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Can't afford to feed my kids

210 replies

PlonkerFace · 08/08/2016 20:51

DP and I have 2 DP's and he has 2 DD's who moved in with us in March after a court order was made because their mother was emotionally abusing them etc. So there are 4 kids and 2 adults here. DP is self employed but hardly earns anything atm, All our benefits were stopped when they moved in on March 18th because we had to make new claims, we still haven't received any money yet (5 months later!!) because their mother had been lying and saying that they still live with her so that she can still claim the money for them. It's all she cares about. It's not just the money for the girls but our boys money has been stopped in the meantime too so we aren't getting a penny. We've sent all the evidence off that they've asked for (the court order, letters from social services etc). I've rang child tax every single day but they say they can't do anything because they have to give her until the 24th of this month to reply to her letter or send evidence off, she was sent to prison on the 22nd of July so she isn't going to reply to it, surely they have a way of checking if someone is in prison? Also, they have all the proof they need that they are with us so what are they waiting for? Both DP's are in nappies so that's expensive enough as it is, we have hardly any food left in the house,1 baby jar, hardly any baby milk, gas and electric are both on emergency and due to run out. I can usually rely on my mother to lend me money when I need it but we've been without money for so long now that I already owe her £200 so there is no way I can ask her again. The rent is months behind and the landlord is getting really pissed off. I just don't know what to do anymore, I'm sick to death of worrying where the next bit of food is coming from to feed the kids, or where the next money is coming from for gas/elec. we haven't been able to take the kids anywhere so far during the sumner holidays but that's the least of our worries at the moment, just thought it would be nice for them after everything their so called mother has put them through the last few years. They're not even going to look at our claim until the 24th so that doesn't even mean we'll get money on the 24th, it could still be a week or two after that, the food isn't going to last until tomorrow let alone 2/3 weeks away. My hair has started going grey and that isn't a joke, I'm 26! I'm so stressed out and drained from worrying myself sick over it that it's causing arguments between me and DP because we're so stressed, just don't know what to do anymore Sad do you think citizens advice would do anything or should we just wait even longer?

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 08/08/2016 21:47

As other have said op would your mum want you to suffer?

What about your dp's family?

LauraMipsum · 08/08/2016 21:47

You need urgent legal advice from someone who knows what they're doing.

Depending on where you are, you could try Citizens Advice or a legal advice "clinic" - here is a list of local legal advice clinics: www.lawworks.org.uk/legal-advice-individuals/find-legal-advice-clinic-near-you

Or a law centre - www.lawcentres.org.uk

They should be able to do some or all of the following:

  • threaten the DWP with a judicial review

  • get an emergency injunction making DWP consider your case urgently

  • get you access to a food bank

  • get you emergency support from social services

Any of these things are possible, you just need someone who is able to sit down and get it sorted right now. If necessary sit in their office all day until they've got it done.

TeaBelle · 08/08/2016 21:49

Pm me your address - I have a couple of supermarket vouchers you can have

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Bigkingdom · 08/08/2016 21:50

Social Workers can issue emergency payments there and then, doesn't take long. While you're there they can give you a referral to a food bank. I second contacting your local MP, they can work wonders in situations like this.

NovemberInDailyFailLand · 08/08/2016 21:50

It would be helpful to know the area you're in, yes.

The Church will often help. There is no need to be of any particular religion.

LaConnerie · 08/08/2016 21:50

Stealth OP didn't say her partner wasn't working but that he is self employed - I take that to mean he's working but not earning much. Maybe it's time he tried to get a job with a regular salary, what with having four children to support.

PlonkerFace · 08/08/2016 21:50

Thanks for the advice everyone, we're in South Wales, (Aberdare)
It was my choice to stay at home with the children while DP works, I worked full time until I was heavily pregnant with DS1 and then left because we were managing with the money DP was bringing home and child benefit. My ex DP of 7 years couldn't have children and I was desperate for them so when I fell pregnant I wanted to spend as much time with them as possible. If I said I wanted to work DP would have no objections in staying at home but this is how we choose to do it, he works, I care for the children.
Stealth, DSD's of course need their dad, he's still here every evening and weekends, he's up with them at 5am every day so sees them for a few hours before he leaves for work, but they get along absolutely great with me and always choose to spend time with me over him, it doesn't seem to be a problem for them that I'm at home with them and he's at work. Usually they would be at school until 3.30pm anyway and he wouldn't be home long after that.

OP posts:
splendide · 08/08/2016 21:52

Why would the OP look for work to fit around her DP if her DP isn't bringing any money in? Plus they're his children. She should just be looking for a job and he can look after the kids surely? Maybe only I can see Stealth's posts? Or is a woman having a job so unthinkable?

Anyway that's obviously no good for immediate emergency. Definitely get on to your MP and I hope things improve for you.

StealthPolarBear · 08/08/2016 21:52

Self employed but hardly earns anything atm.
and I agree, one of my first post was that he should look for regular work, or she should. Maybe she has greater earning capacity, we don't know.

dangermouseisace · 08/08/2016 21:52

in addition/as an alternative to MP district councillors are usually pretty good at getting things moving within the council (they can give social services a nudge?). They are always locally based and aren't recipients of quite so much spam as MPs.

