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Original poster

Please give me advice. (sensitive subject)

490 replies

GlowWorm123 · 31/01/2017 11:02

I have recently found out I am pregnant, unplanned but DP knew we wasn't taking any contraception and happily had sex with me daily. I'd have this baby but he is desperate not too. Realistically, the best thing to do is to terminate but the circumstances we are facing aren't reasons to terminate in my opinion. I am really sorry if this offends anyone, i'm just desperate for advice and absolutely terrified.

If you've read my thread in Pregnancy Choices, you'll have read I had an awful doctors appointment and have been struggling to get advice anywhere. It still hasn't sunk in properly, I don't feel ready to be making such huge decisions that can potentially leave me with everlasting guilt.

DP has now booked me in for an abortion consultation on my behalf (I've never asked him too). He will be pretty much escorting me to my appointments, which I feel obliged to say that I want an abortion.

Is this even allowed? How can another person, make GP/Clinic appointments on behalf of another? What do I do Sad

OP posts:
WannabeGilmoreGirl · 09/02/2017 11:29

Well done. So pleased to hear you are safe. Look after yourself Flowers

Whywonttheyletmeusemyusername · 09/02/2017 11:33

Have been lurking for a while, and then spent most of yesterday looking for this thread. Now placemarking so I don't lose you again !! Good luck OP, you're amazing Flowers

Original poster
GlowWorm123 · 09/02/2017 11:36

Guys I did it!!! As I was coming through arrivals, dad was there to pick me up and nudged some random stranger and shouted there’s my little girl buddy and he was all teary (he’s 6ft 3inchs, absolutely huge and the least guy in the world to get teary!!)

I’m really anxious something will go wrong with this pregnancy, that I won’t get my happy ending after all but all seems well, the scan was perfect and the sickness is very real! I planned to tell my parents over lunch/dinner that I’m pregnant but blurted it out the minute I saw my mum who reacted just the way I thought she would.

ExDP (gosh, it feels amazing to say that) has text me off other numbers and called me a hundred times. There were many times during the relationship I felt that if I died tomorrow, he wouldn’t care in the slightest and now he’s acting all worried/heartbroken/apologetic. I’m not ready to reply to him yet.

I didn’t have chance to answer a few questions but made a mental note to come back to you all:- I don’t have the strength to report him right now, it’s very raw and surreal still. It truly has been the worst three weeks of my life. Regarding the locks, they’ve been changed BUT there is still some of his stuff inside, nothing essential or important and he has enough money to replace them immediately – I hope he just does that. My car is at my friends parents’ house, I plan to sell it I should get around £6k for it which will help me massively, I’m in my early twenties and haven’t relied on my parents since I was 18 and I don’t want that to change now.

I’m not sure that if I hadn’t confided in this thread, I wouldn’t have found the strength to come home. I’ve wanted to do it for ages. From the bottom of my heart I cannot thank you all enough, I really felt people were rooting for me and you’ve all taken the time out of your days to keep me in your thoughts, comment on my thread and provide advice. It hasn’t gone unnoticed. I feel very proud of myself – I can blow my own trumpet now can’t I? Grin

OP posts:
myrtleWilson · 09/02/2017 11:39

Oh my, the best post ever. I lurked on your thread and am thrilled for you. Best wishes GlowWorm and GlowGrub

Afreshstartplease · 09/02/2017 11:42

glow that is one lucky baby you have there!

ItsyBitsyBikini · 09/02/2017 11:43

Amazing Glow you should feel very proud of yourself and so should your parents. I'm so happy you're safe and free from that awful douchebag and you'll get back on your feet in no time.

rumblingDMexploitingbstds · 09/02/2017 11:45

You certainly can Glow ! Your news has made my day, so very glad you're home and safe. Grin

Please be prepared to determinedly resist broken hearted sounding appeals and pleas and promises - abusers are often very good at them, and they work well to get victims to feel sorry for them, make contact again and get back into their power. I was very afraid you were going to find this guy could get violent and dangerous if you stayed, the coat hanger thing was one hell of a red flag.

If he is genuine and he's seen the light that he was horrendously, alarmingly abusive, then he has to accept there are consequences for what he did, he's going to have to deal with them and do better in any future relationships. He's not owed forgiveness or help with it or another chance by you, he blew it irretrievably.

