amazing things in a relatively short amount of time. You totally freaking rock! Pamper yourself!

What did the police have to say? Did you mention the continued harassment?

PreemptiveSalvageEngineer · 11/02/2017 03:34

PS: presents for friend. Well, you know her well, so do please hone away, but im thinking anything where she is being pampered/de-stressed too might be nice. Spa day, facial, theatre tickets? Comedy club tickets? Perhaps wine, chocolates and a funny/soppy DVD?

HopelesslydevotedtoGu · 11/02/2017 03:53

Well done OP
Really brave

StartledByHisFurryShorts · 11/02/2017 04:37

Hi Op. Just wanted to say that you sound amazing. (As do your parents!) Sleep as much as your body needs. I imagine you've been wound up like a tightly coiled spring living with that abusive arsehole. It's not surprising that it's taken its physical toll on you.

Oh and you're growing a whole new person (yay!). That's hard work.

Because you posted this under WWYD, I though I'd mention what I did do 21 years ago. I kept my baby. Different circumstances. I wasn't in an abusive relationship (it was a drunken one night stand with a friend) but it definitely wasn't "the right time" to have a baby. I was young, single and skint. But I knew the moment I saw the lines on the pg test that I wanted to keep my baby. 21 years down the line, my dd is the most amazing person I know. The world is a much better place for having her in it.

I'm sure Glowgrub will make you equally proud and happy. (As well as infuriated and exhausted, obviously, but that's motherhood for you Smile )

Swipe left for the next trending thread