The Anti Celebrity Bus is now boarding....

[PaintedDrivesAndPolishedGrass]

Form an orderly queue please with the celebrity/celebrities you cannot abide and lets ship them off to the far side of fuck. I've popped Lulu, Michael Ball and Chris Evans on already. Whose next?

Can we squeeze Dale Winton in at the back somewhere please? He shouldn't take up much room if we could persuade him to wear a jacket that fits properly (and doesn't look like he has a coathanger stuck in the back of it)

Add Lisa Snowden and Kirsty Gallacher. Not sure why but they both bug me

Stephen Fry, his wannabe teenage husband, Holly "look at my tits, I've got three kids, count 'em three" Willoughby, The "cast" of TOWIE, Chris Evans and all of his ex-wives and David Dimbleby.

Painted I can pay for his seat? He really is a good man.

Christ yes Chris Evans can get right on there. I loved you and TFI Chris but it was 1997. GTF over it.

Denise Van Outen can be the on-board "entertainment". Failing that just stick her in a luggage rack.

Is Dale Winton on the bus? What about Kate Garraway and Shane Ritchie too

If Michael Ball is allowed off this bus, I'm letting the tyres down and nobody will be going anywhere! He stays in the luggage hold. Right!!!

Ooo, I forgot Jeffrey Archer, Marco Pierre White & son, and joint top of my list Gary Lineker and his smarmy brother.

Enid lovely, your pleading is falling on deaf ears. He will not be leaving the bus. I've sedated him and would require a crane to shift him. I've also chained him to the seat. This is my gift to humanity 😃

Cliff Richard.

Love how no one wants to rescue Lulu 😂😂😂

Can we add a trailer to the back? I think we may need one for Lenny Henry's ego. Vic Reeves and Bob Mortimer need seats too arrogant unfunny pricks

I wonder if Lulu will regale everyone with tales of her Freemans catalogue days.

James Corden. Must have already been mentioned but what the fuck is he famous for? He's just a parody of shit. I stay as far away from celebrities as humanely possible but people on my FB share his unfunny shit nonsense.

David Walliams needs to get on the bus.

Rod Stewart and wife.

Lulu and Freemans 😂😂, she really does make me want to shout. Special face cream she makes herself... My arse!

Angela "no one gives a shit that you did ballet and no they don't want you to present Top Gear again" Ripon.

Why the hell is Simon Cowell not on the bus yet?

Or preferably the bits left over after he has been hanged, drawn and quartered.

John Barrowman has a seat reserved so everyone needs to budge up.

And I suppose Esther Rantzen does not even need mentioning?

Is Cheryl Cole on the bus? Please say yes She's so skinny, can fit her on one seat with Scary Spice.

I hope you've included Nigella and her bloody spoon licking innuendoes, together with Gordon Ramsey and Helmsley sisters.

I demand the release of Graham Norton!! Love him, he's a great presenter. Can I swap him with Jonathan Ross (he's a pretentious arse)?

Esther is squashed in with Angela

Chezza's punching the tickets isnt she?