HelenaGWells · 09/02/2017 11:58

You just made me cry. Your strength amazes me. Huge well done for seeing the light and getting out. Let your parents look after you for a bit, it's allowed. Wishing you a healthy and happy pregnancy. Hope you will keep us updated. Flowers

Dollygirl27 · 09/02/2017 12:01

Congratulations glowworm so glad you're safe and well! Don't let that idiotic troll back in or get an ounce of control back, concentrate on yours and mini glows future! I wish you all the best for the future x

FacelikeaBagofHammers · 09/02/2017 12:04

I'm soooo delighted for you. I've been checking this thread all morning to see if you arrived safely.

You need to stay strong now and ignore all pleas from this abusive man. Any man who sends you a photo of a coathanger while you're pregnant with HIS OWN child is an animal. He will never change.

Enjoy the time home with your folks and look after yourself and this baby :) You've made my day.

ShizerMinelli · 09/02/2017 12:04

Sat in a playcentre having a moment. Definitely something in my eye!

Amazing Glow. Wish you all the happiness. You should be so proud of yourself.

GwenStaceyRocks · 09/02/2017 12:10

Glow your parents and your DC will be so proud of you when they realise everything you had to go through to get to this point. Gosh, I'm proud of you and I'm just a stranger on the internet Grin You are an absolute inspiration.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 09/02/2017 12:10

Oh Glow - what a wonderful, fabulous post! I'm so so pleased that you're safe home and away from that abusive idiot, please stay well away from him forever.

Your parents will help you - independence is great but they're there to help you as well when you need them, so let them if they want to.

You've every reason to feel immensely proud of yourself - blow that trumpet loud and proud! Star

Whywonttheyletmeusemyusername · 09/02/2017 12:12

Such fantastic news - well done for having the courage to do this. And I echo what somebody else just said - please please please don't fall for the apologies and empty promises. Nothing will change. Although somehow, I don't think you will !!!!!!!! Such a strong woman, you're an inspiration Grin

balence49 · 09/02/2017 12:13

Brilliant news, good luck with everything. Stay strong about ex, you owe him no reply at all.

bigchangesabound · 09/02/2017 12:21

Just read this whole thread now with tears in my eyes!
You have done so well, best of luck for the future with your little glow bug. Stay strong for them.

Buscake · 09/02/2017 12:22

This brought me to tears Glow. Well done for having the strength to go through with it and get away from him. It's so simply said and a very difficult thing to manage to do. What a mother that lovely little baby has. I wish you so much happiness back with your family.

WildoTheDildo · 09/02/2017 12:23

Oh I'm so happy for you. Good luck to you and your baby.

sofiainwonderland · 09/02/2017 12:23
  1. Leave that bastard.
  2. Find support (counselling, family, friends)
  3. Try to prepare yourself to come to terms with it.
CookieLady · 09/02/2017 12:25

Another one who is sooo happy that you and your little one have made it home. You should be proud of yourself! Keep strong and away from that awful ex of yours! CakeFlowers

user1471537877 · 09/02/2017 12:26

Just another mum here agreeing with all the others, if you were my daughter right now I would want to hug you and keep you safe

You've a loving family there, lean on them for a while, let them help you heal and prepare for the best job in the world

He's made a choice not to share the journey but you'll be just fine, you've proven you're a momma bear already

stay free and be proud of yourself

IfeelFloopy · 09/02/2017 12:36

I've been lurking on this thread for some time and thinking about you and checking back a lot over the last few days. So glad that you updated and had the courage to do what you did. It must have taken so much strength and as others have said it is absolutely inspirational.

Do expect the apologies and promises from the ex but keep moving forward and don't look back. I don't think you will anyway Smile

So happy for you!!

CoolCarrie · 09/02/2017 12:37

Glow, if you are in CT and need a hand, or some one to talk to just pm me. Take care of yourselves!

PastysPrincess · 09/02/2017 12:45

I'm so glad I found this thread; I have been going back and forth to your other thread hoping you'd do exactly what you've done as you quite clearly wanted the baby. Flowers

You should be incredibly proud of yourself!

JanuaryMoods · 09/02/2017 12:47

Wonderful update.