The Anti Celebrity Bus is now boarding....

[PaintedDrivesAndPolishedGrass]

Form an orderly queue please with the celebrity/celebrities you cannot abide and lets ship them off to the far side of fuck. I've popped Lulu, Michael Ball and Chris Evans on already. Whose next?

Just going to move this to sleb twaddle, folks.

Thanks Katherine, my work here is done

Will there be a regular service?

If big brother continues, I guess so...

Aw...what's wrong with Jackie Bird?

As anyone is allowed on I'm cramming the Cadbury's big bosses on for destroying a great British institution and making chocolate that tastes like shit. The fuckers.

Alice Levine from Radio 1 wants to sit next to Fearne Cotton.

Stop! Kirsty Allsopp wants on. She's going to make a nice Roman blind for the windscreen out of an old candlestick bedspread.

Can we fit on a few more?

Rachel Riley should be slim enough to squeeze her in.

Wait for John Sergeant, he's shuffling along towards the bus.

Mind you don't trip over your own ego there John!

Can I suggest we also charter a rocket to send the slebs into space?

Oh oh, I found someone who almost missed the bus! That awful Alex Curran or whatever her name is, Steven Gerrard's wife. In fact, all the WAGs, pointless creatures. We may need a second bus for their makeup and trowels to apply it.

Kristina Rhianoff (sp?) Would like to keep John Sergeant company.

Live reporter on the scene for special close ups of tears - please welcome Kay Burley on board

Ooooo!

Can't believe we forgot the insufferable India Knight!

Amanda Platell.

If no more room I will tie her to the front of the bus like lorry drivers do with old teddy bears!

Germaine Greer can be strapped to the roof.

By the way, I love this film!

en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Big_Bus

John Prescott is revving up at the lights next to the bus. He has 2 jag-wars, don't you know. He won't use the bus.

Tate Amanda is already shoved in next to Liz Jones!

Nooooo...not India Knight!

Yes India Knight! She's awful.

Imo obviously. And if I can't rescue the lovely Michael Ball then you're not having her.

Is there room for one more? Shona Sibary is just finishing off her latest badly written emotionally exploitative article, and her family would really like to give her a one-way ticket on this bus so that they can sort the rest of their dirty laundry in private.

Agent do not fear, I have already put the entire Daily Fail staff on the bus...

Phew! Was worth checking that she was definitely on.