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Original poster

A horrible, horrible thing happened****warning, potential trigger****

249 replies

JustDontWantToSay · 29/06/2014 09:14

I'm going to keep this as vague as possible because I don't want my friend to find out.
Last night I stayed with my friend and her husband - known them a long time, stayed many times before.
We went out for dinner, we'd all been drinking (not silly amounts) and then we sat down to watch a film. I fell asleep during the film and when I woke up my friend had gone to bed and her husband had changed the channel to soft core porn and had his fingers inside me. I immediately pushed him away but he was resistant and when I managed to scramble away he started a conversation about the porn! I was so utterly shocked that I just left the room immediately and went to bed.
I've now woken up, I'm still here, WWYD??

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 02/07/2014 06:19

Well done op.
I hope you're getting the support you need. I hope rationally you can see you have done the right thing and that none of it could have been your fault? If not try re reading the thread as if someone else wrote your posts.

shobby · 02/07/2014 06:45

You are so brave, well done. I've been following this thread from the start and have been horrified by your dilemma. You were left in a shocking position through no fault of your own. I salute you.

tribpot · 02/07/2014 08:10

Well done. Sleep it out and keep strong. You have done the right thing and your actions may have saved someone else from an even worse fate.

piratecat · 02/07/2014 08:21

really really relieved for you, that you have done this.
x

CakeUpWall · 02/07/2014 08:35

Good morning Just, hope you slept well.

Thank you for being courageous enough to report this dangerous man. Thank you on behalf of other innocent victims. Thanks

AnnieLobeseder · 02/07/2014 09:57

Well done, I'm glad you feel a bit better, we're still here for you. You've been given lots of flowers already so I'll give you Cake. I know it can't really make anything better though....

ppplease · 02/07/2014 09:59

Would you like to say what you meant when you said that it wasnt the first time?

BuzzardBird · 02/07/2014 10:08

Well done OP, on behalf of all the women that may have been in contact with this shit. Thanks

TheGonnagle · 02/07/2014 10:17

I've just found your thread. I just wanted to send you some Flowers and a big cup of [tea] for your bravery. And to say a big thank you from all women everywhere for refusing to take this. Refusing to accept the blame and making the oh so right but oh so difficult decision to report it.
Well done you. And a massive ((((hug)))).

TheGonnagle · 02/07/2014 10:18

My offering of tea should have looked like this Brew. Sorry.

Tealady1983 · 02/07/2014 10:24

Well done op for being brave enough to stand up to this monster.

AnnieLobeseder · 02/07/2014 12:35

ppplease, if you read the thread you will find the answer.

ppplease · 02/07/2014 13:11

ok. Sorry. Managed to miss that one.

CiderwithBuda · 02/07/2014 13:23

Well done. So many of these bastards get away with it because (understandably) so many women feel they can't report for various reasons. Really well done and I am so sorry it happend.

I feel for your friend too.

Zucker · 02/07/2014 13:33

So brave to report him OP. Look after yourself now.

LiberalLibertines · 02/07/2014 19:20

Hello love, just checking in to see how you are. I hope you got some sleep and that today hasn't been too tough on you.

Justfuckitupagain · 02/07/2014 22:12

Thinking of you - really hope you managed to get some sleep x

Original poster
JustDontWantToSay · 03/07/2014 18:07

Hi :) I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed today actually.
The shock is wearing off and I keep having spells where I can't believe what has happened and what I've done. Such a huge change from how it all used to be.....
No news on the investigation yet - that's the bit which really makes my heart race. Imagining him lying and denying what he's done. Unbearably painful.
All in all it's a difficult time at the moment :(

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 03/07/2014 18:28

He's a git for making you feel like this. You've done the right thing, you may have been able to put up and shut up but then he'd have carried on doing ot to others

AnnieLobeseder · 03/07/2014 19:54

"git"? Hmmm, I have far stronger words in mind.

Just, you're bound to experience a whole range of emotions over the next few weeks and months. But hold strong to the thought that as much as his actions have messed with your head, he is (hopefully) going to be rightly punished for it. More hugs.

WellWhoKnew · 03/07/2014 20:21

Even if nothing, and I mean, nothing comes of the investigation, because it is a he said/she said situation, you have done womankind two huge favours:

  1. Warned him that us women can and do call out reprehensible behaviour - he banks on the fact that it is very difficult for us to do so, for too many reasons. You are a hero for that alone, and that may stop him doing this again.

  2. started/contributed to a paper trail. The reason all these historical allegations with famous people are coming to court, and they are being convicted, is because of the bravery of women like you. When enough women describe what happens, and stories are uncannily similar, it builds up a 'modus operandi' if you like of the man's behaviour: If he continues to do this, or has done this before, which you won't know, this means then there is enough evidence to say that beyond reasonable doubt, this person does behave in this way. You are not on trial here. He may not be tried for this, but he may well be tried in future for systematic abuse of women, of whom you are one. Your actions ensure that some women are spared his behaviour.

Those women will never be able to thank you, because they won't know what you did to spare them. We do.

Again, thank you. I'm sorry that this has happened to you, but I am grateful for you taking the steps you have done. We all know that is a very frightening thing to do, and an absolutely shocking thing to have experienced, but I salute your courage. Well done you.

Pickledradish · 03/07/2014 22:09

Wise words Wellwhoknew

IrianofWay · 03/07/2014 22:21

Well done, op!!

Original poster
JustDontWantToSay · 03/07/2014 22:25

Thank you Well. Not just for your sincere words but also for taking the time to write them.
I hate him too. He has undoubtedly damaged me from the person that I was but I just will not let him. I will face his behaviour, I will deal with how it makes me feel and I will NOT let it have any lasting impact.
He deliberately got me drunk or drugged and then took advantage of that in the most hideous way possible. I don't have the words yet to describe how disgusting I think he is.
I'm so relieved that people supported me to report him when I didn't want to - it has undoubtedly made me feel stronger now.
I've gone from not caring about him being punished to desperately hoping that he is. I felt immensely guilty about his wife and child but I'm being urged to believe that HE did this to them through his behaviour - not me through reporting.
Every day I get more angry.
Thank you all again for being there - it's incredible the difference that an anonymous forum can make in these situations. MN-ers, be proud of yourselves. I am so very grateful to you. X

OP posts:
Snapespeare · 03/07/2014 22:29

I wish you well OP. I find myself checking back to this thread and I am amazed at your ability to deal with this terrible crime. Although it is 'words on a screen', I get a sense of your strength and integrity.