Get a job not really helpful especially as it's the school holidays so hardly any childcare available! Plus sounds like you've got potentially traumatised kids and tinies too.

TBH I'd ask your mum again if you think she can actually lend you some, yet again, at least to keep the electric and gas going. If my kids were ever in your situation I'd want to do whatever I could to help. And it's not like you won't pay her back.

splendide · 08/08/2016 21:53

Sorry cross post. Nevermind then.

JulietteBarnes · 08/08/2016 21:53

PM me your address Plonkerface.

TheDevilMadeMeDoIt · 08/08/2016 21:53

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NovemberInDailyFailLand · 08/08/2016 21:53

You don't have to justify yourself to the likes of Rose, OP. Looking after 4 kids is a huge job. How old are they?

AbyssinianBanana · 08/08/2016 21:54

I'm confused - if he's not bringing in any money at the moment where is he all day?

StealthPolarBear · 08/08/2016 21:54

Op please don't take from my (many, repeated till people are sick of me) posts that I think your dp is a poor dad if he works. I work, like to think I'm a good mum. But these children need extra cae and attention and it would probably be good to have a parent do that, given that it's you or him. But either way I'm not suggesting he's not a good parent or they never see him.

ohtheholidays · 08/08/2016 21:59

Yes OP the Citizens advice will help.

www.citizensadvice.org.uk/

Get yourself to your nearest one first thing tomorrow,I normally advice ringing them and making an appointment but your situation is an emergency so go straight there take with you any paperwork you have as proof about not receiving any money and how long that's gone on for take yours and your DH's latest bank/building society statements as well so they can see that you have no savings you can use.

They should be able to advice about the nearest food bank for immediate help and they can speak to the benefits people on your behalf for the longer term you just have to agree to the benefits office/staff speaking to them on your behalf.

They're help is all free and they're usually really good.

I know you said you can't borrow of your Mum again are there any friends,family,neighbours you could ask for help?
Is there anyone you know that has a LO similar size/age to your LO that might be able to lend you some nappies/milk/baby jars?

Have you got any points/vouchers, on a nectar card,tesco card,superdrug card,boots card,waitrose,morrisons,iceland?

Any savings in an account for any of the children that you can borrow untill your money situation is sorted out?or anything that you can pawn or sell?

TheDevilMadeMeDoIt · 08/08/2016 22:00

Abyssinian - he's out at work, but won't get paid for the job till Friday (the end of this week or next, I'm not quite sure). But at best that's four days of no food, fuel or nappies.

dangermouseisace · 08/08/2016 22:01

think rose should go back to the Daily Mail comments section please...

KindDogsTail · 08/08/2016 22:01

RoseDawson Mon 08-Aug-16 20:57:51
How about getting a job? A novel idea I know hmm
I think the OP is currently working at looking after 4 children and possibly two parents. I am sure she will get a job when she can. What would you have her do Rose, if the child care were to cost more than her wage brought- in which sounds highly likely?

OP you could try a church to get you through the next week as well as what other posters have suggested - a referral to a food bank andCitizen's Advice. You could also try your local Society of St Vincent de Paul, it would not matter if you are not religious or Catholic as far as I know. They might be able to help the children get a holiday too.

ohtheholidays · 08/08/2016 22:05

Sorry OP just seen your in Wales you'll need this link
www.citizensadvice.org.uk/wales/

DragonsEggsAreAllMine · 08/08/2016 22:05

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Sparklesilverglitter · 08/08/2016 22:09

It is a real tough situation for you op and I hope you find a way to manage. No body should be in a postion that would make them and DC short of food Sad

Look to see about a food bank, a lot of places have them these days. I'm not sure how they work but from what I've read about the local one here in the paper people need a voucher from a doctor/ job centre/ social worker /citizens advice

Do you have a citizens advice near you at all? If so go to them and seek advice, you will have to get there early to avoid a very long wait but it will be worth it

If any of the DC have any money in a bank account even a £20 birthday money for example, use it for food and replace when you are on your feet.

Contact social service, how can they leave the DC there and not make sure you have enough to feet them

In the long term, get back on to tax credits and also consider contacting your mp!

Bomb · 08/08/2016 22:11

I'm not sure it's a good idea to be exchanging addresses etc. Confused I think it's better to give practical advice. The problem with offering money etc is that it encourages trolls which puts off the genuine posters who need practical help.

OP, you can borrow money off your Mum as you will, hopefully, be able to pay her back when you get the money come through. Do you have any other relatives or friends you could ask?

There is a Tressell trust food bank at Merthyr Cynon Foodbank. INFO here

CremeEggThief · 08/08/2016 22:14

Rose, it's the state's fault that this family are in this position, as they haven't given them what they're ENTITLED to in time. So you'd rather stand by and let innocent young children go hungry, as in your opinion, the state shouldn't have to step in?ShockAngry